2.12 - Richard in Stars Hollow

[bingbong]

It's beautiful the way Emily reduces Luke to "the man at the diner, the one who refuses to shave." Plus, she has a friend named Cheeky Lennox. On top of that, did she really say she has a water aerobics class? Hard to picture it. Don't want to picture it. Perhaps after the mausoleum chat she decided she better stay fit and out-live Lorelai or her beloved daughter might dump her in with Aunt Cecile.

Paris' stereotyping of small-towns goes too far for my taste and i was put off when she got off the bus and talked about rabies and burning her clothes. But that's Paris, the good, bad and ugly. She was in her usual hyper-kinetic form. She doesn't need coffee. I like Rory's line "you're going to give yourself a stroke one of these days." Her diner scene was hilarious, especially the bit about lonely truckers looking for company. Luke makes a good straight man. I wish she'd visit S.H. more often, but she should drive next time.

This might sound off the wall, but the early scene where Richard is nit-picking Emily reminds me of an episode of "I Love Lucy" where Ricky is on vacation. He has nothing better to do than annoy Lucy around the house until she finally convinces him to help their son fly a kite. 

I prefer Emily's trip to Wonderland over Richard's, right down to the title of the episode. They should have called this one "Richard in Blunderland." Despite the final scene, i have trouble feeling sympathy for Richard. I can hardly stand to watch the scene at the inn where Richard scolds her while Michel smirks in the background. I agree with Michelle's post that, in his way, Richard means well. But he is remarkably oblivious to his own behavior, at least with Lorelai. Or maybe it points out, once again, the disconnect between Richard and Lorelai; that's the sad aspect of this episode to me, more than "obsolete" Richard. He has his usual lovefest with Rory and he even finds common ground with Dean, but no such moment with his daughter. The awkwardness was felt the instant Richard arrived and, as we saw in Lorelai's panic beforehand, it was pre-ordained. I think Lorelai's strategy was to keep things pleasant on the surface at all costs, a way of dealing with her father by not dealing with him. She didn't expect the kind of nit-picking that would sting her to the core.

I cut Richard slack over his initial concern with Dean's car. But the way he cast Lorelai aside makes it appear that he can't fathom her as a responsible grown-up and mother. It was much more than protecting Rory. As he did at the inn, he spoke to Lorelai as though she was still a child. Either that or he is completely locked in his own tunnel vision and Lorelai is nothing more than a prop for him to feel useful. Or a combination of those things. Perhaps they should have focused on their common dislike of Aunt Cecile to achieve a bonding moment. 

Lorelai ordered a banana with her breakfast, which has plenty of Vitamin C and folic acid, much like Richard's beloved grapefruit. I'm pointing that out because Lorelai isn't the only one who dislikes grapefruit, blech.

[lessa]

A big fat liar in which next paragraph?  As in later dialogue in the episode or the next paragraph in your post? 

If all Lorelai had said was that she didn't appreciate him lecturing her in front of her employees and undermining her authority in front of her daughter, how do you think Richard would have responded? 

Sorry, I meant in the dialog, where she insists Emily didn't make her invite him. The truth was, she'd never wanted him in her life, telling him off the first time he tried to get involved seemed a little harsh. You know, unless she had some prior experience that told her his motivations were sinister or his contribution irrelevant.

And All Rory told him was that she already had books and wasn't into death metal, he seemed to respond fine. And all Dean told him was that he wouldn't find any problems with the car, and he'd keep loving Rory regardless of Richard's "advise" about his future. He... came to terms with it. I couldn't help noticing that Gypsy responded in a remarkably professional way. That is, stating her position without rancor, then simply giving Richard what he wanted to make him go away. Was that what Lorelai was trying to do?

Lorelai didn't blow her stack until Richard tried to make a decision for Rory, then she unloaded her entire day onto him, acting as though there would have been some kind of bloodshed if she didn't take his word on grapefruits for breakfast. What was she expecting to happen if she fought back?

