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TV Wish List From a Critic, 12.26.02 ...


Not everyone got what they wanted for Christmas this year, but heres what we think some of our favorite TV shows and stars deserve as the year comes to a close:

For the cast of The WBs Gilmore Girls: portable oxygen tanks in cool colors, of course so creator Amy Sherman-Palladino can fulfill her dream of fast-talking characters who never, ever pause to take a breath.

For David Caruso and Emily Procter of CBS CSI: Miami: sunscreen, SPF 400.

For NBC entertainment president Jeff Zucker: any idea that doesnt involve the humiliation of so-called "real people" (Fear Factor, Meet My Folks) or actors (Good Morning, Miami, Hidden Hills).

For NBCs Friends: a happy ending. Or any ending at all. Whenever.

For the title character of CBS Judging Amy: a slightly less tortured new year, lest there being nothing left for the writers to do to her, they give her a brain tumor and ship her off to Hawaii to die.

For MTVs The Osbournes: A pooper-scooper.

For do-gooder cabbie Mike Olshansky (David Morse) of CBS Hack: a paying passenger. Theres a reason theyre called "fares," big guy.

For Bonnie Hunt, star of ABCs Life With Bonnie: a little less help from her friends. (Not that Tom Hanks and David Duchovny arent nice guys.) And maybe even a little more from her writers. (You know, Bonnie, those people you fired.)

For the writers of NBCs Will & Grace: a mazel tov for finding a way, with Harry Connick Jr., to shake up that tight little twosome (and for making a liar of those of us who were sure youd never let Grace actually marry the guy).

For ABCs Less Than Perfect: the thanks of a grateful nation for finding something constructive for Andy Dick to do.

For Foxs funny-but-underexposed Andy Richter: control of, if not the universe, at least a half-hour time slot.

For UPNs Girlfriends: Continued laughter (and, OK, maybe a few bars of soap to wash out those mouths with).

For the producers of NBCs set-in-60s-Philadelphia American Dreams: a field trip to the real Philly.

For ABCs Bachelor(s) (and Bachelorette): a water-testing kit for those hot tubs because even if the sex is safe, all that soaking may not be.

For Gloucester Citys Helene Eksterowicz and Bachelor Aaron Buerge: a long engagement and some frequent-flier miles.

For Bachelor second runner-up Gwen Gioia: an offer to forward the e-mails Ive gotten from guys whod like to get to know you better.

For CNN, Fox News Channel and MSNBC: peace on earth. Whether it kills the ratings or not.
Credit: Knight Ridder Newspapers


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