[Inn kitchen]

RORY: Oh my God, I’m going to Chilton?!

LORELAI: You did it babe, you got in

[Kim household]

LANE: This guy asked about you today.

[Stars Hollow High]

DEAN: I’m Dean.

RORY: Hi.

[Kim household]

RORY: What did he want to know?

LANE: Where you were.

RORY: What did you say?

LANE: That you had to go to the genius school.

[Rory and Dean walking]

DEAN: I’ve been watching you.

RORY: When?

DEAN: Everyday.

[Chilton class room]

MAX: I’m Max Medina.

LORELAI: Nice to meet you.

[Gilmore kitchen]

RORY: Oh no! I’m gonna miss the test!

LORELAI: Go, go, go, go.

RORY: I’m gone.

[Chilton class room]

RORY: But what about the test?

MAX: I’m afraid you’ve missed the test.

RORY: I’m ready for this test. I know everything there is to know about Shakespeare.

[Headmaster Charleston’s office]

LORELAI: I think there’s been a terrible mistake. Rory told me that she wasn’t allow to take her test.

CHARLESTON: She was late.

LORELAI: And you! You say she’s smart and she’ll do fine and this rotting stodgy rat hole could use somebody like her, and then you completely shut her out of a test that she’s been cramming for, that she’s ready for, that she completely deserves to take!

[Walking in the woods]

RORY: You know, Harvard is my dream. I want it more than anything, I swear. I’m not ready to give up on Chilton yet.

[Gilmore house - answering machine message]

MAX: It’s Max Medina calling. Lorelai, it was a pleasure encountering you. I hope it happens again. Bye.

CUT TO GRANDMA’S HOUSE

LORELAI: So where’d you say Dad was?

GRANDMA: Away on business.

LORELAI: Location’s top secret?

GRANDMA: Oh, Germany.

LORELAI: Germany, is Dad’s firm insuring Nazi’s now.

GRANDMA: Your father doesn’t know any Nazis.

LORELAI: I know Mom, I was just -

GRANDMA: What?

RORY: Joking. She was joking.

GRANDMA: Oh, hard to tell.

LORELAI: Yeah, well.

GRANDMA: Oh, I’m afraid I have some bad news. Claudia died.

LORELAI: Who?

GRANDMA: Claudia, your cousin Claudia. Claudia!

LORELAI: I’m hearing the name Mom, I have no idea who that is.

GRANDMA: Claudia’s your cousin for all intents and purposes.

LORELAI: Oh, now we’re getting to it.

GRANDMA: She was your father’s, grandmother’s, sister’s girl, so to you that would make her -

LORELAI: Nothing.

GRANDMA: Regardless, the funeral’s on Thursday. I thought we’d all go together.

LORELAI: Oh, whoa. Two problems. One, impossible to get away from the inn on Thursday, two, I’ve never met this woman.

GRANDMA: You most certainly have.

LORELAI: When?

GRANDMA: Several times.

LORELAI: I’ll take one.

GRANDMA: We went to her house in Groton to see the first moon landing. She’d just gotten a new Philco.

LORELAI: I have no memory of this whatsoever.

GRANDMA: Rory, correct me if I’m wrong, but men have walked on the moon regardless of whether your mother remembers it or not.

RORY: That’s the rumor.

LORELAI: I know that men have walked on the moon, I just don’t know Claudia.

GRANDMA: So you’re not going?

LORELAI: Not this time.

GRANDMA: I don’t think Claudia’s planning to die a second time.

[Rory laughs]

LORELAI: Mom, I couldn’t go if I wanted to.

GRANDMA: Fine. Oh wait - Rudolf Gottfried.

LORELAI: Another cousin?

GRANDMA: No a Nazi that we knew, I’d forgotten. We stayed with him once in Munich, nice old man - interesting stories.

LORELAI: Mom, you socialized with a known Nazi?! That’s despicable, that’s heinous.

GRANDMA: No dear, that was a joke.

[Rory laughs]

CUT TO GILMORE KITCHEN.

[Rory comes out of her room and closes the door to music playing]

LORELAI: Hey, I’ve have an idea for a new reality show. How about everybody just looks out their friggin’ kitchen window for a change?

RORY: Ooh, she’s cranky this morning.

LORELAI: Let’s just say the world’s got a formidable opponent.

RORY: Wait, shouldn’t you be baking?

LORELAI: I don’t know, shouldn’t you be knitting?

RORY: Mom, the Chilton bake sale is today!

LORELAI: I know, I got it covered.

RORY: They expect things to be homemade…

LORELAI: I know.

RORY: By someone other than Dolly Madison.

LORELAI: I said I have it covered!

RORY: All of the parents pitch in so this is really, really important. You know that right?

LORELAI: Oh, I didn’t know that. In that case I don’t have it covered. I have it covered! Get your stuff and hit the stereo, we’re late.

RORY: That’s not me. [opens door and finds Lane dancing]

LORELAI: [to Lane] Where does your mother think you are?

LANE: [turns off music] On a park bench contemplating the re-unifications of the two Koreas.

LORELAI: Not here, skanking to Rancid?

LANE: Wouldn’t be included.

LORELAI: School!

[Pan to outside Gilmore house]

LANE: Bye.

RORY: Bye.

[Babette and Morey walk by pulling a wagon with a cat in it.]

RORY: Wow Cinnamon - riding in style.

BABETTE: Yeah, Morey made it. Cinnamon’s not walking good these days but she still likes her passeggiatas. That’s italian for ‘a nice walk’.

