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Zeigual

Transcript: It Should've Been Lorelai ...


Written by: Daniel Palladino
Directed by: Lesli Linka Glatter

OPEN IN STARS HOLLOW

[Lorelai and Rory walk down the street towards Lukeís]

LORELAI: But my question is, how did that happen? How was it that suddenly everyone in the world was saying Ďmusic has charms to soothe the savage beastí when it was written breast.

RORY: I donít know. At some point someone misspoke and it just caught on.

LORELAI: How do things like that catch on?

RORY: Mom, please, youíre driving me crazy.

LORELAI: I mean, did some guy like say it at a big rally of some sort and everyone went home and started saying it that way and then it just spread from there?

RORY: Yes, exactly.

LORELAI: Oh, now youíre just trying to shut me up.

[they walk into Lukeís Diner, no oneís in there except Luke]

LORELAI: Oh my God.

RORY: What?

LORELAI: Look.

RORY: Wow.

LORELAI: Empty.

LUKE: Just one of those weird lulls, happens occasionally.

LORELAI: Ugh.

RORY: Can we sit wherever we like?

LUKE: Wherever you like.

RORY: Wow.

LORELAI: Such luxury I never dreamed of.

RORY: Where do you wanna sit?

LORELAI: I donít know. Um, how Ďbout this table with itís unobstructed westward view of the wide cosmopolitan expansive Klump Street?

RORY: Tempting. Do you know that on a clear day you can see all the way to the garbage cans behind Alís Pancake World?

LORELAI: Hm. Or we could sit in the corner - you know, the Mafia table so that no one can come up behind you and whack you with a cannoli.

RORY: Whack you with a cannoli? Oh, because he left the gun and took the cannoli.

LORELAI: Youíre so my daughter.

LUKE: Aye aye aye.

LORELAI: Hey, letís sit at the counter.

RORY: Nah, the counter, those are not the power seats.

LORELAI: Yes, but with no one here we can sit at either end and play bagel hockey.

RORY: Ooh, bagel hockey! Oh boy!

LUKE: Just sit at a table.

LORELAI: Oh, youíre awfully rude for a guy who only has two paying customers.

RORY: Okay, 3:30 on Friday - my debate at Chilton. Write it down.

LORELAI: Already written.

RORY: Good.

LORELAI: Are you prepared?

RORY: Please. Paris has us beyond prepared. I now know more about doctor assisted suicide then I ever cared to.

LORELAI: Cheery topic

[phone rings]

LUKE: Lukeís. Uh huh. Hold on a second. [to Rory] Itís for you.

RORY: What?

LUKE: Yup.

RORY: But who knows weíre here?

LORELAI: This whole morning has been a little Twilight Zone-y.

LUKE: Or Outer Limits-y.

LORELAI: What?

LUKE: Great show, just as eerie, same era, but no one ever references it.

LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't speak geek.

LUKE: Yup, stepped right in it.

RORY: Hello?

LANE: Rory?

RORY: Lane. How did you know I was here?

LANE: Telescope. I got a clean shot at Lukeís. I saw you and your mom go in.

[Rory walks over to the window, stretching the phone cord across the diner]

LUKE: Hey, watch it.

LORELAI: Yeah, duck Harvey.

RORY: So I guess youíre still grounded over that whole Henry thing, huh?

LANE: Are you kidding? Itís the mother of all groundings. My momís done everything but slap a Dr. Dre ankle bracelet on me. Iím not even going to school.

RORY: Isnít it illegal to keep a kid out of school?

LANE: Well, she talked all my teachers into allowing me to be home-schooled for two weeks. I believe the words Ďhighly contagiousí were batted about. I only get five minutes a day of outside phone time but unlimited time to call the Psalm a Day line. A big ripoff, by the way, because psalm 79 has been on there for three straight days. Thatís not in keeping with what their name clearly implies, which is a new psalm per day, every day. Not the same tired one from the previous two days.

RORY: Iíve never heard anyone get so riled up about psalms before.

LANE: My world has become very small. Okay, Iím dying for news. Give me some headlines.

RORY: Oh, well, Iíve got a debate coming up. And, um, Deanís been working extra hours lately saving up for a new motorcycle, so I hardly see him. Mom and I havenít done laundry in three weeks, but I have taken to jumping into the gigantic pile of dirty clothes while we play our Readerís Digest Worldís Famous Polka CD that we got used for ninety-nine cents. Sorry if thatís all boring.

LANE: Are you kidding? Itís the most stimulation Iíve got in a week.

MRS. KIM: Lane, come down for your snack!

LANE: Itís tea and melba toast time, gotta go. Donít forget me in my solitude.

RORY: Never.

LANE: Bye. [hangs up]

RORY: Think fast.

[Rory tosses the phone to Luke, who catches it cleanly]

LORELAI: Whoa, impressive. Are you thinking what Iím thinking?

RORY: What?

