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tully
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« Reply #1125 on: April 14, 2008, 01:44:34 pm »

 Coffee Coffee Coffee
Hi Lori,
I thought the big cross roads for Emily and Lor came when Lorelai was teaching Emily how to use the computer.  They got drunk together and actaully talked like women and friends not bantering mom and daughter.  I really thought that was going to change the relationship but the next day she was back to her cold self.  I do think in reality the relationship would have changed and they would have both grown. I felt that was a myopic view of the writing because they were afraid to lose that dynamic they had going.  I think they could have tinkered with it a little and still had some of the conflict but more of a bond. 

I think as a mom we have to define our role and relationship with our kids.  My oldest is off to college this next year.  Although I am very close to both my kids and was a hands on mom, I also knew when to move aside and let go.  There were times though when I had to be the mom.  I think in Emily's era mom's were so removed from the kids and the boundary was way too wide.  Now, maybe not enough of a boundary.  Somewhere in the middle would be good.  I think Emily was terrified of passing that line and letting her hair down. 
Hope you are having a good day, Tully
« Last Edit: April 14, 2008, 01:47:07 pm by tully » Logged
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« Reply #1126 on: April 20, 2008, 05:22:20 am »

Hi all!

I loved that scene when Lorelai was helping Emily with her computer and Emily became a bit vulnerable by actually giving Lorelai a compliment and admitting how she really felt.  I was disappointed when they showed her being so cold to Lorelai the next day because you could see that Lorelai was really excited about what had happened between them.  Maybe a few more of those moments in a new season would have brought them closer together. 

Tully, I agree about your parenting style. Since I am a single mom of an only son we are very close and he feels very comfortable talking to me about things.  But there are times that I have to tell him that I am not one of his "buddies" and he needs to treat me with respect as his mom.

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« Reply #1127 on: April 24, 2008, 03:02:27 am »

I totally agree with you Tully and Kristin, about Emily finally opening up to Lorelai in "I'm A Kayak, Hear Me Roar", and how Lorelai seemed to feel like there was a breakthrough, only to be greatly disappointed the next morning when Emily was back to her cold self. I also believe that Emily was afraid that, in bonding that way with her daughter, she might lose her mom status. I also believe though that Emily really wanted a relationship with Lorelai, so maybe fear played a part in the rejection as well.

I can completely understand that aspect. My only child is 17 but has severe emotional problems and mental illness. She functions like a child because of it. I didn't help during her formative years by treating her worse than Emily treated Lorelai. I was afraid and stressed out and took it out on her. Since then, I've apologized to my daughter for the way that I treated her in the past, but the fear is still in me, the fear of hurting her and losing her. It is so difficult as a parent to let go of our own internal guilt and shame in regards to our children. I would have loved to see Emily and Lorelai explore their own insecurities and develop a real bond with each other. I am determined to be a better parent to my daughter, and I work hard at giving her the respect she deserves, a respect that she is finally giving me, as we learn to trust and love one another.

Have a great day everyone!  Grin  Lori
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Lori: "Friends come and go but I'm your mother. I'll always be here for you."
Ariel: "What if I'm an Archeologist in Eygpt and I'm having hallucinations and manic?"
Lori: "Then I'll be on the next plane. I won't give up ever"
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« Reply #1128 on: April 24, 2008, 10:40:48 am »

I think the hardest job in the world is being a mom.  We all bring our own baggage into the parent/child relationship as well as the spouse relationship.  I do believe we do the best we can at the time.  I think everyone is scared when one hears the first cry of one's new born.  There is no ready for that first child and all the apprehension and not knowing.   

When my kids were 4 and 2, I decided to get into therapy.  I came from a very dysfunctional family but back then who didn't?   I was lucky to realize some of the bad stuff I was carrying and to work through it while the kids were young.  Having said that, I still see places where I parented out of my own fear or stressors.   It is easy to see some stuff once we get past it.  I think being a big enough person to tell our kids we are sorry is what makes the difference.  My father never once said he was sorry to me about a lot of things he did and he did have ample opportunity.  I think we see that in Emily.  She has too much pride and ego to say she is wrong or sorry.  In those instances, you can never move forward with someone.  It takes a lot of growth and self examination to get real wisdom.  To be able to say you are sorry to your child and mean it is huge and makes all the difference in the world.  Tully
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Loridhhp
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« Reply #1129 on: April 28, 2008, 12:06:06 am »