MOREY: Passeggiatas.

BABETTE: Oh God, he makes it sound so sexy.

MOREY: Oh come on.

LORELAI: [pointing] What’s that?

BABETTE: It’s Cinnamon’s private area, sometimes she likes to be alone. She’s just like Morey in that sense. Hey, say passegiatas again.

MOREY: I can’t do it on command Babs.

BABETTE: Oh he’s blushing. God I love a man that blushes!

RORY: Ok, our town is just weird.

LORELAI: Thank God.

RORY: Bye.

LORELAI: Bye.

RORY: I’ll see you later at school.

LORELAI: For what?

RORY: Mom, the bake sale!

LORELAI: Ah! Got the vein in the forehead. Whoo!

RORY: Sadist.

CUT TO BUS STOP

[Rory sitting on the bench reading. Bus comes up to the stop. Dean is walking and sees Rory and follows her onto the bus. She doesn’t notice him.]

DEAN: Hey.

RORY: Aah!! Morning.

DEAN: Good book?

RORY: I don’t know yet.

DEAN: I saw you standing in line so I thought I’d say hello. [pause] Hello?

RORY: Hello.

DEAN: Oh hey, uh, thanks for helping me get the job at the store. I mean, it’s not - it’s not a career or anything but it’s got me solvent.

RORY: Solvent’s good.

DEAN: Yeah, uh, are you always this serious?

RORY: No.

DEAN: So, uh, how long does it take you to get to school?

RORY: Um, 40 minutes if the bus driver’s focused, but longer if he’s trying to win something on the radio. [pause] Hey, this bus is going to Hartford.

DEAN: Yeah, I know.

RORY: But you go to school here, you have to get off the bus. [to bus driver] Hey, he has to get off the bus.

DEAN: W-w-w-wait, you’re forgetting something. Buses make stops. Goodbye Lorelai Gilmore.

CUT TO INN

MICHEL: Independence Inn, Michel speaking. [pause] Yes you are confirmed. Mm-hmm, goodbye.

[group of French men come up to the desk]

MAN: Bonjour monsieur, vous etes francais? Vous parlez francais?

MICHEL: No sorry.

MAN: Vous avez l’accent francais, vous parlez pas le francais?

MICHEL: Sir, I’m just a simple country boy from Texas. I don’t understand this francais business you’re talking about.

LORELAI: Pardon. [pulling Michel aside] He knows you are not from Texas.

MICHEL: Smile when you say that.

LORELAI: Michel, I told you there was going to be a french group here for a couple of days and it is your job to keep them happy.

MICHEL: Lorelai, I don’t know how many french people you’ve met over the years, but most of the are insufferable.

LORELAI: Really?

MICHEL: Mm, that is why I left France.

LORELAI: Huh, I thought it had something to do with the torches and the villagers. Michel talk to them.

MICHEL: Never. [pause] You are giving me that look aren’t you - your patented ‘Do it or something unspeakable shall befall you’ look. [sighs] Fine, I shall be French, but I shall not be happy.

LORELAI: Then you will be yourself. Good choice.

MICHEL: Bonjour messieur, je m’appelle Michel. Si je peux faire quoi que se soit pour vous aidez.

MAN: Ah, vous avez faite une blague tout a l’heure. Tres drole, tres drole Michel.

MICHEL: [to Lorelai] Kill me now.

CUT TO CHILTON BAKE SALE.

SOOKIE: Ok, we’ve got our french fantasies, our american treats and our italian taste sensations. Well, what do you think?

RORY: Amazing.

LORELAI: Oh! Incredible.

SOOKIE: It is good isn’t it? Well final touch. [lights a torch]

RORY: Oh, can I do that?

SOOKIE: Oh, w-w-whoa honey. This is a more delicate procedure than you might think, ok.

RORY: Ok.

SOOKIE: Takes an expert hand [walks by and sets the table cloth on fire]

LORELAI: [gasps] Oh, uh...hi. [takes a cups from the next table and fills it with lemonade and puts out the fire.] Hi. Oh well, gee, what is that? A dollar? Um, let me just give you - let me find you a dollar, um, you know what? I’ll take two, I’ll drink one. [drinks one] Mm, tasty and flame retardant.

[Max comes up to them]

MAX: Very Henry VIII

LORELAI: Well we’re not into subtle.

MAX: Good to see you Lorelai.

LORELAI: Good to see you Mr. Medina.

MAX: Max.

LORELAI: Mr. Medina.

MAX: Max.

LORELAI: Mr. Medina, meet Sookie the chef at the inn. Sookie, Mr. Medina.

SOOKIE: What was the name again?

LORELAI: Mr. Medina.

SOOKIE: I know, you said it like a zillion times. [to Max] Hello.

MAX: Hello. Lorelai could I please borrow you for a second?

LORELAI: Uh, yeah sure. [they start to leave but Lorelai turns back. To Sookie] Oh! Hey, I’ll be right back [taking torch. To Max] Trust me. [They walk away from the bake sale] So?

MAX: You know Lorelai, I would love for the ice to thaw.

LORELAI: There’s no ice.

MAX: Well you repeated my full name four times - that’s ice.

LORELAI: No, that’s not ice, it’s wintery.

MAX: I was doing my job when I didn’t let Rory take that test. I didn’t like it but I had to do it.

LORELAI: I know.

MAX: And I’d do it again.

LORELAI: Ok.

MAX: I really do think Rory’s a great kid and I’m going to do my damnedess to make sure she gets through Chilton in one piece.

