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Transcript: Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days ...


Written by: Amy Sherman-Palladino
Directed by: Amy Sherman-Palladino

OPEN IN LORELAIíS BEDROOM

[Lorelai is asleep in bed when her alarm goes off. She shuts it off, and a second later, several others start going off around her bedroom.]

LORELAI: You are hilarious!

[She gets up and walks down to the kitchen, where Luke is at the stove making breakfast]

LORELAI: Okay, see, last night, when I said to you, ĎTomorrow, no matter what, make sure I get up at seven,í what I actually meant was, ĎTomorrow, no matter what, make sure I have the option of getting up at seven in case when seven comes, I actually wanna get up,í which Ė as it happened Ė I didnít. Therefore, youíre currently responsible for the great alarm clock slaughter of 2002.

[She pulls a container of coffee out of the freezer]

LUKE: No survivors?

LORELAI: The one shaped like a bunny escaped with a mild decapitation.

[smells the coffee] This is decaf.

LUKE: What are you talking about?

LORELAI: You switched my coffee again.

[Lorelai searches the kitchen for the regular coffee]

LUKE: Iím a busy man. I donít have time to sneak around switching your coffee. I have a diner to run, I have shipments to order, I have things to flip and fry. Will you stop that?

[Lorelai finds the bag of regular coffee under the sink]

LORELAI: Ha, haha, hahaha! Under the sink, very clever, but not clever enough bucko.

LUKE: Okay, fine, you know what? I give up.

LORELAI: Woo hoo!

LUKE: Go one day without coffee.

LORELAI: Thatís not giving up.

LUKE: Iíll put a toy in your cereal.

LORELAI: Dirty!

LUKE:

[hands her a plate of food] Fine, here, you win.

LORELAI: Thank you.

LUKE: Youíre welcome. Now youíre up, youíre fed, Iím leaving.

LORELAI: Oh, hey, we need q-tips.

LUKE: Iíll alert the media.

LORELAI: See, thatís better with the accent.

LUKE: The reference is enough, youíll learn that one day. Iíll be home early, anything besides the q-tips?

LORELAI: Um, cotton balls, world peace, Connie Chungís original face back.

[Luke kisses her]

LUKE: Goodbye crazy lady.

[to Lorelaiís stomach] Goodbye Sid and Nancy.

LORELAI: Leopold and Loeb.

LUKE: What?

LORELAI: I changed my mind, donít tell Rory.

LUKE: Decaf.

LORELAI: Never.

LUKE: Theyíll both have two heads.

LORELAI: More to love.

[They kiss again and Luke walks out the back door]

CUT TO LORELAIíS BEDROOM

[In the middle of the night, Lorelai wakes up suddenly from her dream. She falls out of the bed reaching for the phone]

LORELAI: Whoa! Ugh!

[She calls Rory at her dorm in Washington]

RORY: Hello?

LORELAI: You have to come home.

RORY: Mom?

LORELAI: Youíre gone and the house is quiet and Bill Maherís canceled. The name of the show was Politically Incorrect for Godís sake. Didnít anybody read the title? He was supposed to say those things, dammit!

RORY: You had another dream.

LORELAI: Yes.

RORY: The doctor is in.

LORELAI: Okay, Iím lying in bed and Iím sleeping and Iím wearing this fabulous nightgown, and like thirty alarm clocks go off, and so I get out of bed and I walk downstairs, and there, standing is the kitchen, is Luke!

RORY: Was he naked?

LORELAI: No! He was making breakfast.

RORY: Naked?

LORELAI: Okay, youíve been in Washington way too long.

RORY: Sorry. Go ahead, he was making breakfast. . .

LORELAI: Eggs and pancakes and bacon, and he put decaf coffee in my regular coffee bag, which of course I knew immediately.

RORY: Hi, the nose.

LORELAI: Exactly. So eventually I find the real stuff under the sink. He hands me my breakfast, and then . . .

RORY: What?

LORELAI: He kissed me and talked to my stomach!

RORY: Why would he do that?

LORELAI: Because apparently Iím pregnant!

RORY: What?

LORELAI: With twins!

[pause] Say something.

RORY: You are going to be so fat.

LORELAI: Just analyze my dream, please.

RORY: Okay. Well, your dream was telling you that you are secretly in love with Luke and you wanna marry him and have his twins.

LORELAI: Uh, no, try again.

RORY: What do you mean, try again? You asked me to analyze your dream, I analyzed your dream.

LORELAI: Yes, well, I reject that analysis, so Iíd like another one, please.

RORY: You canít just reject an analysis and try again. Youíre not shopping for bathing suits here.

LORELAI: Give me another analysis or Iíll put your Taylor hula-hooping dream into a whole other context.

RORY: I told you, Taylor was supposed to be Dean. I could tell by his freakishly thick head of hair.

LORELAI: Iím waiting.

RORY: Okay, maybe youíre still upset about what happened with Dad and youíre jealous of Sherry because sheís having his baby and not you. Mom?

LORELAI: I miss you.

RORY: I miss you, too.

PARIS:

[sleeptalking in background] Woodward. . .Bernstein. . .Harry Thomason.

LORELAI: Is that Paris?

RORY: Yeah, she talks in her sleep. . . long in-depth arguments. Iím so glad I only have one more day here.

LORELAI: Me, too. What do you have on your agenda for tomorrow? Or, today, actually.

RORY: We have a breakfast mixer with members of Congress and the Senate.

LORELAI: Cool. See if you can steal me something off of Tom Daschleís fruit plate.

RORY: Iíll see what I can do.

LORELAI: See you Friday, doc.

RORY: See you Friday.

[Rory walks to her desk and sits down, where she tries to work on a letter to Jess]

PARIS:

[sleeptalking] I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

[opening credits]

CUT TO SOOKIE AND JACKSONíS HOUSE

[Lorelai and Sookie are sitting at the kitchen table]

LORELAI: No way.

SOOKIE: I swear.

LORELAI: Huh, Kosher bacon.

SOOKIE: Beef not pork.

LORELAI: I am so Jewish.

JACKSON:

[from other room] Hey Sookie, whereís my Ė

SOOKIE: Jackson, hold on! Lorelaiís here!

LORELAI:

[covers eyes] Oh, Jackson, Iím in the kitchen! Iím eating bacon, so donít . . aye - eh - da - ahhh!

JACKSON:

[walks into kitchen] Will you stop it? Iím dressed.

LORELAI: Uh, well, how do I know you werenít showering and the hot water went out and you rushed down here with nothing but a teeny tiny towel in front of ya.

JACKSON: Once, that happened once.

LORELAI: Well, once was enough.

SOOKIE: Oh, hey, honey, I got those paint chips that we were talking about. Do you wanna look at them now?

JACKSON: Nope.