I think what also makes it hard for Emily to reconcile with Lorelai is that (in the fictional Gilmore world) Emily was raised in the wealthy elite to be proper and respectful to your parents. Social standing was extremely important and close, demonstrative family bonds were frowned upon. Emily was raised to be in control of herself at all times. Lorelai was always a free spirit, very impulsive and emotional, a rebel. This was just not acceptable in the world that her parents grew up in. Lorelai reveled in being a free thinker and living from her heart, not societal dictates. That's why they clashed. Her parents, especially her mother, have their pride first and foremost, and admitting a wrong doing and apologizing is humiliating. It would take a lot for Emily to admit that her behavior towards her daughter was not loving, because Emily truly believed that how she raised Lorelai WAS her way of showing her daughter love. She couldn't understand why Lorelai would ever turn against all that she had given her.

Lorelai raised Rory far away from the world she grew up in and gave Rory choices she herself didn't have. She was openly demonstrative with Rory, because that's what she herself needed. She treated Rory with respect and had the support of lots of wonderful friends. There was so much pain and anger between Lorelai and Emily, from the pilot episode, that it was a main dynamic of the show: the Gilmore girls were not only Lorelai and Rory but Lorelai and Emily. It would have taken a major even to shake up the world of the elder Gilmore women to make them see their relationship in a different light and learn to support each other. That's why I would have loved to see an eighth season, to see Lorelai explore how it really feels to let your child go out into the world. It could have given her a bond with her mother to explore; the bond of letting go of your child and allowing them to make their own way in life.

These are lessons I learned watching Gilmore girls and I'm using them to better my relationship with my own daughter. It's really making a huge difference! I took a look at my life and decided to change what I didn't like about myself and start over with my daughter. It's amazing what you can learn from a TV show! I'm so glad to have had that experience and I own all 7 seasons on DVD. Luckily, I love to write fan fictions so I can heal wounds that were left opened on the show. Anyone interested in checking out my Gilmore Girls  stories can go to fanfiction.net and look me up. My user name is the same as here. If you read them, please review and let me know how you like them. Or better yet, go here: www.fanfiction.net/s/3764695/1 for my story "A Mother's Hope" and here: www.fanfiction.net/s/4194041/1 for the sequel "A Mother's Love". There's also a short oneshot called "In The Navy" which is fun. You can find it here: www.fanfiction.net/s/4003383/1 I hope you'll read and enjoy my Gilmore Girls fan fictions. Have a great day!  Grin   Lori
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Lori: "Friends come and go but I'm your mother. I'll always be here for you."
Ariel: "What if I'm an Archeologist in Eygpt and I'm having hallucinations and manic?"
Lori: "Then I'll be on the next plane. I won't give up ever"
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« Reply #1130 on: May 01, 2008, 04:48:33 am »

Well, it is funny you just posted about how great Lor ws with Rory because I am re-watching season 2 for the millionth time.  Remember the one where they have termites?  Well, Lor tells Rory not to say anything to her parents.  I found that childish and even more so the silent treatment from  her to Rory when Rory disobeys.  Yes, over all Lorelai was a much better, wamer, closer mom to her daughter then Emily to her.  She could be very over bearing though, bossy and childish when she did not get her way.  The same when Rory left Yale.  As soon as Rory made a decision, as an adult, that Lor didn't agree with she turned her back.  In some ways, she did carry on the Emily treatment.  You could argue she did it for Rory's own good but she ws mad that Rory was going against the plan!   She did the same thing with Jess although she finally did come around to that.   One of my contentions is all three Gilmore women are spoiled in there own way.  Then when Anna was introduced to the show we saw the same type of personality.  Obviously Amy is either that way or that is how she sees women.    I can see myself in all these women and that is why the show was so relatable.  I don't however have that tantrum quality.  I wanted to come up higher then what I came out of so early on I got myself in therapy so it would be different for my kids.  Don't get me wrong I hate not getting my way but I have learned how to be much more grown up about it.  Maybe you are right Lord had there been an 8th season we could have seen the evolution of that.  I am still miffed we didn't get one but....... Kiss
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Loridhhp
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« Reply #1131 on: May 01, 2008, 10:04:32 pm »