LORELAI: I appreciate that.

MAX: And I’d like us to be friends.

LORELAI: We…are. Me too.

MAX: Yeah?

LORELAI: Yeah, really, truly, I swear, there’s no more ice. We’re walking in a pool of tepid water.

MAX: Good.

LORELAI: Good.

MAX: I’m gonna propose something here - I’m not sure how you’re gonna take it.

LORELAI: Oh wow - intrigue.

MAX: I’d like to see you sometime. [pause] Away from the ivy, away from the gargoyles, away from here.

LORELAI: Are you asking me out on a date?

MAX: Yes.

LORELAI: Well, I don’t wanna go out on a limb here, but I’m guessing if the Headmaster won’t let a kid be 30 seconds late for a test, he’d probably frown on a teacher dating a mom.

MAX: I do my job well, I’m dedicated to my students and there’s nothing in the Chilton book of ethics that prohibits it.

LORELAI: Yeah, but I’m guessing it’s sort of an unwritten rule.

MAX: Do you want to go?

LORELAI: And Rory would probably freak at the thought.

MAX: Do you want to go?

LORELAI: The other parents would have a field day with this kind of thing. MAX: Do you want to go?

LORELAI: Yes.

MAX: Good.

LORELAI: Wait.

MAX: What?

LORELAI: No.

MAX: Why?

LORELAI: I can’t, it’s wrong, it’s weird.

MAX: I’ll pay.

LORELAI: You’re on.

MAX: Really?

LORELAI: I’m kidding. I don’t know, you’re Rory’s teacher.

MAX: I know.

LORELAI: Could you quit? Right that’s crazy, I’m sorry.

MAX: Ok, ok, um how about coffee? Do you like coffee?

LORELAI: Only with my oxygen.

MAX: Can we drink some together? A sort of a pre-date - very casual, no strings, no obligations. We’ll just see if it’s even worth going down the road of including food in the deal. Just coffee? Decaf? Oh, there’s nothing safer than decaf.

LORELAI: I’m gonna be in town tomorrow because I’m taking a class at Hartford state and there’s a coffee shop across the street that I sometimes, almost all the time go to around 4:00, usually exactly 4:12. I could not stop a person from entering said establishment around that time, nor would I avoid them if I knew them, if they did.

MAX: You know the wordsmith thing - that’s something we have in common. LORELAI: So, see you around Max.

MAX: Indeed, you will.

CUT TO RORY AND LANE WALKING DOWN THE STREET

LANE: Philadelphia

RORY: Philadelphia? If you could live in any city in the world you’d pick Philadelphia.

LANE: M. Night Shyamalan lives there.

RORY: Who?

LANE: The guy who directed ‘The Sixth Sense’.

RORY: But what would you do there?

LANE: Hang out with M. Night Shyamalan.

RORY: Ok, cross ‘guidance counsellor’ off your list of potential career choices.

[Babette and Morey walk by with Cinnamon]

BABETTE: Lie still baby-doll, we’re almost home.

RORY: Hey Babette.

BABETTE: Hey kids.

[Cinnamon meows awfully]

RORY: Wow, that sounds bad.

BABETTE: Cinnamon’s dyspeptic. So is Morey. Too many clams.

MOREY: Bad clams.

BABETTE: This doesn’t reflect well on Al’s establishment.

LANE: You had clams at Al’s?

RORY: Al’s Pancake World?

BABETTE: Yeah, well we had a coupon.

[girls keep walking]

RORY: Oh wow! The store! Hey listen, I have to pick up some stuff so -

LANE: What do you have to pick up?

RORY: Just some stuff. So I’ll talk to you later tonight.

LANE: I’ll go in with you.

RORY: Why?

LANE: Because otherwise I’d have to go home.

RORY: Home is good.

LANE: My home?

RORY: Yeah, actually I don’t have to go in.

LANE: Ok, then I guess I will go home.

RORY: Great, go, bye.

LANE: Bye…freak.

[Rory sneaks into the store. Dean sees her and waves. She ducks into an aisle.]

MISS PATTY: Rory! Hello! Try a plum, they’re better than sex.

RORY: Um, no thanks.

MISS PATTY: Fresh fruit always had such a sensuality about it. Are you too young for this?

RORY: Definitely.

MISS PATTY: Well what are you here for honey?

RORY: [looking over at Dean] Oh well, I-I just -

MISS PATTY: Oh, I see what you’re here for. That wouldn’t fit in a basket. No, no, no, no.

RORY: Patty it’s not like that. He’s just a person.

MISS PATTY: A person?

RORY: A boy type person.

MISS PATTY: Oh, my favourite kind.

RORY: I really don’t even know him.

MISS PATTY: Oh right, you don’t know him?

RORY: I don’t.

MISS PATTY: You said.

RORY: Please don’t say anything.

MISS PATTY: I promise that I won’t tell a single soul that you don’t know that young man.

RORY: Thank you.

MISS PATTY: You’re welcome.

KIRK: Excuse me ma’am, what are you doing?

MISS PATTY: Please, honey, don’t call me ma’am, makes me feel older than 25. Here have a pea pod.

KIRK: I’m assuming that you’re going to pay for the food that you’ve consumed on the premise.

MISS PATTY: Oh, so brusque. And you are?

KIRK: I’m the new assistant manager here.

MISS PATTY: Oh well listen here my fine friend, who if he had a better hair style, I might consider dating - I do this all the time.

KIRK: Not from now on, I’m sorry.