SOOKIE: But itíll only take a minute and I actually went though and picked out a couple of colors for you.

LORELAI: What are you painting?

JACKSON: Nothing.

SOOKIE: The house.

LORELAI: The whole house?

JACKSON: No.

SOOKIE: Just the inside.

LORELAI: Ah, thatís a pretty big undertaking.

JACKSON: Itís not such a big undertaking since weíre not undertaking it.

SOOKIE: I know, but itíll be fun.

LORELAI: Rory and Iíll help if you want.

JACKSON: Okay, if youíre gonna come over here everyday, you have to actually hear both of us.

LORELAI: Oh. Well, tell me why youíre not painting just the inside of the house?

SOOKIE: Because it was my house and now itís our house and I want it to feel like our house.

JACKSON: Iím totally happy with the way this house feels.

SOOKIE: How can you be? Thereís flowers everywhere.

JACKSON: I like flowers Ė Iím a produce guy.

SOOKIE: The curtains are ruffly.

JACKSON: I like ruffles.

SOOKIE: How can you like ruffles?

JACKSON: Because Iím very, very gay.

SOOKIE: Jackson!

JACKSON: Judy, Vincent has to go to work now. Goodbye Lorelai. Tell her Iím fine, I like things just the way they are.

LORELAI: Iíll try.

[Jackson leaves]

LORELAI: All right, Iíve only got a minute and then I have to leave. Is there any more bacon?

SOOKIE: Have mine. What do you think about mahogany for the living room and then midnight blue for the hallway and the bedroom?

LORELAI: Sookie, Jackson just said heís fine with how everything is. I donít think itís bugging him.

SOOKIE: Well, he may not think so now but itíll bug him eventually and then heíll resent this place and me by extension and I would like to avoid that. And I can Ė I just need to butch the place up a little. Now, help me pick a color.

LORELAI: Okay, I canít now, but Iíll do it later.

SOOKIE: Okay.

LORELAI: Thanks for breakfast, it was amazing, I love you, I love the bacon. Oh, hey, baconís manly. Why donít you just nail a bunch of packages of Kosher bacon on the walls, huh? Smells like meat blessed by a rabbi Ė now thatís a manly house.

SOOKIE: Buh-bye.

LORELAI: Okay, but if youíre still thinking paint, youíre still thinking like a chick.

CUT TO OUTSIDE

[The town square is being set up for a festival. Lorelai walks toward Taylor, who is in an electric wheelchair giving orders to people.]

TAYLOR: Watch those streamers! And not too much red near that tree Ė light touch, light touch, light touch.

LORELAI: Hey Taylor, howís the leg?

TAYLOR: Itís just fine.

LORELAI: Still havenít found out who put that banana peel on your doorstep, huh?

TAYLOR: No, but I have a list of suspects.

LORELAI: Hey, um, whatís all this for?

TAYLOR: This, young lady, is for the first annual Stars Hollow End of Summer Madness Festival.

LORELAI: You finally found a way to fill September, didnít ya?

TAYLOR: This is gonna be a very exciting day. Iím really gonna go all out for this. I even think youíll be impressed.

LORELAI: Really, even me?

TAYLOR: Yes-sir-ee, mini-me, I did not put the word madness in the title for nothing. This place is gonna be crazy, wild Ė food, games, weíve even got a band coming all the way from New York!

LORELAI: New York Ė thatís just nuts!

TAYLOR: And wait Ďtil you see the banner I ordered. Itís gonna make every other banner weíve ever had look downright embarrassing.

LORELAI: Taylor, youíre on fire.

TAYLOR: Oh, I love this banner!

LORELAI: I canít wait to see it.

TAYLOR: Well, come on Friday.

[to girl walking by] Uh, excuse me, uh, young lady. . .young lady? You know Iím talking to you. The blonde woman with the ribbons, please slow down. Iím in a wheelchair, young lady, I canít run after you.

[As Taylor follows the girl off camera, Lorelai stares into Lukeís Diner then sadly walks away]

CUT TO WASHINGTON

[At the Junior Leadership breakfast, Paris is talking with Senator Barbara Boxer]

PARIS: I mean, come on, Senator Boxer, as one of our foremost Democratic leaders, I ask you Ė do you really think it looks good to have the American Secretary of the Treasury traveling around with Bono? I mean, I know apparently heís a saint, heís going to save the world, yada, yada, yada, but my God! He never even takes the sunglasses off. We have an image to maintain, donít we? I mean, arenít we at least trying to pretend weíre the superpower in this world? I mean, why not just send Carson Daly over to the Middle East next time Cheney goes, huh? Or hey, hook up Freddie Prinze Jr. with Colin Powell next time he meets with NATO. I mean, hell! Letís hear what Freddie has to say, right?

[A man walks by and the Senator grabs his arm]

SENATOR BOXER: Oh, great, Doug. Uh, Paris, do you know Republican Congressman Doug Ose from California? You donít? Great. You two will have so much to talk about. Bye.

[walks away]

CONGRESSMAN OSE: Uh, BarbaraÖ

PARIS: Ose, right?

CONGRESSMAN OSE: Yes thatís right.

PARIS: Letís take a walk.

[cut to Rory at one of the food tables. As she gets herself some coffee, a boy walks up to her]

JAMIE: Last day here.

RORY: Yup.

JAMIE: So, in your opinion, how was our nationís capital?

RORY: Well, I got to see Archie Bunkerís chair at the Smithsonian Museum, so it was a big thumbs up for me.

JAMIE: Yes, there are times when this countryís priorities are exactly right. So, whereís Paris?

RORY: Hm, not quite sure. Last time I saw her, she was beating the will to live out of our nationís representatives.

JAMIE: She is a hammer, isnít she?

RORY: Actually, sheís the entire toolbox.

[Paris walks up to them]

PARIS: Damn. I always seem to catch the most interesting politicians right when they have to use the bathroom. Hey Jamie.

[Paris walks over to another table and Jamie follows her]

JAMIE: Paris. Just came over to let you know I got a little sneak peak at the final debate pairings for today. It seems like you and I are going to be on the same side this time.

PARIS: Youíre kidding? Youíd think theyíd like to give someone else a fighting chance for once.

JAMIE: Apparently not.

PARIS: God, I love this. You donít realize how unqualified most of Americaís youth is until you gather them all up in a room and make them speak. So, who are we up against?

JAMIE: Jason Roundsevault and Ty Fredericks.

PARIS: Perfect. Jasonís got asthma and Ty cries.

JAMIE: Okay, so we should meet early and go over strategy, make sure you bought enough Kleenex.

PARIS: Good, good.

JAMIE: And then tonight we should get together and celebrate over dinner.

PARIS: What if we donít win?

JAMIE: Donít lose it on me now.

PARIS: Youíre right.