Well Tully, I agree with you about Lorelai's childish behavior at times. After all, she WAS raised an only child, and Lorelai tends to revert to a childish state when really stressed. It just shows her inner turmoil with being raised in the Gilmore house. Lorelai was determined to be more loving to Rory because she didn't receive that from her parents. And maybe the silent treatment to Rory when Rory disobeyed was Lorelai's way of not going all "Emily" on her daughter by yelling and making things worse. She wanted to cool down. I think when Rory left Yale, and they weren't speaking, it was a wake up call for both mother and daughter. Rory had to learn how to deal with life without her mother and Lorelai had to learn to let her go, despite her tendencies to "help". I think it was extremely hard on Lorelai to not speak to Rory and let Rory deal with her own mess. I believe it helped Lorelai grow up a bit. Lorelai has always had a codependent relationship with her daughter. Rory was her world and Lorelai was so wrapped up in Rory's life that she had trouble letting Rory live her own life. The separation in season 6 was devastating to Lorelai because it was like losing a piece of herself. While Lorelai and Emily have many similar qualities including stubbornness and spoiled qualities, Rory on the other hand, was more introverted. She had more of an anxious quality to her. She was shy and a people pleaser so of course she let people, including her own mother, influence her. Rory needed to step out of her mother's shadow and become her own person. I would have loved to see the evolution of that, had there been an 8th season. I also see myself in all three Gilmore women. I found the dynamics of their personalities and relationship with each other to be so well written. Every time I watch each episode I find something new, a different perspective that I hadn't noticed before. Long live Gilmore Girls and the lessons it teaches and the joy it gives!  Grin Have a great day!  Lori  Grin
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Lori: "Friends come and go but I'm your mother. I'll always be here for you."
Ariel: "What if I'm an Archeologist in Eygpt and I'm having hallucinations and manic?"
Lori: "Then I'll be on the next plane. I won't give up ever"
tully
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« Reply #1132 on: May 14, 2008, 04:37:13 pm »

Yea, I love watching Grahm on screen.  She is so vivacious and captures the camera.  I just realize over and over what a great actress she is.  She really plays the part so well.  She was in one of my favorite movies, One True Thing.  Although it is a small part, she is really good in it.

 I think the relationships of the three women is understood on some level by most moms, daughters etc.  I had a horrible mother but my grandmother was awesome.  She was a lot like Emily though.  So, for me Emily is understandable and I get a large part of how she acts is due to her generation.  Of course, my grandmother was a horrible mother to my mom just like on the show with Emily and Lorelia.  Believe me my family's dysfunction wins over the Gilmores but there are similarites to the story lines that I can relate to.  OK, was this too mumbo jumbo? It is late for me to be sharing thoughts.....Tully
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Loridhhp
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« Reply #1133 on: May 17, 2008, 02:56:04 am »

My prodigal daughter is returning! Grin My only child, who has been living in a residential facility for two years, is coming home on June 15th! I get a do over as a mom. I'm excited and so nervous at the same time. My daughter and I know how to push each other's buttons big time and I don't want to go all "Emily" all over her. I'm really trying to be patient and loving, even if I'm not perfect. I want things to be different, so it's up to me to change how I treat my daughter. I'm so psyched! My baby is coming home! Grin Smitten Celebrate Dance She's coming home for good. Time to use the lessons I've learned from Gilmore Girls and be the mom I know I can be.

Lauren totally rocks as an actress. She was definitely under appreciated by the industry. She should have gotten numerous emmys. I can't wait to see her movies when they come out.

I've written three Emily/Lorelai centered one shot stories on fan fiction if anyone wants to check them out. Just look for my profile under Loridhhp and you'll see them. I've gotten great reviews on them, saying that I did a good job of keep them in character, while giving them their moment with each other. If you do check them out, please review and let me know what you think. I love reviews. They are like coffee to Lorelai. Coffee Have a great day everyone!   Lori Grin Smitten

« Last Edit: May 17, 2008, 02:57:58 am by Loridhhp » Logged


Lori: "Friends come and go but I'm your mother. I'll always be here for you."
Ariel: "What if I'm an Archeologist in Eygpt and I'm having hallucinations and manic?"
Lori: "Then I'll be on the next plane. I won't give up ever"
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« Reply #1134 on: May 18, 2008, 05:10:54 pm »

it is so awesome how we can share the joy of this show in all ages
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honkifuluvGG
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« Reply #1135 on: May 18, 2008, 06:32:04 pm »

My prodigal daughter is returning! Grin My only child, who has been living in a residential facility for two years, is coming home on June 15th! I get a do over as a mom. I'm excited and so nervous at the same time. My daughter and I know how to push each other's buttons big time and I don't want to go all "Emily" all over her. I'm really trying to be patient and loving, even if I'm not perfect. I want things to be different, so it's up to me to change how I treat my daughter. I'm so psyched! My baby is coming home! Grin Smitten Celebrate Dance She's coming home for good. Time to use the lessons I've learned from Gilmore Girls and be the mom I know I can be.