MISS PATTY: Oh now wait a minute here, I’ve been sampling food at this establishment for years.

KIRK: The next time you put something in that mouth that doesn’t belong there, I’m going to remove it and then call the police.

[pan to cashier]

CASHIER: This all you want honey - a head of lettuce and a mouse trap?

RORY: That should do it.

DEAN: That’s a couple of must need items there.

CASHIER: $2.27.

RORY: I only have a dollar.

DEAN: I could loan you the rest.

RORY: Uh, no, I’ll just take the lettuce.

DEAN: Perfect, you could use half of it for a salad and use the other half to clobber the mouse with. [Rory starts to leave] Paper or plastic?

RORY: I’m fine [leaves]

CUT TO HARTFORD COFFEE SHOP.

[Lorelai walks in and sits one seat over from Max]

MAX: Lorelai?

LORELAI: Max! Hi.

MAX: Small world huh?

LORELAI: Absolutely. What are you drinking?

MAX: Coffee.

LORELAI: Plain coffee?

MAX: Well I wanted some cream but that prompted a very elaborate foam conversation, and the look of disapproval I got when I said I didn’t want foam just cream rivaled the one I got from my dad when I told him I wanted to be a teacher.

LORELAI: Wow, so it’s been a tough outing for you huh?

MAX: Well, it’s getting better.

WAITRESS: What can I get you?

LORELAI: Coffee please.

MAX: So here we are.

LORELAI: Here we most certainly are.

MAX: Running into each other.

LORELAI: Away from the school.

MAX: In these unique strictures.

LORELAI: These things do happen.

MAX: Fate can be funny.

LORELAI: Should we cut the cute and just get right to it?

MAX: I think we should date.

LORELAI: Why?

MAX: Because I think we both want to.

LORELAI: Well, I want to be in the Bangles, doesn’t mean I quit my job and get a guitar and ruin my life to be a Bangle does it?

MAX: The Bangles broke up.

LORELAI: Yeah, that’s not the point.

MAX: Well it has to be part of the point if there’s not band anymore.

LORELAI: I repeat my question - why should we date?

MAX: Because we’re clearly attracted to each other.

LORELAI: Well I’m attracted to pie, but it doesn’t mean I feel the need to date pie.

MAX: Ok, then because we are…

LORELAI: Yes?

MAX: Of similar heights.

LORELAI: Wow, round one and already tapped.

MAX: Look I know that you are concerned about the appearance of us dating.

LORELAI: Yes I am.

MAX: Well I can tell you that I am the sole of discretion when it comes to delicate relationships.

LORELAI: Dated a lot of Chilton moms huh?

MAX: No I meant any relationship - work, family.

LORELAI: Oh, so you have things to hide in all aspects of your life. Very interesting.

MAX: [to waitress] Do you have any hemlock back there? Arsenic? Something quick.

LORELAI: Do you like rap music?

MAX: Yeah.

LORELAI: Me too. Italian food?

MAX: Yeah.

LORELAI: Me too. You just telling me what I want to hear?

MAX: Yeah.

LORELAI: I knew it.

MAX: Doesn’t mean it doesn’t coincide with how I really feel.

LORELAI: Yeah but if you’re telling me what you think I want to hear, then I’m not really getting to know you.

MAX: If I know what you wanna hear, that shows a level of understanding on my part that far exceeds your understanding of me. [pause] Who’s the one lagging?

LORELAI: Uh..

MAX: Wow, round one and already tapped.

LORELAI: Rory is my life, she’s my pal, my everything and I would never ever do anything that would hurt her.

[Man sits between them.]

MAX: I understand, but Rory is not a baby anymore.

LORELAI: Oh, don’t say that, she’s 8, she’s 8 and her favourite hobby is maing necklaces out of gum wrappers.

MAX: Well you could try stunting her growth, putting her in a box, blowing cigarette smoke on her. [to man] You are so taking this out of context. [man leaves] Ok, when my uncle was a young man, there was this girl who lived across the street from him and he was completely in love with her, but her never talked to her. But he knew in his gut that this was the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

LORELAI: This is gonna be sad isn’t it?

MAX: No let me finish.

LORELAI: It’s gonna be sad.

MAX: So anyhow, my uncle watches this girl waiting for the right moment to approach her, the next thing he knows, he gets drafted.

LORELAI: Oh, going for the kleenex.

MAX: No, he thinks this is perfect. ‘I’ll come back, I’ll have a career, I’ll have served my country, I’ll be worthy of her love.’ When he gets back, she’s gone - moved away, no one knew where. He never saw that girl again. Now my uncle didn’t say much to me, but the one thing that he did say was that if there’s something in you gut that you know you feel is right, you gotta go after it, no matter what. What do you say?

LORELAI: [sighs] Maybe dinner wouldn’t be such a bad idea. [taking out a card]

MAX: Dinner? You mean we could eat together, even drive together?

LORELAI: Just take the card.

MAX: I might frame the card.

LORELAI: Just use the card.

MAX: I definitely will. [gets up and starts to leave.]

LORELAI: Hey.

MAX: What?

LORELAI: That story about your uncle, is that true?

MAX: Goodbye Lorelai Gilmore.

CUT TO LUKE’S

SOOKIE: Thank you.

LORELAI: Life is a funny funny thing huh?

SOOKIE: Yeah, I love that Jim Carey.

LORELAI: What?

SOOKIE: Jim Carey. He’s just - he’s just funny.

LORELAI: He is funny, but I don’t mean funny funny, I’m being philosophical.