JAMIE: So, dinner?

PARIS: Sure.

JAMIE: Good, Iíll swing around for you about seven.

PARIS: Fine.

JAMIE: Okay, see you at the slaughter.

[Jamie walks away and Rory walks over to Paris]

RORY: Wow!

PARIS: Yeah, can you imagine pairing me with Jamie? I mean, why not just line the hallways with self esteem counselors right now.

RORY: Paris?

PARIS: What?

RORY: What do you mean what? He just asked you out on a date.

PARIS: He did not.

RORY: Yes, he did. Youíre having dinner with Jamie tonight.

PARIS: Itís a victory dinner, thatís it.

RORY: Paris, if he just wanted to celebrate winning a debate, you guys couldíve had coffee afterward, but he asked you out on a date.

PARIS: He did?

RORY: Yes.

PARIS: Did I accept?

RORY: Yes.

PARIS: Iím going on a date?

RORY: Yes, you are.

PARIS: Oh man, I canít believe this! I finally get asked out on a date and I missed it? Was it a good ask-out?

RORY: It was a very good ask-out.

PARIS: God, I wish Iíd been there.

RORY: Well, youíll be there tonight.

PARIS: Tonight? Tonight I have a date. Tonight I have a date with Jamie Ė a Princeton man. I can overlook that. Oh my God, I canít believe it. . .I have a date.

CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN

[Michel is at the front desk talking to Kirk]

KIRK: One day it occurred to me, cows never wrinkle.

MICHEL: Mmhmm.

KIRK: Think about it Ė have you ever seen a wrinkled cow? No, not once. So I thought to myself, "That is weird."

MICHEL: Yes, that and other things.

KIRK: So I decided to do a little research. I studied cows, I studied humans, and finally I discovered the secret Ė the secret of the cows.

LORELAI:

[walking up to them] Michel, could you, uh. . .hi Kirk.

MICHEL: Oh, good, just in time. Kirk here is about to tell us the difference between cows and humans.

LORELAI: You mean, other than oneís a cow?

MICHEL: Shh. Go ahead, Kirk.

KIRK: Hay.

LORELAI: Huh?

KIRK: Hay, itís hay Ė cows eat hay. And after some experimentation and a great deal of research, I developed what I believe to be the next great skin care product to sweep the nation.

[shows them a bottle]

LORELAI:

[reads the label] Hay There.

KIRK: A complete line of creams, balms, toning lotions, and cleansing liquids.

LORELAI: Kirk, we already have a skin care line here, Iím sorry.

KIRK: I am willing to give you three cases of "Hay There" skin products absolutely free of charge. Try them, you will see what Iím talking about.

LORELAI: Well, uh, thank you very much, Kirk. . . but, Iím sorry Ė donít cows eat grass?

KIRK: Sometimes, but "Grass There" is a bad name.

[leaves]

MICHEL: So sad not to have a cocktail in your hand every time he comes by, no?

[the phone rings]

LORELAI:

[answers] Independence Inn, Lorelai speaking.

EMILY: What day is this?

LORELAI: Mom?

EMILY: What day is this?

LORELAI: Mom, I have a group of Ė

EMILY: Itís Thursday.

LORELAI: Thank God. Now, could I possibly Ė

EMILY: Thursday the what, Lorelai?

LORELAI: Itís Ė

EMILY: Thursday the third. And what was happening Thursday the third, Lorelai?

LORELAI: I believe it was the day I was supposed to chew my own head off.

EMILY: Your father and I were coming home from Marthaís Vineyard.

LORELAI: I know you were.

EMILY: And you said that when we got home, you were going to call us.

LORELAI: I know I did.

EMILY: Well, weíre home, and yet thereís no call, no message, no card.

LORELAI: Mom, itís eleven oíclock in the morning. I said I would call you on Thursday, I didnít say when on Thursday, I just said Thursday. Technically I havenít screwed up for another twelve hours.

EMILY: Lorelai, everyone knows that you are supposed to call people as soon as they have arrived home. Thatís the polite way to do it.

LORELAI: You didnít tell me what time you were coming home.

EMILY: Well, you never asked what time we were coming home.

LORELAI: Yes, but you never told me so thereís no way I could know, so even though I didnít ask I still didnít know and itís only elev. . .Iím sorry.

EMILY: Apology accepted. Now I assume weíll be seeing you and Rory for dinner tomorrow?

LORELAI: Uh, youíll see me but Rory doesnít get back Ďtil Saturday.

EMILY: Oh, what a shame. I thought she was coming back tomorrow.

LORELAI: Nope, sheís coming back Saturday.

EMILY: Well, Iím very disappointed. I had it written down for tomorrow.

LORELAI: Well, you mustíve written it down wrong, Mom. Sheís coming home Saturday.

EMILY: Your father thought it was tomorrow, also.

LORELAI: See you at seven.

EMILY: Hold a moment, Lorelai. Do you know where Christopher is?

LORELAI: Um, why?

EMILY: We wanted him to come with you and Rory tomorrow, even though apparently Roryís getting back Saturday, though I couldnít sworn it was tomorrow.

LORELAI: Christopherís away on business but Iíll tell him you invited him.

EMILY: And tell him to come with you two next week. I wanna see the three of you together.

LORELAI: Yes, that would be a nice picture.

EMILY: All right, see you tomorrow.

LORELAI: Yes, you will. Bye.

CUT TO WASHINGTON DORM ROOM

[Rory is on the phone with Dean while Paris gets ready for her date]

RORY: My plane gets in at three.

DEAN: Iím in at six.

PARIS: Red, purple, green Ė where the hell is it?

RORY: That gives me three hours to look presentable. Hm, perhaps Iíll go blonde.

DEAN: I strongly request that you donít.

RORY: Afraid of change?

DEAN: No, I just like what I have.

RORY: I like a man who settles.

DEAN: I miss you.

RORY: I miss you, too.

PARIS: Hey, hey, stop being cute. I need help here.

RORY: I have to go. Paris is melting down.

DEAN: Why?

RORY: She has a date tonight.

DEAN: Really?

PARIS: Donít sound so surprised.

RORY: How do you know he sounded surprised?

PARIS: Because Iím a genius, Rory. I have deep and powerful clairvoyant abilities.

RORY: Oh boy.

PARIS: For example, I can instantly deduce that when someone hears the name Paris in the same sentence with the word date, jaws will drop, confused looks will cover faces, words like Ďhowí and Ďwhyí and ĎQuick, Bob, get the children in the minivan because the world is obviously coming to an end!í will immediately fly out of peopleís mouths.

RORY: I have to go.

DEAN: Are you sure itís safe?

RORY: Iíll be fine. Iíll see you Friday.

DEAN: See you Friday. I love you.

PARIS: Thatís it, Iím shaving my head.

RORY: Gotta go.