Lori this is such great news!!!  I'm so happy for you and I know that it has been your goal for a long time now so I think you are more prepared for it than you feel right now.  Of course it's going to be nerve racking, and there will probably be bumps along the way, but progress has certainly been made from all accounts and now is your chance to shine as mother and daughter.  Good luck and congratulations to the both of you.
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« Reply #1136 on: May 18, 2008, 11:38:46 pm »

Thanks Caryn! I'm definitely going to need all the luck I can get! I've been a live in caregiver for a 93 year old lady for the past two years (which really wasn't much work, more companionship) and now I need to find a place to live cause I can't bring Ariel to live here with me. That sounds so easy, but when you can't work because of a disabiling condition, and you don't have a lot of disability income, it makes it real hard to afford housing and pay the bills. I'm really praying that I don't end up living in my car next month, that's how serious the situation is. I can't send Ariel to live temporarily with her father because they have serious relationship issues, and I'm afraid she'll self injure again or worse, attempt suicide. Needless to say, I've got a full plate! Not only do I want to have a better relationship with my daughter, but I'm trying to avoid homelessness. I'm trying to stay positive in the face of so much stress but sometimes it gets hard. I'm so glad I have my fan fiction writing and my internet friends to cheer me up. Have a great day! I'm going to continue writing chapter 4 of my most recent Gilmore Girls fan fiction, "A Mother's Love", sequel to "A Mother's Hope".  Lori
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Lori: "Friends come and go but I'm your mother. I'll always be here for you."
Ariel: "What if I'm an Archeologist in Eygpt and I'm having hallucinations and manic?"
Lori: "Then I'll be on the next plane. I won't give up ever"
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« Reply #1137 on: May 30, 2008, 12:50:17 pm »

Happy day, Lori! That's definitely the best news I've heard all day. My mom and my sister just had to evict my brother and my other sister (all adults, mind) over domestic disputes about carrying their weight and behaving as such. I just want to scream and tape them all to chairs for 150 straight hours of GG. I mean, it's not an answer, I know, but we've just had so many fights that are hard to get over. I just wish I could make it sink in that holding their relationships hostage in an argument hurts everybody around them as much as it does them.
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« Reply #1138 on: May 30, 2008, 07:41:22 pm »

lessa - Amen sisterfriend.  I lived my fair share of that kind of thing over the years also.  Not pretty and hard to get past.

Lori - How's it all going?  Well I hope.  Please know that you are being thought of and that I'm sending you positive vibes all the way from over her in Australia. Kiss
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« Reply #1139 on: June 06, 2008, 05:33:54 pm »

Hey all! With the economy being what it is, the gas, food and housing prices sky rocketing, I haven't been able to find a place to live yet. My sister (with whom I'm supposed to get an apartment) has not been able to get work after applying for like 40 jobs! She's still living in her car after 6 months with me trying to support her Without adequate employment, we can't get an apartment. I can't work a normal job due to disabling Fibromyalgia, so I'm not much help. In a weeks time Ariel will have no choice but to live temporarily with her father. His personality is a combo of Mrs. Kim and Emily Gilmore! I just don't have any other options right now. I'm trying so hard to get on my feet. I won't give up though. At least I have my fan fictions that I'm writing and my internet forums to keep me sane. Thank God for Gilmore Girls! So that's the update.

Have a great day everyone!  Lori  P.S. Thanks for the positive vibes all the way from down under Caryn! Here's a big cyber hug for you!  Hearts
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Lori: "Friends come and go but I'm your mother. I'll always be here for you."
Ariel: "What if I'm an Archeologist in Eygpt and I'm having hallucinations and manic?"
Lori: "Then I'll be on the next plane. I won't give up ever"
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