SOOKIE: Oh, very serious face - Jean Paul Sartre [making a somber face]

LORELAI: I can’t talk to you with that face.

LUKE: How do you guys get any work done?

SOOKIE: So why is life such a funny thing?

LORELAI: I met this amazing guy.

SOOKIE: Goody.

LORELAI: Yeah, there’s goody stuff about it and there’s baddy stuff too. He’s a teacher at Chilton, Max you met him at the bake sale.

SOOKIE: Oh - he looked good.

LORELAI: Yeah, right. He’s so sexy and smart and funny and he likes coffee.

SOOKIE: God, he sound perfect for you. Did you get onions?

LORELAI: No.

SOOKIE: Hey Luke you forgot the onions!

LORELAI: I’m just so mixed up though. You know this is a real crossroads kind of situation. It’s like ‘to perm or not to perm.’ I’m really confused.

SOOKIE: Oh for heaven sake. [gets up and goes around the counter]. Go ahead, I’m still listening. You were about to perm your hair.

LORELAI: I just want to do the right thing.

SOOKIE: I’m not sure I see what the problem is.

LORELAI: Oh, there are many problems. First, I do not like to involve Rory in my personal life. I don’t want her to deal with that you know. I bring some guy home and he might not be the guy but then she gets all attached and then all of a sudden I decide that I don’t like the way he eats or hums incencantly or -

SOOKIE: Or the way he smacks his lips or how his hair isn’t really his.

LORELAI: Yeah, and then I break up with him and then Rory is the one that gets hurt.

SOOKIE: I totally understand.

LORELAI: This guy is her teacher - I mean, there’s not way to keep him out of her life, she sees him everyday.

SOOKIE: Are you the open-faced turkey? [to customer]

CUSTOMER: Yep.

SOOKIE: Ok, I added a little fresh lemon and a little cayenne pepper. You’re gonna plotz! [to Lorelai] You do know Rory’s not a baby anymore.

LORELAI: I know, that’s what he said. Maybe I’m being too serious, right? Maybe I should loosen the rules a bit. Plus it’d be great to get - you know.

SOOKIE: What?

LORELAI: You know.

SOOKIE: No I don’t.

LORELAI: You know…he knows [pointing to the open-faced turkey customer]

SOOKIE: You know?

CUSTOMER: Yeah, I know.

LUKE: Sookie!

SOOKIE: Hey, I was looking for your paprika.

LUKE: Hey, what have I said about the counter?

SOOKIE: I know.

LUKE: How the counter is a sacred space?! My sacred space. You don’t do yoga on the Dhalai Lama’s mat and you don’t come behind my counter, period!

SOOKIE: I was trying to help.

LUKE: [to Lorelai] You bring her again, I want her on a leash, I mean it!

SOOKIE: He does make a damn fine burger though.

LORELAI: He does at that. Alright, I’m just going to keep it simple. I’ll tell Rory that if there’s even an ounce of weirdness about it I’ll cancel.

SOOKIE: You haven’t told Rory yet?

LORELAI: No.

SOOKIE: Oops.

LORELAI: No, not oops. The timing hasn’t been right. This is a very delicate, fragile situation. It’s like one of your souffles, if you don’t do it right, it’s a disaster.

SOOKIE: And you have to order it 45 minutes in advance.

LORELAI: Huh?

SOOKIE: My souffle.

LORELAI: Right, but I wasn’t speaking directly about your souffle, I was speaking metaphorically.

SOOKIE: Oh, so you don’t like my souffles?

LORELAI: How do we work together.

RORY: Mom, you’d better come.

LORELAI: Honey what’s wrong?

RORY: It’s Cinnamon.

CUT TO BABETTE AND MOREY’S HOUSE

LORELAI: Babette? Honey?

BABETTE: Oh Lorelai, come in, come in. She’s gone. Cinnamon’s gone.

LORELAI: Oh, I’m so sorry.

RORY: Is there anything I can do for you Morey? [sitting with him on the couch]

MOREY: This is life Rory, it breaks your heart.

BABETTE: She looked like she was sleeping. I thought she was sleeping, so I nudged her and she didn’t wake. I gave her a push and she rolled off the couch and since I just waxed the floor, she went shooting across the room and then she knocked over the lamp and she still didn’t move, I knew it was over. Oh my God, my baby.

MOREY: Tell me it wasn’t the -

BABETTE: Oh Morey, don’t do this to yourself. He thinks it was the clams.

MOREY: She saw me eating them and she gave the that ‘Hey man, what’s up.’ look and -

VET: It wasn’t the clams. Morey, in human years, this cat was 260 years old.

LORELAI: That’s a good long life.

VET: Listen, why don’t you let me take her to the van and then I’ll get out of your way.

BABETTE: Oh, no stay…all of you please stay. Cinnamon would want you here.

RORY: We’ll stay as long as you want.

MOREY: I’ll never eat clams again.

RORY: Me either.

[Pan to later that day. House is full of mourners.]

LANE: They said that they rolled her body into a lamp? [Rory nods] Did you laugh? [Rory shakes her head]. Did you want to? [Rory nods]

RORY: But it’s sad.

LANE: Yeah, it’s sad.

[Michel enters]

MICHEL: Hello? Hello where is Lorelai? I’m dropping something off. Yoo-hoo ‘hee-haw’ man, where is Lorelai Gilmore?

LORELAI: Hey, hey, hey, thank you. I could not get back to the inn.

MICHEL: Mmm. What you are having a party and I was not invited?

