DAVE: A few weeks ago you told me that Lane had a crush on me. Well, I have a crush on her, too. Now, I know you have very strict rules about dating and boys, but I just want you to know that I'm a good person. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I've never gotten a ticket, I'm healthy, I take care of myself, I floss. I never watch more than 30 minutes of television a night partly because I think it's a waste of time and partly because there's nothing on. I respect my parents, I do well in school, I never play video games in case they do someday prove that playing them can turn you into a serial killer. I don't drink coffee. I hate soda because the carbonation freaks me out. I'm happy to give up meat if you feel strongly about it. I don't mind wearing a tie. I enjoy playing those hymns on my guitar, and I really, really want to take your daughter to the prom.
I love that rant. And then:
DAVE: I stayed up all night. I read the entire bible cover to cover. I don't know what it means.
MRS. KIM: David.
DAVE: You have to tell me what it means. Is it yes, is it no? I can't feel my right elbow anymore. I don't even know why, but I can't.
MRS. KIM: David.
DAVE: Please, just tell me. I'm so tired.
MRS. KIM: It's not from the bible.
DAVE: What?
MRS. KIM: It's Shakespeare, Henry VI. I like to goof off now and then, too, you know.
DAVE: Shakespeare.
MRS. KIM: That is a very difficult this to do, reading the bible in one night. I myself have only done it three times. You need great determination and excellent light. I'm very impressed. All right