[hangs up] Okay, Paris, you have got to calm down.

PARIS: I had a black sweater and now itís gone.

RORY: Iím not just talking about right now Ė in general, you need to calm down.

PARIS: Heís almost here, Iím not dressed, my makeupís not done, and I havenít gone through the Zagat yet to pick out a restaurant.

RORY: Why donít you just let him pick out the restaurant?

PARIS: What if he doesnít have a Zagat?

RORY: Well, then heíll wing it.

PARIS: Wing it? How come other girls get planned out dinners? Flowers, candy, rose petals thrown on the floors Ė and I get wing it?

RORY: Well, you donít know that youíve got wing it.

PARIS: No, I do. Iíve got wing it. I canít do this.

RORY: What?

PARIS: Date. I canít date. Iím not genetically set up for it.

RORY: Not true.

PARIS: I get no pleasure out of the prospect or the preparation. Iím covered in hives, Iíve showered four times, and for what? Some guy who doesnít even have the brains to buy a Zagat so we donít wind up in a restaurant thatís really just a front for a cocaine laundering ring?

RORY: Sit.

PARIS: Itís a dare. He was dared to take me out. I bet Trent Lott was behind this.

RORY: Trent Lott did not dare Jamie to take you out. Close. Jamie likes you and he asked you out because he likes you. Now look up.

PARIS: Maybe I shouldnít go. I mean, what if I fall for him and he doesnít like me?

RORY: Then youíll find someone else.

PARIS: But what if there is no one else?

RORY: Then youíll buy some cats.

PARIS: I wish I knew if he was right for me, you know? So I donít put myself through all of this for nothing. I mean, women fall for men who are wrong for them all of the time, and then they get sidetracked from their goals. They give up careers and become alcoholics and, if youíre Sunny von BŁlow, wind up in a coma completely incapable of stopping Glenn Close from playing you in a movie.

RORY: I think you should wear your hair down.

PARIS: How do you know if a guy is right for you?

RORY: You just have to feel it.

PARIS: All I feel is my back breaking out.

RORY: Youíll know, okay? You just have to let it happen. And then, probably when youíre not looking, youíll find someone who compliments you.

PARIS: Meaning?

RORY: Someone who likes what you like, someone who reads the same books or listens to the same music or likes to trash the same movies. Someone compatible.

PARIS: Okay.

RORY: But not so compatible that theyíre boring.

PARIS: Someone whoís compatible but not compatible.

RORY: Yeah, kind of. I mean, you respect each otherís opinions and you can laugh at the same jokes, but I donít know Ė thereís just something about not quite knowing what the other personís gonna do at all times thatís just really exciting. Look, just have a good time, youíll figure it out.

PARIS: Yeah, well, I hope I figure it out fast. . .before I throw up.

[thereís a knock at the door]

PARIS: Thatís him.

RORY: Turn around.

PARIS: Well?

RORY: Perfect.

PARIS: Promise?

RORY: Swear.

PARIS: Thanks. Now get in the closet.

RORY: What?

PARIS: If he comes in here and sees you, he wonít wanna date me anymore.

RORY: Paris, thatís crazy! Heís seen me Ė heís seen me for weeks.

PARIS: Yes, in conferences, crowded lecture halls, badly lit banquet rooms with crappy food smells, not at night when itís dating time and heís thinking about dating and youíre standing there looking all datable.

RORY: Iím not looking datable.

PARIS: Please? I canít risk it. At least if thereís nothing to compare me to, then Iíve got a fighting chance, please!

RORY: Okay, but when you get home, you need to get a new therapist because the one you have is really not working.

[goes into the closet]

PARIS: Thanks for helping me get ready.

RORY:

[from inside closet] Any time.

[Paris answers the door]

PARIS: Hi.

JAMIE: Hello. You look very nice.

PARIS: Well, this is a really good sweater.

JAMIE: So, shall we get going?

PARIS: Oh, sure, sure.

JAMIE: Do you like Italian food?

PARIS: I love Italian food.

JAMIE: Good. Iíve made a reservation at a great place. Well, at least, thatís what the Zagat guide says.

PARIS: Youíre perfect.

JAMIE: Letís go.

CUT TO KIMíS ANTIQUES

[Lorelai and Sookie are browsing]

SOOKIE: How could you not tell them?

LORELAI: Well, they left two days after your wedding and they were in Marthaís Vineyard all summer. It just seemed quieter.

SOOKIE: What do you think, manly?

[holds up a statue]

LORELAI: In an Oscar Wilde sort of way, absolutely.

SOOKIE: You know, youíre gonna have to tell them tonight, right? I mean, the subject will come up. They probably think you and Christopher are heading down the aisle any day now.

LORELAI: Ugh, I know, I know.

SOOKIE: A shaving table, itís perfect!

LORELAI: And twelve hundred dollars.

SOOKIE: Twelve hundred dollars for what?

MRS. KIM: What do you mean, for what? This is an antique.

SOOKIE: Where does she come from?

MRS. KIM: This was Shermanís shaving table.

LORELAI: Sherman?

MRS. KIM: General Sherman, famous man, burned Atlanta, liked a close shave.

LORELAI: Wow, historical.

MRS. KIM: All original, perfect shape. I give you ten percent off, you want it?

SOOKIE: Oh, well, maybe. I just wanted to look around a little bit first. . .but itís very nice.

MRS. KIM: I know itís very nice.

[walks away]

LORELAI: Boy, she wouldíve made a great nun.

SOOKIE: So how are you planning on telling them?

LORELAI: I thought Iíd do it like Nell. You know, chicka chicka chickabee.

SOOKIE: Yeah, thatís a very good idea.

LORELAI: Iíll tell them, I promise.

SOOKIE: Oh, oh my God, look!

[walks over to a fish mounted on a piece of wood]

LORELAI: What?

SOOKIE: For over the mantelpiece. Itís perfect!

LORELAI: Itís a dead fish.

SOOKIE: Itís an antique stuffed and mounted trout, and I think itís manly.

LORELAI: Oh, please!

SOOKIE: It is! Itís very Ralph Lauren.

LORELAI: Sookie, Jackson loves you. Youíre not seriously telling me the future of your marriage depends on Leon Troutsky over there.

SOOKIE: I guess not.

LORELAI: Just think about it, okay? You donít have to make every decision right now. Do a little more shopping. Maybe youíll find something even more disgusting someplace else.

SOOKIE: Okay.

LORELAI: Okay, I gotta go pick up Rory at the airport, and then weíll swing by and pick up you guys for the festival.

SOOKIE: Great.

LORELAI: Okay, see you later.

SOOKIE: Bye.

[Lorelai walks toward the door and stops to talk to Mrs. Kim.]

LORELAI: Ten bucks if you donít let her buy the fish.