LORELAI: Sweetie, it’s not a party, it’s a wake.

MICHEL: Oh really, who died?

LORELAI: Their cat.

MICHEL: You’re mourning a cat?

LORELAI: Yes.

MICHEL: They lick their privates these cats?

LORELAI: Not the comforting chit-chat we’re looking for here. Goodbye, I’ll talk to you later, thank you.

MISS PATTY: Babette? Morey? I came as soon as I heard. Oh, darling what do you need?

BABETTE: A little air honey!

MISS PATTY: Oh - oh.

[Pan to the outside of house]

SOOKIE: Oh, Luke.

LUKE: Sookie.

SOOKIE: Whatcha got in the bags?

LUKE: Bricks.

SOOKIE: Yeah, good one.

LORELAI: Oh, bless you both, everyone’s starved. Come in.

[Sookie and Luke try to enter at the same time and get stuck. They back up and Sookie sneaks in first.]

LORELAI: Ok, show should we do this?

SOOKIE: Well we need to create a flow to the room so that there’s no bottle necks. People coming in the front door, they’re gonna want a beverage. Put them on the first table. Then the smaller hors d’oeuvres next to that, leaving one hand free to greet the people. Then back there, set up the plates and cutlery, first the salad, then the meat dishes, then put the desserts on the piano bench. How’s that sound?

LUKE: [drops his bags on a table] Dig in!

[Pan to later that day. Knocking at the door. Rory opens it]

DEAN: Oh, hi, uh, wow, I wasn’t expecting you.

RORY: Or me, you. I mean you me. I mean come on in you.

[Dean chuckles and walks in carrying drinks]

LORELAI: [walking by] Do you know him?

RORY: No.

LORELAI: No?

RORY: Well he goes to my old school, so I’d see him there sometimes, but, uh, I go to Chilton now.

LORELAI: Thanks for the update.

RORY: You’re welcome. [Lorelai leaves, Dean comes back]

DEAN: Hey, uh, do you have a second?

RORY: No. I have gum.

DEAN: No, thanks. Uh, look -

RORY: I have to get back.

DEAN: Oh, ok, uh, sure. I’ll see you later.

[Dean leaves. Rory follows him out on the porch and sighs. She sees Max Medina on her porch.]

RORY: Mom?

LORELAI: [walking by comes out onto the porch] Huh?

RORY: Isn’t that -

LORELAI: [seeing Max gasps] Oh no.

RORY: That’s Mr. Medina.

LORELAI: Tonight’s Thursday.

RORY: Well am I in trouble? Did the school call?

LORELAI: No, no you’re great. Let me just come back in just a second.

RORY: Wait, what’s going on?

LORELAI: Let me tell you in a minute.

RORY: Tell me now.

LORELAI: Max is here -

RORY: Max?

LORELAI: Is here to pick me up.

RORY: Pick you up for…oh.

LORELAI: I’m gonna talk to him real quick and I’m gonna be right back.

[Runs over to her house]

LORELAI: Hey.

MAX: Oh, hi.

LORELAI: Hi.

MAX: I was knocking but no one answered.

LORELAI: I know, I was at the neighbour’s house. Max, I should’ve call you sooner but -

MAX: You’re cancelling.

LORELAI: I know it’s totally last minute.

MAX: I’m heartbroken.

LORELAI: I just completely forgot about our date.

MAX: And forgettable.

LORELAI: No you’re memorable. I’ve been memorabling you all week. It’s just that we had a little emergency.

MAX: Rory? Is Rory ok?

LORELAI: No, Rory’s fine. It’s the neighbour’s cat.

MAX: The neighbour’s -

LORELAI: Cat. She died.

MAX: Oh, she died.

LORELAI: This was a very fat, very beloved cat.

MAX: I see. Lorelai…I like you and I don’t want to force something on you that you don’t want to. So…[starts to leave]

LORELAI: No, no, wait. Wait, no, wait. Max you’re not forcing anything on me. I’m telling the truth about the cat.

MAX: Lorelai.

LORELAI: Max, please don’t read that much into this. Call me and we’ll reschedule. I promise that’s what I want.

MAX: Are you sure?

LORELAI: Cross my heart and hope that no other neighbourhood pets die on that day.

MAX: Ok, I’ll call.

LORELAI: [sighs] Good.

MAX: I’m sorry about um…

LORELAI: Cinnamon.

MAX: Cinnamon. [leaves]

LORELAI: Yeah. [looking up] Stupid cat! You couldn’t have held on one more day?!

[Pan to the inside of house]

SOOKIE: Is that meatloaf?

LUKE: Yeah.

SOOKIE: Do you use ketchup?

LUKE: You’re gonna make fun of my mother too?

SOOKIE: Sorry. [pause] You know, my real-fruit puffs would compliment that dish quite well.

LUKE: It’s fine on its own, thank you.

SOOKIE: Right.

LUKE: Ok, toss some on the plate.

SOOKIE: Can I make a pretty design, maybe make some layers?

LUKE: Sookie!

SOOKIE: Right, tossing them on. Got it.

[Lorelai comes in]

LORELAI: Hey guys, have you seen Rory anywhere?

LUKE: Yeah, I think she headed that way.

LORELAI: Ok, thanks.

KIRK: [approaches Miss Patty] Excuse me ma’am?

MISS PATTY: Oh, well if it isn’t Kirk the jerk.

KIRK: I want to apologize for what happened at the store yesterday.

MISS PATTY: I’m listening.