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel sorry for Richard. He didn't need Lorelai until he retired and discovered his nest empty, was he expecting to become a part of their lives in one day? But Lorelai notoriously leaves the door open for anyone who shows an honest effort to make Rory happy, if it had been anyone else, she would have at least invited him back.

[Dani257]

Okay, you mean when he said that Emily asked her to take him off her hands, and Lorelai said, no.

I think there are two pertinents with Dean and Rory and how Richard behaved.  With Rory, the pertinent thing is, she's Rory, his golden child granddaughter.  I don't think how he treated Rory could be a sign of how he would treat Lorelai.  Besides, aside from a very mild comment about giving her a bookcase (and I'm going by the transcript and don't have the tone in my head, but it didn't seem like a criticism, more like an offer of a gift) he didn't criticize her.  He was actually commending her with the death rock comment.  That he approved of her taste - or approved of her non taste.  So, I don't see where Rory was in a comparable situation to Lorelai in this episode.  Richard was all praise with her.


With Dean, the difference is, he's not Lorelai.  I think Richard treated Lorelai differently, because she was his daughter and he still saw her as a teenager who couldn't be trusted.  Plus, he doesn't have a lifetime history with Richard. One rude dinner.  It was probably a lot easier for him to respond, especially since he knew he had Rory as well as Lorelai in his corner.  And, as far as Gypsy was concerned, Richard was just some annoying guy (maybe she knew him as Rory's grandfather, but certainly didn't know him).  I think it would be much easier for her to be professional.  Richard was merely a customer, and not even that.

As far as not saying anything about the grapefruit or even his horrendously terrible behavior at her job, I figure Lorelai thought that she could put up with it, he was a guest and for the time that she had to actually spend in his company she could be polite enough to let his behavior slide.  But, when he undermined her parental authority he crossed a line.  I don't think she felt anything horrible was going to happen if she commented about the grapefruit (other than a possibly extremely unpleasant car ride later) but it wasn't worth the battle.  The stuff came out in a rush of holding it in during the entire day, but I think the main point was Richard overriding her as a mother.  I personally would have gotten him over the job thing first of all, but that and the car were the most inexcusable ones, and if Lorelai felt the car was the straw that broke the camel's back, I can't really blame her.  And, in the midst of it all, she did try to tell him that Rory's her kid and it's not up to him to make the decisions for Rory.  And, he just didn't get it. 

Okay, confusion time again.  Are you talking about Richard when you say she leaves the door open and saying she didn't for him?  I don't think her not inviting him back signified anything.  It's not like she was cutting him off from Rory.  Rory saw him every Friday, and it was probably a lot more convenient for Rory to see him at his home (Chilton was closer to the elder Gilmore's home than the Crap Shack was, and if Rory wanted she could easily stop by after school.)  Not being invited back to her house didn't shut the door on a relationship with Rory or even change the status quo between the two of them.   Leaving the door open doesn't literally mean an invite to her house, just a door open to Rory's life, which Richard still had. And I doubt she would have refused if Rory had asked for Richard to come back and spend the day at Stars Hollow with her (Rory).  She just would have made herself scarce so she didn't have to deal with his crap.
 

[lessa]

I don't buy that. I saw Richard offering slanted criticism/advice about everyone he met. In his discussion with Rory, he had actually started making a buying list before she interrupted him and stood up, first for her library, then for her organizational system, then for her personal taste in music (of which he didn't disapprove, but was still ignorant.) The thing was, she wasn't reacting like he'd criticized her, just like he didn't know her. And she really talked to him, like she wanted him to know her. She's fine with who she is, so she doesn't mind if Richard still has a lot to learn, see?

In his discussion with Dean, he acted as though he really believed Dean was incompetent to build a car, but unlike Lorelai, Dean saw right through it to Richard's deepest darkest fears and addressed them directly. Not by comforting him or telling him what he wanted to hear, just laying it out and not fearing him. I like the way they finished the discussion, with Richard about to go off on a tangent about tallness, and Dean just cutting it off like he was done discussing Richard's random opinions. Cheez, he really is the perfect boyfriend.