MRS. KIM: Twenty.

LORELAI:

[laughs] Youíre kidding?

MRS. KIM: I never kid.

LORELAI: You know, I believe that.

CUT TO AIRPORT

[Rory walks out of her gate; Lorelai calls to her from across the room]

LORELAI: Hey Gilmore!

RORY: Mom!

[They run to each other and hug, then fall on the ground]

LORELAI: Ow, ow!

RORY: Ah!

LORELAI: Ow!

RORY: Ah!

LORELAI: Oh!

RORY: Agh!

LORELAI: Oh, oh! Luckily there are video cameras everywhere that caught that very graceful moment on tape.

RORY: I am so glad to see you!

LORELAI: No, Iím glad to see you!

RORY: Iím never leaving home again.

LORELAI: Oh, thatís my emotionally stunted girl! Hey, I got you gifts.

RORY: What? Iím the one that left town, Iím supposed to get you gifts.

LORELAI: Oh, but I got here early and there was nothing to do except feed gummy bears to the bomb-sniffing dogs which, apparently, the United States government frowns upon.

RORY: You got in trouble with the government while you were waiting for me?

LORELAI: Just a little.

RORY: How much is a little?

LORELAI: Learn Russian. Okay, here you go.

[pulls a shirt out of the gift bag]

RORY: Wow, a Hartford, Connecticut sweatshirt.

LORELAI: Nice, huh?

RORY:

[looks through the gift bags] Hartford, Connecticut notebook, Hartford, Connecticut pencil set, a Hartford, Connecticut shot glass.

LORELAI: And beer mug!

RORY: Hartford baguette, Hartford bear, a Hartford sunglasses.

LORELAI: You like?

RORY: I love.

LORELAI: All right, letís go. Weíll get your bags, then weíll hit the road, and I canít wait to hear all about Washington. And, by the way, I got you out of dinner with the Gilmores tonight. I thought you and Dean might enjoy a little Peaches and Herb time together.

RORY: Oh, thanks. Whatíd you tell Ďem?

LORELAI: That you get home tomorrow.

RORY: Big fat lie.

LORELAI: Yes, which proves how much I love you. The fact that I was willing to lie to my own parents who I never lie to just so you could have a night of happiness is proof positive of my deep undying devotion that I have for you.

RORY: I appreciate that.

LORELAI: And all that devotion can be yours for the low, low price of $29.95!

RORY: Forget it.

LORELAI: Okay, Iíll throw in a set of steak knives.

RORY: My bags, please?

LORELAI: Are you telling me that you want this gesture of love for free? What kind of world are you living in?

CUT TO LORELAIíS HOUSE

[Lorelai and Rory walk through the front door with Roryís bags]

LORELAI: Oh my God, you do know one option was leaving some of your books at home?

RORY: Hey, I offered to carry that one.

LORELAI: Next time, donít offer Ė insist. Look, Iím lopsided now.

RORY: I canít believe Iím home. I feel like Iíve been away forever.

LORELAI: I agree.

RORY: Hello living room.

LORELAI: Hello Rory, we missed you. Not the ottoman, of course, but everyone knows heís a snob. Napoleon complex, he only really likes the magazine rack.

RORY: Oh my God, I missed everything. My kitchen, my room, my books, my CDs, my stuff. Whereís my pillow?

LORELAI: What?

RORY: You took my pillow.

LORELAI: I did not take your pillow.

RORY: You waited until I left, you went into my room, and you took my pillow.

LORELAI: Well, you werenít using it.

RORY: What else did you take?

LORELAI: Nothing. Your comforter came into my room by itself. . .and brought your Bauhaus T-shirt with it.

RORY: I want my stuff back by tomorrow morning.

LORELAI: Just Ďcause you leave doesnít mean the world stops.

RORY: By noon.

LORELAI: Fine.

[Lorelai pushes the play button on the answering machine]

CHRISTOPHER: [on machine] Lor, itís me, please just call Ė

[Lorelai deletes the message]

RORY: Dad?

LORELAI: Yeah.

RORY: Still havenít talked to him yet, huh?

LORELAI: No, you?

RORY: Nope.

LORELAI: Heís called.

RORY: I know. Heís called me, too.

LORELAI: I just. . .I donít really know what to say.

RORY: How long are you gonna freeze him out for?

LORELAI: I donít know.

RORY: Right.

LORELAI: You?

RORY: I donít know either.

LORELAI: I have to tell my parents tonight.

RORY: Are you sure you donít want me to go with you and . . . I donít know, distract Ďem?

LORELAI: No, youíve got Dean coming over. Iíll be fine. Iíll bring them something shiny.

RORY: Okay, Iím gonna go change then.

LORELAI: For what?

RORY: The festival.

LORELAI: Hon, you know what, if you donít wanna go, we donít have to go.

RORY: Why would I not wanna go? Of course I wanna go.

LORELAI: You just got home, youíve got Dean coming over.

RORY: No, I wanna go. I wanna go because this is our town and we need to support these things.

LORELAI: All right, but. . .you donít have to change for that.

RORY: Well, Iíve been away for awhile, I wanna make a nice impression.

LORELAI: On who?

RORY: Whoever has to look at me.

[they walk into Roryís bedroom]

LORELAI: All right, just hustle. I promised Jackson and Sookie Iíd pick them up along the way.

RORY: Iíll just be a minute.

LORELAI: No woman is ever a minute when she changes.

RORY: Do not judge me by your own standards.

[pulls out a dress]

LORELAI: Wow, fancy.

RORY: Not fancy.

LORELAI: You know, youíll have time to come home and change for Dean.

RORY: Well, I can just change now, then I wonít have to do it later.

LORELAI: Okay. Hey Rory, I donít want you to freeze out your dad because I am.

RORY: Iím not.

LORELAI: ĎCause Iím fine if you wanna go back to the way things were.

RORY: I think that would be a little hard this time.

LORELAI: Okay, maybe not now, but eventually.

RORY: Eventually, maybe, but for now Ė solidarity sister.

LORELAI: Ya ya!

RORY: Youíve been waiting for six weeks to do that, havenít you?

LORELAI: Ya ya!

RORY: Iíll just be a minute.

CUT TO OUTSIDE

[Lorelai and Rory walk out of some bushes near Sookie and Jacksonís house]

LORELAI: See, three minutes faster. I also found a way to get to Alís Pancake World that shaves a good forty seconds off our normal route.

RORY: You were really bored when I was gone, werenít you?

LORELAI: You have no idea.

[As they walk up Sookie and Jacksonís front steps, they hear yelling from inside]

JACKSON: Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?

SOOKIE: I donít understand why youíre so upset.

JACKSON: How can you not understand? I told you a thousand times.

SOOKIE: I thought you were just being nice.