KIRK: I wasn’t aware that you were the Miss Patty. The owner tells me you’re one of our best customers and that you can put anything in that mouth that you want to . Those were his words, I could’ve paraphrased them.

MISS PATTY: Stop sweating and close your pores Kirky. I always forgive. KIRK: Thank you.

MISS PATTY: Once.

[Pan to the kitchen. Lorelai finds Babette packing stuff]

LORELAI: Hey Babette.

BABETTE: Oh, hello sugar. Can I get you something?

LORELAI: No, I’m fine. I’m just looking for Rory.

BABETTE: Oh, I think she might be in the bathroom.

LORELAI: Thanks. Can I help you with something?

BABETTE: Oh no, I thought I’d just get some of this stuff packed away. LORELAI: Wow, Looks like a scene from the kitty version of ‘Valley of the dolls’ [Looking at the cupboard full of pill bottles]

BABETTE: Yeah, you never realize how old they actually are until you look in the medicine cabinet.

LORELAI: Yeah.

BABETTE: [pointing at pills] These were for her heart worms, for her thyroid, for her kidneys, for the rash she got for taking these, and these were for the tics she developed from taking the stuff for the rash. And these - oh jeez, these are mine. Damn. I’m gonna miss that old broad.

LORELAI: Oh, I know.

BABETTE: You know, I don’t know what I’m gonna do with myself now. You live to take care of your kids.

LORELAI: I know sweetie, but you gave her everything you had.

BABETTE: Yeah. She was so tiny when I got her. She could sleep in my shoe.

LORELAI: The other day I came across a hat that I made for Rory. It was like a doll hat.

BABETTE: Oh, they grow up so fast.

LORELAI: And then they take your clothes.

BABETTE: I guess eventually you have to move on, figure out what your life is gonna be when you’re not busy taking care of somebody else. Jeez, look at this place. No a clean glass in sight.

LORELAI: Let me help you with that. [Tries to find a comfortable position to wash dishes] Hmm.

BABETTE: Oh, here sugar, use this. Morey sits on it when he helps me.

LORELAI: Wow. How does Morey get around here?

BABETTE: Oh just fine. He had a couple of concussions his first year here, but he never complains. He’s just the best thing. Don’t know what I’d do without him.

LORELAI: Oh Babette, what do you mean ‘without him’?

BABETTE: I saw on Oprah a few weeks ago - she had on couples who lost a child. Most of the marriages when belly up for the pain of it all, even though they loved each other.

LORELAI: Babette, that is not going to happen to you.

BABETTE: I never thought a man would ever want me.

LORELAI: I know the feeling.

BABETTE: Oh please - with that ass. Gimme a break.

LORELAI: I meant want me for more than my ass. Me for me, the whole package, annoying neurosis and all.

BABETTE: You’ll find him. It might even be that stud that drove out of here in that mustang.

LORELAI: Did you see him?

BABETTE: Oh yeah - what a jaw.

LORELAI: Right, he’s got a great jaw.

BABETTE: How is he in the sack?

LORELAI: I haven’t gone out with him yet.

BABETTE: Will you tell me how he is when you do?

LORELAI: I’ll call you during the cigarette. [they giggle and hug. Lorelai hits her head on the light] Ow, oh.

[Piano playing]

BABETTE: Oh, that’s Cinnamon’s song.

[Pan to the living room, everyone listening to Morey play.]

LORELAI: [coming up to Sookie] I can’t find Rory anywhere.

SOOKIE: I’m sure she’s around.

LORELAI: Max showed up for the date that I forgot about and she saw him.

SOOKIE: And you haven’t -

LORELAI: Told her about it? No.

SOOKIE: Oops.

LORELAI: Stop with the ‘oops.’

SOOKIE: Ok, calm down, it’s not that big of a deal.

LORELAI: Her teacher showed up on her porch to take out her mother.

SOOKIE: She’ll understand. You’re crazy, she knows that.

LORELAI: Enough of the comforting Sookie.

SOOKIE: Sorry [leaves to find Rory. Sookie continues to listen to the piano]

[Pan to outside. Rory sitting in the yard. Dean comes up to her]

DEAN: Hey.

RORY: Jeez! You scared me.

DEAN: Yeah, uh look, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.

RORY: For what?

DEAN: Well I’ve been kind of bugging you lately. I thought, I don’t know, I thought you maybe liked me but it’s obvious you’re not interested so I just wanted to say that I get it and I’m not gonna bother you anymore. [turns to leave]

RORY: Wait! [runs up to him] I am interested.

DEAN: You are?

RORY: Yes. I gotta go. [leaves Dean smiling]

[Pan to porch. Rory runs up as Lorelai comes out of the house.]

LORELAI: Oh finally. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.

RORY: Well you found me.

LORELAI: Listen, I have some explaining to do ok, so sit right down in that tiny little chair and I’m gonna do it right now. That man on the porch was your teacher.

RORY: Mom, I’m a little behind in school, but not so behind that I don’t know who the teacher is. So?

LORELAI: So, um, he and I were going to sort of hang out together.

RORY: On a date.

LORELAI: No, on something that could appear like a date to the untrained eye.

RORY: And to your daughter’s eye?

LORELAI: It was a date.

RORY: How long have you been dating him?

LORELAI: I haven’t, this was going to be the first time.

RORY: And when were you planning on telling me about this? On your wedding?

LORELAI: No, by the rehearsal dinner at least.

RORY: He’s my teacher.

LORELAI: I know.