And I get Lorelai was trying to "put up" with him, the question is why? No one else did (besides Emily.) It's almost like she thought of his presence as a temporary hell that if she could just get through it, Richard would be gone and she could go back to pretending he didn't exist. Burn! Obviously she couldn't stay quiet when he began interfering with Rory, but seriously, he had a point about the car and the Harvard obsession. She didn't get angry because she thought he was wrong, she got angry because she thought he didn't have a right to say anything. Kind of like Luke got angry with her whenever she gave him advice about Jess, (or dating, or decorating the diner,) eh?

Sorry about the confusion, but yeah, I meant inviting him back above and beyond FND. Rory likes it when he visits, she hasn't kept it a secret, but she doesn't ask because of Lorelai's confusing baggage. And Richard wanted more involvement in their lives as much as Emily did, but he didn't try to trick or manipulate his way in, he just let himself be set up on a date with his family. It ended as badly as any set-up could have, but he's her father, as much as Christopher is Rory's father. If she wanted him to be a part of their lives (she doesn't) there were plenty of chances to try again. Richard's stamp collection wasn't going anywhere.

[laurla205]

I felt some sympathy for Richard in this episode.  All of his life he’s been this provider for his family and it’s his most important role and is all he has ever known.  Just as Emily said in the beginning of the episode and Richard himself said at the end of the episode, Richard works (and as Richard mentioned in The Bracebridge Dinner, Emily plans the functions) and that’s the way their life is.  It never seemed like Richard was one to take a ton of time off.  Sure they’d go on vacation for the holidays and the Cape during the summer once in a while but it’s not like he took off several months out of the year despite how much he traveled.  Not enough for the girls to miss too many Friday Night Dinners anyway.  The trouble he had when he figured out that he was being phased out of the company alone is enough to point to the fact that he’d have trouble adjusting to retirement.  I’m not saying it excuses his behavior when he crossed the line (which he did with both Emily and Lorelai) but as for a lot of the smaller nit-picky stuff neither Emily nor Lorelai can complain.  The man can’t change his behavior if he doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong and he really doesn’t seem to be aware of where he is going wrong. 

I didn’t think of his comments about Luke’s to be any kind of shot at Luke directly.  When he was saying it they were just walking in the door and Luke was not within earshot.  Richard was speaking more to Lorelai then anyone else.  I took it more as him reminiscing about a similar place he used to love to hate, finding peculiarities about it just as he had with the neighbor’s roof or where exaclty a vase is positioned.  Lorelai didn’t have to take that personally, nor did she have to take the later comment about her outfit personally, she was as good as applying Emily behavior to Richard inappropriately (since Emily’s usually the one who takes not-so-well disguised shots at Lorelai). 

Richard represents the older generation when it came to his comments at the Inn I think.  Each generation thinks the following generation is full of willy nilly kids who don’t know the value of good old fashioned elbow grease.  Anyone in the business world, as Lorelai is, is familiar with hearing comments such as “casual Friday is an atrocity, you should always show up to work in a suit and tie” and “dress for the job you want, not the job you have”.  Especially studying business at a college (community or otherwise), Lorelai would have to have studied the cultural changes taking place in business and at least be a little familiar with how Richard felt about “proper” business behavior/attire.  There were a million things wrong with the way he spoke to her after she got off the phone with Manny, scolding her like that and in front of employees.  But up until that moment I didn’t see any of Richard’s behavior (towards Lorelai) as an intentional jab.  Same goes for Emily; the only thing that she could have taken personally was her choice for dinner, it was almost as if he was trying to be difficult there. 