[Lorelai and Rory peek through the front door. Sookie has redecorated the living room and filled it with masculine objects]

JACKSON: Nice! Sookie, look at this place!

SOOKIE: I think it looks nice.

JACKSON: Nice. . .nice? This is nice. . .this is nice?

[points to a life-sized stuffed grizzly bear]

SOOKIE: Well, itís masculine!

JACKSON: No, itís terrifying! I swear Iím gonna come out in the middle of the night for a drink of water, turn around, hit the floor and play dead!

SOOKIE: Okay, so, we have a little work to do.

JACKSON: Just put it back the way it was.

SOOKIE: No, I want you to be happy!

JACKSON: I was happy, I told you I was happy, you just didnít wanna believe I was happy!

[Lorelai and Rory walk away from the house and walk toward the festival]

LORELAI: Weíll just check on them a little later.

RORY: Excellent idea.

[they walk into the crowd]

LORELAI: Okay, so, do we do cheese stick, hot dog, cotton candy, or do we mix it up a little Ė start with the cotton candy and end with the cheese stick? Who are you looking for?

RORY: No one, Iím just taking in all the madness, thatís all.

LORELAI: Ah.

[Kirk walks up to them]

KIRK: Lorelai, good. Have you used the cream yet?

LORELAI: Uh, not yet, Kirk.

KIRK: Good, thereís been a little problem.

LORELAI: What kind of problem?

KIRK: Nothing of major concern. It just seems that with continual use, the cream develops some weird reactions to light. . .and air. . .and movement.

LORELAI: Are you serious?

KIRK: Donít worry, itís just a small kink. Itíll all be worked out soon.

LORELAI: I have three cases of that stuff sitting at the inn.

KIRK: Well, get rid of it.

LORELAI: Kirk.

KIRK: Uh, but donít throw it in the trash. Apparently, that would be an EPA violation.

LORELAI: What am I supposed to do with the stuff?

KIRK: Shooting it into space is about all Iíve got now.

LORELAI: Kirk!

KIRK: Iíll pick up the cases tomorrow.

LORELAI: Thank you.

[Kirk walks away]

LORELAI: Hey.

RORY: What?

LORELAI: Do you sometimes think this town is weird or is it just me?

[Lorelai and Rory walk up to Taylor]

LORELAI: Hey Taylor, is this where the mosh pit starts?

TAYLOR: Well, hello Lorelai, Rory. So what do you think of the band? Pretty big city, donít you think?

LORELAI: Mm, I sure do.

TAYLOR: What?

LORELAI: What? Iím agreeing with you. They are smokiní!

TAYLOR: I do not care for that sarcastic tone, Lorelai.

LORELAI: Well. . .uh. . .no, Iím being nice here!

TAYLOR: You have an opinion on everything. Nothing is ever up to your standards.

LORELAI: That is not true. Iím sure these guys are all great barbers.

TAYLOR: I donít even know why I bother.

[leaves]

LORELAI: That is it Ė I have been it for the last. . .

[sees Rory staring off at something] What?

[sees Jess and a girl kissing against a tree] Oh, well, looks like heís got his Ďwhat I did this summerí essay all researched and ready to go. Guess you dodged a bullet there, huh?

RORY: What do you mean?

LORELAI: I donít know. It seems kind of lucky that you didnít throw everything away for Jess when you see. . .

RORY: See what? What am I seeing?

LORELAI: Youíre upset.

RORY: No, Iím not upset.

LORELAI: Yes, you are upset. I know when youíre upset Ďcause you look like my mother.

RORY: Thanks a lot.

LORELAI: You like my mother.

RORY: Yes, but you donít like your mother, so when you tell me that I look like your mother, itís not exactly a compliment.

LORELAI: Honey, what is wrong?

RORY: Oh God!

LORELAI: What is it?

RORY: Itís that!

LORELAI: Jess?

RORY: Yes!

LORELAI: Youíre upset about Jess?

RORY: I said yes.

LORELAI: Yes, itís Jess?

RORY: Youíre not being funny.

LORELAI: Itís not my fault that yes and Jess rhyme. Did I exploit the opportunity, of course I did, but . . .Rory, come on. I know you had this crush Ė

RORY: It wasnít a crush.

LORELAI: Well, I thought it was over. I mean, you havenít talked to him since Ė

RORY: Sookieís wedding.

LORELAI: You talked to him at Sookieís wedding?

RORY: Yes.

LORELAI: He wasnít at Sookieís wedding.

RORY: Yes, he was. He had just come back and he came to see me.

LORELAI: Okay, so he crashed Sookieís wedding, and. . .

RORY: And nothing. He told me that he was back in town, that heíd moved back, and. . .

LORELAI: What Rory? Come on.

RORY: And we kissed, okay?

LORELAI: You kissed?

RORY: Yes.

LORELAI: You kissed, like. . .you kissed?

RORY: Yes.

LORELAI: Okay, who kissed who?

RORY: What does that matter?

LORELAI: Because it matters. Did he kiss you, did you kiss each other, did you trip and your faces accidentally Ė .

RORY: I kissed him.

LORELAI: Okay.

RORY: And I donít know, I thought he came back here because he liked me or something, and I kissed him and he kissed me back, and now heís over there and I feel so stupid and. . .that girl isnít even his type and -

LORELAI: Rory, what are you doing?

RORY: What do you mean, what am I doing? Iím ranting. You should recognize this, I learned it from you.

LORELAI: Yeah, but you went to Sookieís wedding with. . .with Dean.

RORY: I know.

LORELAI: And then you ran off to have some thing with Jess.

RORY: It was a kiss, not a thing.

LORELAI: A kiss is a thing.

RORY: Well, it wasnít planned, it just happened.

LORELAI: I canít believe it. All this time Iím thinking, ĎSheís with Dean.í

RORY: I am with Dean.

LORELAI: No, Rory Ė kissing another guy is not being with Dean. Ask him, I bet heíd back me up on that.

RORY: It was nothing.

LORELAI: Well, then why are you so freaked out?

RORY: Iím not freaked out.

LORELAI: Look, kid, you have gotta make up your mind. Jess, Dean, Jess, Dean Ė itís enough already. If you want Jess, thatís fine Ė go get him, there he is. If you think thatís the great love of your life, then great. . .grab a liver treat and a squeaky toy and run to him. Donít worry about that girl because Iím sure he will have moved onto somebody else in about an hour. But do something. Dean has been sweet and supportive and incredibly patient, and now you are officially treating him like dirt, and Iím sorry, but not only is that not you, he doesnít deserve that. God, I wish they knew another song!

RORY: I know all of this about Dean.

LORELAI: You do?

RORY: Yes, I do. I know how great he is. I knew it before you did!

LORELAI: Well, knowing this has apparently not stopped you from dragging his heart all over this town.