RORY: He teaches me things, everyday, in a very small classroom with a lot of other kids who probably aren’t going to be high-fiving me when they find this out.

LORELAI: I know sweetie, and I told him this was one of the things I was concerned about.

RORY: And?

LORELAI: And he thought we could be discreet.

RORY: Unbelievable.

LORELAI: Are you mad?

RORY: Yes.

LORELAI: Right. Because I’m dating him?

RORY: Because you lied to me.

LORELAI: I kept information from you.

RORY: Information that I should’ve had.

LORELAI: Information that would’ve come out eventually, like the Iran-contra scandal.

RORY: So you’re Oliver North

LORELAI: No, I’m Fawn Hall.

RORY: Mom.

LORELAI: Well she was much prettier.

RORY: I just can’t believe that you didn’t tell me about this. Why wouldn’t you tell me?

LORELAI: Because I thought you were gonna take it bad, thank God I was wrong. Ok, ok, listen, I’m sorry. I won’t date him, I promise.

RORY: I’m not saying that you can’t date him. It’s just - this is weird. I mean, there are a million guys in this world and you end up with Mr. Medina.

LORELAI: You think I don’t get the weirdness factor? Believe me, the last thing I intended to do was date your teacher.

RORY: I believe you.

LORELAI: I really like him Rory, I can’t help it. And it’s been a really long time since I felt like this. You can’t always control who you’re attracted to you know. I think that Angelina Jolie - Billy Bob Thorton thing really proves that. And I know you don’t understand this now, but you will. Someday, you’ll meet some great guy and he’ll make you’re head all foggy and you won’t know what to do with yourself. Oh sweetie, I won’t keep anything from you again ok? I promise. From now on, every aspect of my life is an open book to you.

RORY: That’s ok.

LORELAI: Really, I’m not even going to get dressed until I tell you what I’m thinking of wearing.

RORY: Fair enough.

LORELAI: Ok, tomorrow. I’m thinking the purple tiger top, black leather skirt, panda bear underwear.

RORY: Oh, good.

LORELAI: Of course I’m totally open to suggestions.

RORY: Here’s one - get some help. [they giggle]

[Pan to later, Rory and Lorelai are leaving]

LORELAI: Let us know if we can do anything.

BABETTE: Oh you’ve done too much already.

LORELAI: Good night Babette.

BABETTE: Good night sugar.

RORY: Night Morey.

MOREY: Stay cool Rory

[they leave]

BABETTE: [sighs] It’s getting late.

MOREY: Let’s stay outside a while baby, look for the big dipper.

BABETTE: Ok, I’d like that.

CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE

[Phone’s ringing as they enter]

LORELAI: Hello?

GRANDMA: I’ve been trying to get you all afternoon.

LORELAI: Mom?

GRANDMA: Yes.

LORELAI: Hi.

GRANDMA: You already said that.

LORELAI: But someone hasn’t.

GRANDMA: Hello.

LORELAI: There we go.

GRANDMA: You are impossible to reach.

LORELAI: Well there’s no messages on the machine mom.

GRANDMA: I don’t leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d talk to my VCR. Where were you?

LORELAI: At a wake.

GRANDMA: A what?

LORELAI: A wake, a funeral.

GRANDMA: A funeral for who?

LORELAI: It was for the neighbour’s - [Rory’s motioning not to tell her] cat. {mouths ‘what?’ to Rory]. Mom?

GRANDMA: Hold on, I’m looking up aneurysm in our medical dictionary to see if I just had one.

LORELAI: I just wanted to be honest with you mom, silly me.

GRANDMA: A cat?

LORELAI: Yeah, a cat. It was a cat’s funeral.

GRANDMA: You skipped your own cousin’s funeral for a cat funeral?

LORELAI: Not my cousin mom. My father’s grandmother’s sister’s girl who I never -

GRANDMA: You said you couldn’t be away from the inn.

LORELAI: Well I couldn’t at the time, but I worked it out.

GRANDMA: For a cat?

LORELAI: It’s late, I have a big day tomorrow mom.

GRANDMA: Oh what? You’re going to a raccoon’s wedding?

LORELAI: Good night mother.

GRANDMA: Good night.

LORELAI: Aaagh! She’s working for a sedative manufacturer, keeping that demand sky high.

RORY: You shouldn’t have told her.

LORELAI: Well I don’t know what to tell and what to hide.

RORY: Yeah.

LORELAI: So we never did quite settle the whole dating your teacher issue. I won’t go out with him if you don’t want me to.

RORY: You can go out with whoever you want.

LORELAI: It’s whoever we want.

RORY: Well I’m certainly not going to go out with him because that would be really weird.

LORELAI: But I mean it. I won’t see him if you don’t want me to.

RORY: Huh.

LORELAI: You know if there’s anything that makes you uncomfortable, big or small, then he’s outta there.

RORY: Good to know.

LORELAI: Because you know, it’s not like I’m desperate. I mean, there are plenty of other guys out there.

RORY: Sure are.

LORELAI: And it’s not like I have to ask your permission. I mean, this is a courtesy.

RORY: Ok.

[Rory goes into her room and closes the door]

LORELAI: [louder] Ok, so I’m gonna be up for a while if you want to get back to me on this.

RORY: I know where you are. [Lorelai turns to leave]

[Rory sticks her head out the door]

RORY: Hey, do you think you could keep him out really late on Thursday night because I have this oral exam on Friday that I’d really love him to sleep through.

LORELAI: I’ll do my best.

The End


Cinnamon's Wake Summary ...

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