I can’t help but compare the first scene to the rest of the episode.  Here are Emily and Richard discussing this morbid subject with complete ease.  A subject that would make just about every other human being feel like they want to crawl right out of their skin they’re so uncomfortable.  And yet these two have no qualms with talking about it candidly.  But when it comes to their feelings with regards to one another, their lips are sealed.  It makes me think of Lorelai’s statement later in the series when she says the Gilmores don’t talk about their problems but Lorelai always took the problems and shoved them right in their faces.  It’s almost unnatural for her to have not done the same in this situation, guest or not.  I can imagine Richard responding to Lorelai (if she’d tried to head off the comments when they were made instead of letting them build up) much as he responded to Dean challenging him.  They might have had to dig out the old Independence Inn employee handbook to get to the bottom of the question of her attire, or looked up the food group pyramid with regards to grapefruit vs. banana, but she would have been heard in a less hostile kind of way and she would have established that she did have control over her life to a point that she knew what she was doing (that’s what every situation really came down to isn’t it?). Both Richard and Lorelai set themselves up for the way the visit turned out by coming to the ring with their gloves on, by trying to just get through it instead of making an honest effort to actually get along and enjoy each other's company, because they were both unhappy with being forced into the situation. 

What really disappointed me is that in return Richard lied to Emily when he got home at the end of the day.  About having dinner with the girls, having a nice time and that he would be working on his stamp collection.  Sometimes I think there’s no hope for these two becoming a balanced, communicative couple


Paris really was at her worst here.  When an actual competition is involved (instead of perceived competition) watch out!  I loved the censorship storyline and the Rory Curtain.  I watched the scene where Richard first shows up at the crap shack again after reading your comments Jim and agree that it’s sad that Richard can’t be open to a good relationship with Lorelai at this point (to be fair Lorelai isn’t open to one either).  I also agree that to Ricahrd, Lorelai is very much still a teenager.  Aren’t we all to some extent when it comes to our own parents though? 

Dean’s best line ever: Why, you wanna dance? 

[bingbong]

^ ^ I think Richard & Emily have their own definition of what constitutes a balanced, communicative couple. Richard is from that generation where the husband doesn't easily share his feelings (which might be true of younger people to some extent). It might not speak well of their relationship, but i'm not surprised he lied to Emily about his day. Telling her would only set her Emily wheels in motion, which could lead to more trouble, plus the details would be a bit thorny for him, no matter what slant he put on them.

Richard sometimes comes across as too much of a patriarch and not enough of a husband and father. I don't doubt for a second that he loves Emily and Lorelai. But he has never given a crap about Emily's interests and has never paid much attention to Lorelai. Regarding Emily, it might point to their roles in the marriage. But he is more self-absorbed than Emily. Hard for me to think of Emily as a nurturer, but where Richard is concerned that is part of her role, while he is in his own head much of the time, regardless of his working status. It usually works for them, i'll say that, so long as they keep those roles clearly defined.

I agree with Lauren/"205" (not to be confused with Lauren Graham)  that much of Richard's nit-picking was relatively harmless. He was being little more than a pest to Emily and there was nothing genuinely serious about it. That's why in my previous post i compared it to "I Love Lucy." Taken together, his little nagging points can add up and anyone might become annoyed after a while, but that's as far as it goes. Even with Lorelai, with something like the grapefruit it was relatively mild, no worse than a fly buzzing around your face. She allowed herself to become extra uptight about the fruit because she was already uptight and straining to conceal it.

But when Richard did cross the line, for me he obliterated the line. I cannot see any justification for his behavior at the inn. Richard is of a different generation and is stuck in his own mindset. But with his business background, as Mr. Decorum and Mr. Protocol, if he had to say something to Lorelai he should have known to do it in private. Even in private he would be absolutely out of line, but it would have removed the added dimension of the public spectacle. Even if Lorelai really did pull out the employee handbook and proven to him something about the dress policy or anything else, he probably would have insisted that it be altered. He was not going to budge. But, really, she does not have to give him any explanation for her business practices, period. I give Richard 100% thumbs down on that sequence. Even with the car, although he perhaps started out with noble intentions for the sake of Rory, he lost his good will by tossing Lorelai to the side. Even with a grapefruit/banana comparison, you can bet he would have trumped Lorelai by insisting that bananas are lacking in the digestive benefits of the almighty grapefruit.