RORY: Not fair!

LORELAI: Yes, fair, the fairest, the Snow White of fair.

RORY: I donít wanna talk to you about this anymore.

LORELAI: Okay, listen, if you donít wanna be with Dean anymore, cut him loose. Let him find someone who does because this is just so. . .wrong!

RORY: All right, I get it, I . . .just stop!

DEAN:

[calls from across the street] Rory!

[walks over to them] Hey.

RORY: Hi.

LORELAI: Hi Dean.

RORY: I thought your plane didnít get in Ďtil six.

DEAN: Well, I managed to get an earlier flight.

LORELAI: Well, Iím off to dinner with the parents.

DEAN: Do you have Ė

LORELAI: No, sheís off the hook. You guys have all night to. . .talk. Enjoy. Good to have you back, Dean.

DEAN: Thanks.

LORELAI: See you later.

[leaves]

DEAN: So, did I interrupt something?

RORY: No, nothing. Uh, we were just. . .hi, youíre back.

DEAN: Yeah, Iím back Ė and Iím glad to find you not blonde.

RORY: Yeah, I was just having way too much fun, so . . .

DEAN: I missed you.

RORY: I missed you, too.

CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE

[The doorbell rings; Emily answers the door]

EMILY: Lorelai, nice to see you.

LORELAI: Oh, sorry Iím late, Mom.

EMILY: No, donít be sorry. Thatís what the warm setting was invented for. Richard, Lorelaiís here!

LORELAI: Um, Mom, before we get the evening started and all, I wanna tell you something.

EMILY: Well, tell me outside.

LORELAI: No, Iíll just do it here.

EMILY: Why?

LORELAI: Oh, thereís just something about standing near the exit thatís really working for me.

EMILY: Youíre being silly, you donít discuss things standing by a door. Come outside, come on.

RICHARD: I may have to take one more call tonight, Emily. Ben Stellen and I got cut off. Hello Lorelai.

EMILY: Well, come outside with us until he calls back. Lorelaiís about to tell us something.

RICHARD: Oh, perhaps that sheís decided to buy an accurate timepiece.

EMILY: Oh, Richard.

[they start walking to the back patio] Is Rory okay?

LORELAI: Oh, yes, Roryís fine, Iím fine, everythingís fine, itís really not that big a deal.

RICHARD: What would you like to drink?

LORELAI: Oh, whatever.

RICHARD: I canít read minds, Lorelai.

LORELAI: I really donít care, Dad. Whatever you have.

RICHARD: We have everything, Lorelai.

LORELAI: Al right, Iíll have a Yaegermeister and a Jell-O shot.

RICHARD: Uh, excuse me?

LORELAI: White wine.

EMILY: All right, sit, sit.

[they sit down] Now go ahead, tell us.

LORELAI: Okay, well Ė

EMILY: Oh, wait just a second. We brought you something from Marthaís Vineyard.

LORELAI: Oh, thatís great, but maybe we could just do. . .

[Emily hands her a gift bag]. . .okay, I guess itís present time.

EMILY: Open it.

[pulls something out of the bag]

LORELAI: Scone mix, wow.

EMILY: This new little place opened right down the road from our house and they make these wonderful scones, and that is their mix so you can make them right in your own kitchen.

LORELAI: Well, thanks, Mom. I will put this right on the counter and stare at it for many years to come.

EMILY: Youíre not going to make them?

LORELAI: Oh, Iím not really much of a baker.

EMILY: But the instructions are right there on the back.

LORELAI: Yeah, I know, but still.

EMILY: Still what? Those are good scones.

LORELAI: Hey, maybe Iíll give this to Sookie and sheíll bake them.

EMILY: I donít understand why you simply canít follow those directions and make the scones.

RICHARD: Rory would love those scones.

LORELAI: Okay, I promise one way or another, the scones will get eaten. That being said, can we please move on?

EMILY: Fine, go ahead, talk, weíre listening.

LORELAI: Um, okay, well, um, itís about Christopher.

EMILY: Oh, that reminds me, we got him a captainís hat. Richard, where is that hat? Lorelai can bring it to him.

LORELAI: No, I canít!

EMILY: Why not?

LORELAI: Well, itís just, um. . .Chris and I arenít . . .

RICHARD: Arenít what?

EMILY: They arenít together anymore, Richard.

RICHARD: Why not?

EMILY: Iím sure a vague reason is forthcoming.

LORELAI: It just didnít work out, thatís all.

EMILY: And there it is.

LORELAI: I know youíre disappointed.

EMILY: Disappointed, oh please! Lorelai, this is ridiculous. The two of you arenít in high school anymore.

LORELAI: I know.

RICHARD: Emily, letís not talk about this.

EMILY: No, we are going to talk about it. Youíre running around like you have no responsibility in life, like you can flit from thing to thing. . .

LORELAI: Thatís not true.

EMILY:. . .from man to man.

LORELAI: I donít flit from man to man.

EMILY: You have a daughter, this affects Rory too, you know!

RICHARD: Emily, youíre wasting your breath.

LORELAI: I know this affects Rory. Iím not doing this lightly. In fact, Iím not doing anything at all.

RICHARD: Thereís no reason to raise your voice.

LORELAI: I canít believe this.

EMILY: I wanna know why. I want a reason. I donít want any of this Ďjust becauseí and Ďit just didnít work outí nonsense. I want a solid, adult reason why the father of my granddaughter and her mother canít seem to put a family together.

LORELAI: His girlfriend is pregnant.

EMILY: What?

LORELAI: Sherry is pregnant, and when Christopher found out, he went back to her and that, Mother, is the reason.

EMILY: Are they getting married?

LORELAI: I donít know Ė probably.

RICHARD: Oh, of course theyíre getting married.

EMILY: How do you know?

RICHARD: I know because I know Christopher, and Christopher always tries to do the right thing.

EMILY: The right thing is for him to be with his family. Lorelai and Rory are his family. He met this woman two minutes ago.

RICHARD: Emily, he is going to be a father.

EMILY: He already is a father!

LORELAI: I really really donít wanna discuss this anymore.

EMILY: Lorelai, you have to talk to him.

LORELAI: Thereís nothing to talk about.

EMILY: Tell him you wanna get married.

LORELAI: Okay, Mom, please stop.

RICHARD: Yes, Emily, please stop. You know that Lorelai never does anything unless she wants to Ė no matter the consequences to anyone else.

LORELAI: Whatís that supposed to mean?

EMILY: Lorelai wants to be with Christopher, she told us that at the wedding.

RICHARD: Yes, and now the wind has changed.

LORELAI: Excuse me?

RICHARD: Christopher is living up to his responsibilities as he tried to do many years ago with Lorelai, then she turned him down and turned him away.

LORELAI: I was sixteen.

