Not everyone got what they wanted for Christmas this year, but here’s what we think some of our favorite TV shows and stars deserve as the year comes to a close:
For the cast of The WB’s Gilmore Girls: portable oxygen tanks – in cool colors, of course – so creator Amy Sherman-Palladino can fulfill her dream of fast-talking characters who never, ever pause to take a breath.
For David Caruso and Emily Procter of CBS’ CSI: Miami: sunscreen, SPF 400.
For NBC entertainment president Jeff Zucker: any idea that doesn’t involve the humiliation of so-called "real people" (Fear Factor, Meet My Folks) or actors (Good Morning, Miami, Hidden Hills).
For NBC’s Friends: a happy ending. Or any ending at all. Whenever.
For the title character of CBS’ Judging Amy: a slightly less tortured new year, lest there being nothing left for the writers to do to her, they give her a brain tumor and ship her off to Hawaii to die.
For MTV’s The Osbournes: A pooper-scooper.
For do-gooder cabbie Mike Olshansky (David Morse) of CBS’ Hack: a paying passenger. There’s a reason they’re called "fares," big guy.
For Bonnie Hunt, star of ABC’s Life With Bonnie: a little less help from her friends. (Not that Tom Hanks and David Duchovny aren’t nice guys.) And maybe even a little more from her writers. (You know, Bonnie, those people you fired.)
For the writers of NBC’s Will & Grace: a mazel tov for finding a way, with Harry Connick Jr., to shake up that tight little twosome (and for making a liar of those of us who were sure you’d never let Grace actually marry the guy).
For ABC’s Less Than Perfect: the thanks of a grateful nation for finding something constructive for Andy Dick to do.
For Fox’s funny-but-underexposed Andy Richter: control of, if not the universe, at least a half-hour time slot.
For UPN’s Girlfriends: Continued laughter (and, OK, maybe a few bars of soap to wash out those mouths with).
For the producers of NBC’s set-in-’60s-Philadelphia American Dreams: a field trip to the real Philly.
For ABC’s Bachelor(s) (and Bachelorette): a water-testing kit for those hot tubs – because even if the sex is safe, all that soaking may not be.
For Gloucester City’s Helene Eksterowicz and Bachelor Aaron Buerge: a long engagement and some frequent-flier miles.
For Bachelor second runner-up Gwen Gioia: an offer to forward the e-mails I’ve gotten from guys who’d like to get to know you better.
For CNN, Fox News Channel and MSNBC: peace on earth. Whether it kills the ratings or not.
Credit: Knight Ridder Newspapers
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