As Lauren pointed out, some parents will forever see their children as, well, children or teenagers. It can be sweet in its way but it can also have its insulting and disrespectful aspects, especially when the parent and child do not have the context of a good relationship. Richard during the course of the series showed respect for Lorelai as a businesswoman and as a grown-up per se. Examples are season 6 when the Dragonfly was successful and she had the magazine story, and by the end of season 7 after his heart attack. Even at the Bracebridge dinner, Richard in his giddy mood praised Lorelai. But here he can only view Lorelai through the narrow focus of his own dilemma as the "obsolete" patriarch. His defensive reaction, to regain a sense of control and command, is to prove how much wiser he is than Lorelai in matters of business or in protecting Rory from her dumb-butt boyfriend. Lorelai is no angel in their barely existent relationship, but he was the one who crossed the line in this episode.

[lessa]

I looked at the part where Lorelai is explaining to Rory why she didn't want to spend a day having conversations with Richard. The way she describes the trip home from camp, I mean. He gives her a long-winded speech about how good campers call the counselor whatever they're told to call her, and she counters with "well, I flashed the swim team, too."

I guess I can see why she wouldn't bother defending herself to him. Win or lose, the argument would have been long, painful, bred resentment and ended the day together, essentially selling Emily out on one of her rare vulnerable requests. He's so controlling, no one could deal long-term, with every right or choice subject to argument.

Except the residents of Stars Hollow, that is. Lorelai is nicer about it, but she nags, pesters, manipulates and begs everyone when she's running the inn, on a date, on the phone, or at the diner. Even Rory gets a little of it, but she didn't look like she was going to cry every time Lorelai accused her of hiding under a muumuu.

Wait, I had a point...
Dean and Lorelai put their fight faces on when Richard started criticizing their relationships with Rory. Maybe Lorelai knows that Richard nags because he loves, so she takes his advice unless she absolutely can't. She couldn't back down at work, and she couldn't back down about how to raise Rory, but to fight him on it, she had to admit the truth: that she didn't want any advice from him, she just took it to show she loved him/her mom was making her. Maybe his speech at the end was a breakthrough, since when she rejected him as a child, he just let go and drifted away. Probably to work, where his anal attention to detail was appreciated and needed.

But wait, there's more. I was thinking about Taylor and Kirk, and how their relationship contrasts to Taylor and Luke's. Kirk actually likes Taylor, even more than the townies that don't hate him, and when they're together, Kirk does everything Taylor wants. Luke, by contrast, responds to the Richardlike boxing by becoming petulant, making stupid jokes, and, if necessary, driving him off with his scary Luke-hostility. Like Rory and Lorelai to Richard, you see. Maybe Lorelai is trying to protect Rory, who already exhibits the Gilmore verbal diarrhea, from also learning the Gilmore snootiness that makes them feel like constant criticism is the appropriate way to show affection. Or any other emotion.

Which reminds me of my old notion that under a Gilmore roof, Rory might have grown up very like Paris, whose Richardness was later metaphorized into a relationship with her snooty, "distinguished" Professor. Makes me wonder if Richard would have been a different father/provider/communicator if he'd had a "Lorelai Gilmore" to insulate emotional blows between himself and Trix.

[lessa]

Eh... and how about the way Jess responded to the censorship issue by swapping out the g-rated movies for soft core? (Or so I surmised, he was a little vague.) I'm guessing someone who operated outside a system of criticism and response was lookin' pretty hot to her about then.

[laurla205]

A little late…  ^^ I thought Lorelai’s explanation of the last time she and Richard had been alone together was more to show that they had nothing in common.  She mentions the long drawn out speech from Richard but also that it was a good thing she’d gotten into other trouble or they’d have run out of things to talk about.  I can understand that going to the mat over some of the smaller things may not be worth it but I don’t know how much of it was out of respect for Emily.  There was a point where that didn’t matter anymore and it didn’t have to go that far. 

Richard sometimes comes across as too much of a patriarch and not enough of a husband and father. I don't doubt for a second that he loves Emily and Lorelai. But he has never given a crap about Emily's interests and has never paid much attention to Lorelai. Regarding Emily, it might point to their roles in the marriage. But he is more self-absorbed than Emily. Hard for me to think of Emily as a nurturer, but where Richard is concerned that is part of her role, while he is in his own head much of the time, regardless of his working status. It usually works for them, i'll say that, so long as they keep those roles clearly defined.