RICHARD: If Christopher has found someone who will actually allow him to be a father to his own child, then of course, thatís what heís going to do.

EMILY: So you support this?

RICHARD: I understand this.

EMILY: I am appalled by your attitude.

RICHARD: And I am shocked by your naÔvetť. Did you really expect this to work out? Did you really have pictures of Norman Rockwell family Christmases dancing in your head? Lorelai had her chance for a family, she walked away from it. That was her choice. He has a chance to be a father. I applaud him.

EMILY: Then youíre an idiot.

RICHARD: If youíll excuse me, Iím going into my study.

EMILY: Richard! You do not walk out on me when we are having a discussion. Richard!

[While Emily and Richard are arguing, Lorelai walks into the house and leaves through the front door]

CUT TO STARS HOLLOW

[Lorelai pulls up in the town square. She looks around, then walks into Lukeís Diner. Luke is standing at the cash register.]

LUKE: Weíre closed.

LORELAI: I know. Look, I didnít come here to make up, or to try to get you to forgive me, or talk. I wouldnít even have come here at all but I had a really crappy night and I really, really need a cup of coffee. Just pretend Iím not me. Iím Mimi, a new customer. Iíve never been in here before. I was just walking down the street and I spotted this place. ĎOoh, hey, nice place.í And I came in. Now Mimi is going to pour herself a cup of coffee and sit over here way far away from you, and she promises, just as soon as sheís done, she will rinse out her own cup and leave.

[Lorelai pours herself a cup of coffee and sits at the end of the counter.]

LORELAI: This is the second time I let myself do this.

LUKE: Do what?

LORELAI: Think I finally found it.

LUKE: Found what?

LORELAI: Love, comfort, safety.

LUKE: Ah.

LORELAI: I mean, first with Max, which of course, I screwed up, and then with Christopher, which of course, all the elements of the universe got together to screw up.

LUKE: Yup, itís tough when the universe is against you. Thatís like taking on the Manhattan garbage union.

LORELAI: I always thought if he could just get it together, grow up Ė maybe we could do it. Maybe we could really be a family, in the stupid, traditional ĎDan Quayle, golden retriever, grow old together, wear matching jogging suitsí kind of way. And then he did get it together Ė he became that guy. . . and he gets to be that guy with her. Chris is gonna have a baby with his girlfriend. Heís gonna marry her. . .and heís gonna be there for her while sheís pregnant and heís gonna be there with her while her child grows up, and heís gonna be there for her while she does. . . whatever it is she does. And I am in exactly the same place that I was in before.

LUKE: Is that so bad? I mean, you got Rory.

LORELAI: Yes, I do.

LUKE: You got friends, you got a house, a job, apparently an iron stomach.

LORELAI: No, itís not so bad. Iím lucky, I know. I just. . .I feel like Iím never gonna have it. . .the whole package, you know? That person, that couple life, and I swear, I hate admitting it because I fancy myself Wonder Woman, but. . .I really want it Ė the whole package.

[Luke puts a donut on a plate, then slides it down the counter to her]

LUKE: Youíll get it.

LORELAI: How do you know?

LUKE: I know.

LORELAI: How do you know?

LUKE: Because I know, okay? I know. Now eat your donut.

LORELAI: Iím really not very hungry.

LUKE: Well, take it with you. You will be later.

[Lorelai wraps up the donut and puts it in her purse, then pulls out some money]

LUKE: Forget it, first time customers are on the house. Mimi, was it?

LORELAI: Yeah.

LUKE: Come again, Mimi.

LORELAI: Thanks, I will. Seems like a very nice place.

CUT TO LORELAIíS HOUSE

[Rory is in the living room as Lorelai walks into the house]

LORELAI: Hey, youíre home.

RORY: Yup, Iím home.

LORELAI: Oh, hey, I figured how to get the Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer out of our heads Ė to sing the Small World song over and over for the next forty-eight hours. Of course, how we get the Small World song out of our heads, I have not worked out yet. Okay, see, that was not how that whole scene between us was supposed to go.

RORY: No?

[They sit down on the couch]

LORELAI: No. I mean, yes, I was surprised and I do think the basic sentiment of Ďmake up your mindí was kind of called for.

RORY: Absolutely called for.

LORELAI: But I didnít mean to upset you and yell at you and make you feel bad, Iím really sorry, hon.

RORY: I know, but you were right.

LORELAI: Ah, well, thatís once, I guess.

RORY: So how was dinner?

LORELAI: So how was Dean?

RORY: So how was dinner?

LORELAI: So how was Dean?

RORY: Ladies and Gentlemen, the Williamsí sisters take center stage at Wimbledon once again.

LORELAI: Dinner was bad.

RORY: Sorry.

LORELAI: Thatís okay, I knew it would be. Oh, but the good news is we can now go back to Lukeís.

RORY: You made up! How did you make up?

LORELAI: Well, Iím Mimi now.

RORY: Oh, sure.

LORELAI: So speaking of Dean, is there still a Dean?

RORY: Yeah, thereís still a Dean.

LORELAI: Really?

RORY: I donít know what I was doing. Maybe itís because I havenít dated a lot but this Jess thing was crazy. And I do love Dean and you were absolutely right Ė I was treating him like dirt and I wasnít appreciating what was right in front of me, but Iím going to now.

LORELAI: Rory, I donít want you to stay with Dean because of me.

RORY: I know.

LORELAI: ĎCause I was upset earlier.

RORY: I know.

LORELAI: I still have this Christopher thing bugging me and the pressure of tonightís dinner.

RORY: I know.

LORELAI: I didnít wanna upset you and I certainly donít want you to make an important decision off of Ė

RORY: Mom.

LORELAI: Because itís too important Ė

RORY: Mom.

LORELAI: And I just want you to be happy.

RORY: Mom! All I did was think about what you said, thatís all. Then I analyzed the situation.

LORELAI: And then you made a pro and con list.

RORY: Youíre mocking me, but yes, I did. And after all of this, I came to the conclusion that I want to make things good with Dean, and he deserves my undivided attention.

LORELAI: And you feel good about this?

RORY: I feel really good about this.

LORELAI: Okay, because if you decided you really did wanna date Jess, I would help you. . .get vaccinated.

RORY: Thank you, but Iím good.

LORELAI: All right, as long as youíre good.

RORY: I am good.

LORELAI: Well, okay, good.

RORY: What about you, are you good?

LORELAI: Me? Well, Iím gonna be good.

RORY: Is there anything I can do to help?

LORELAI: Your existence is a huge help.

RORY: Weíre both gonna be good.

LORELAI: Yeah. I wonder if Christopher and Sherryís baby is going to look like me?

RORY: Well, if the kid knows whatís good for it, it absolutely will.

LORELAI: Hand me my purse, will you? Iím hungry.

THE END


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