I don’t think Richard doesn’t care at all about Emily’s interests.  He cares that she has them regardless of what the individual interests are.  That’s more important sometimes.  Richard is headstrong and set in his ways, nurturing he definitely is not   He is just his own kind of husband/father who is more focused on providing than anything else, to his own detriment a lot of times.   

But when Richard did cross the line, for me he obliterated the line. I cannot see any justification for his behavior at the inn. Richard is of a different generation and is stuck in his own mindset. But with his business background, as Mr. Decorum and Mr. Protocol, if he had to say something to Lorelai he should have known to do it in private. Even in private he would be absolutely out of line, but it would have removed the added dimension of the public spectacle. Even if Lorelai really did pull out the employee handbook and proven to him something about the dress policy or anything else, he probably would have insisted that it be altered. He was not going to budge. But, really, she does not have to give him any explanation for her business practices, period. I give Richard 100% thumbs down on that sequence. Even with the car, although he perhaps started out with noble intentions for the sake of Rory, he lost his good will by tossing Lorelai to the side. Even with a grapefruit/banana comparison, you can bet he would have trumped Lorelai by insisting that bananas are lacking in the digestive benefits of the almighty grapefruit.

Richard was wrong to approach Lorelai like that at the inn, but I definitely see where he’s coming from.  He pulled her aside away from the front desk.  Not completely out of earshot of everyone but away nonetheless.  It did seem as if that was taking it a little far unless he wanted other employees to reap the benefits of the advice.  But he didn’t seem to mind commenting on other things in front of anyone else so maybe it falls into the same category.  It’s not unusual for Richard to overlook Lorelai and head for Rory.  We saw that in the entrance scene mentioned earlier.  It’s not surprising that he got too involved with Rory’s ‘permission’ to have the car.  It’s not right but it’s also not the last time he steps into the role of the overprotecting father. 

[thevoid99]

I thought this was a great episode.  We got to see more of Richard Gilmore.  Yet, his alienation is understand.  Here's a man whose life is work.  He's a provider, he a caretaker and such.  When that role is gone.  What is there for him to do?

While I admit, his criticism of how his daughter lives her life and run things may be a bit unfair.  I think Lorelai and Emily should've cut a bit of slack for the fact that he's trying to do something.  His criticism of the car Dean built for Rory is a bit unfair as well but at least he got to know Dean a bit more.

Paris, trying to find anything bad about Stars Hollow was funny.  Yet, the video store thing is hilarious.  I too, wouldn't show kids Showgirls either.  That film sucked.  Rory, the poster-child for censorship.  Hilarious.  I wonder what Jess put in place of Dumbo and Bambi.  Wait a minute.  Those films have to be banned too.  The former has an alcoholic-induced scene while the other has a deer killed and such.  See the problem with censorship?

[gg crazy]

i love this episode! richard made me mad! he had no right 2 say that rory couldn't keep the car!

[GGfanatic08]

http://kayy so yea most definatly that car is unbelievable he made a car for rory!!!!! but richard i mean he had a right to be concerned but i think he took it wayy to farr

[dianakarenina]

i'm really neutral about rory's boyfriends. i think that each one has his own qualities and that they help form the person she ends up being.

but i've got to say: jess is hilarious in this episode!!

"An innocent child like me shouldn't be raised in this kind of environment! I wanna be good.. life's just not letting me" that one i've seen so many times and everytime i crack up!! it's just so funnyy!!!

i felt kind of bad for richard in this episode.. but it was time for us to see another side of him.. i mean, the protector he always is, but he also is the hard working husband and it's a funny transformation.

i also found it hilarious to discover that Emily and Lorelai both have a coffee addiction (could it be that Lorelai got it from Emily just like Rory got it from her? Interesting)

a very good episode, and i agree about the title.. Richard in blunderland would've made a nice pair with Emily in wonderland (:

[Gilmore Gyrlie]

Paris was hilarious, would've like to seen more of her in Stars  Hollow.


looking for the seedy underbelly.


Richard grated my nerves with his nickpicking, still don't like Jess.