LORELAI: Goalie for the bagel hockey team?

RORY: And bump Schmitty?

LORELAI: Schmittyís over the hill, heís washed up, put him in Cooperstown. Suit up kid!

LUKE: Call me if anyone sane walks in.

[opening credits]

CUT TO LORELAIíS HOUSE

[Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the living room couch watching TV]

RORY: Thereís nothing on.

LORELAI: Thereís always something on. Uh! Struck gold!

RORY: Not Two Fat Ladies again.

LORELAI: Why not? Theyíre brilliant.

RORY: Because itís a cooking show and you donít cook.

LORELAI: That might change.

RORY: Not a chance.

LORELAI: Probably not.

RORY: Plus, weíve seen all of them like five times. Theyíre all repeats.

LORELAI: Yeah, sadly because one of the fat ladies met her maker.

RORY: Really? Which one?

LORELAI: The fat one.

RORY: Come on, which one? The one on the motorcycle or the one in the sidecar?

LORELAI: See, itís fun just talking about the Two Fat Ladies.

[doorbell rings]

RORY: Can't we find some other really fat people to watch?

LORELAI: Wow, that sounded really insensitive.

[Rory answers the door]

RORY: Paris.

PARIS: Can I come in?

RORY: I guess. So?

PARIS: You couldn't possibly be wondering what I'm doing here.

RORY: I couldn't?

PARIS: The debate's Friday and we need more preparation.

RORY: More preparation? Paris -- no two people know more about assisted suicide than the two of us. Kevorkian called today for a couple of tips.

PARIS: I know we know the material but thereís issues of presentation that need to be addressed.

RORY: Presentation?

PARIS: I was listening to the CD I burned of the cassettes I made of our mock debates against the make-believe team and I realized that you were not talking fast enough.

RORY: What?

PARIS: You're only doing 135 wpm.

RORY: Wpm?

PARIS: Words per minute.

RORY: Of course.

PARIS: That's slow.

RORY: That's not slow.

PARIS: It's Jimmy Bob slow.

RORY: I talk normally.

PARIS: For the average Willie Nelson roadie, yes, but not for a winning debate team member. As a comparison, I speak an average of 178 wpm.

RORY: Okay, word speed isn't everything. Sometimes I will add a dramatic pause to prove a point, undercutting my wpm.

PARIS: Let's not harbor any Pinteresque fantasies here, Rory. We'll have scant minutes to make our arguments and we have to maximize our collective wpm.

RORY: Okay, okay. Let's just get going.

LORELAI: Hey Paris. Were we expecting you?

PARIS: You shouldíve been. Iím going to get set up. [walks to Roryís room]

RORY: Weíre going to my room to work on my wpm.

LORELAI: Do I wanna know?

RORY: No.

[Rory walks towards her room as the phone rings]

LORELAI: Iíll get it! Hello?

CHRISTOPHER: Hey Lor, itís Chris.

LORELAI: Hey you, howís it going?

CHRISTOPHER: Good, good. Iím on a little business trip here and I thought Iíd call and check in on Rory.

LORELAI: Oh, she went to some biker party a few days ago and never came back.

CHRISTOPHER: Again?

LORELAI: Yeah, we gotta start disciplining that girl.

CHRISTOPHER: Hey, whoís got the time?

LORELAI: Actually, sheís right here. Iíll pass you to her. So whereíd this business trip take you?

CHRISTOPHER: Your neck of the woods, actually. Iím in the Litchfield area.

LORELAI: Really? How long?

CHRISTOPHER: I donít know, a couple of days, or for as long as it takes for them to succumb to my infinite charms.

LORELAI: Well, if youíre still here on Friday, you should come on down and see Rory in a debate at Chilton.

CHRISTOPHER: Really?

LORELAI: Yeah. It starts at 3:30 and itís first come, first serve. Theyíre expecting like 20,000 people so Iíd get there early.

CHRISTOPHER: Wow, Chilton up close, huh?

LORELAI: Yeah, itís your chance to see the famous Paris in action. There might even be casualties.

CHRISTOPHER: Okay, tell Rory Iíll be there.

LORELAI: Really?

CHRISTOPHER: Why not?

LORELAI: Aw, sheíll be excited. Here, tell her yourself.

CHRISTOPHER: Pass me on.

[Lorelai stands at the doorway to Roryís bedroom]

PARIS: Dairyís bad too because of the mucous. You havenít had any dairy in the last forty-eight hours, have you?

RORY: In my cereal this morning.

PARIS: Geez! Okay, well thereís a solution of salt water and vinegar that can help cut that.

LORELAI: Girls, Iím sorry to interrupt vinegar hour, but itís your dad.

RORY: [takes phone and walks away] Dad, hi.

PARIS: Did you give her the cereal?

LORELAI: Um, Iíd rather not say.

CUT TO OUTSIDE

[In the center of town, Rory walks down the sidewalk as a pay phone rings. She answers it]

RORY: Hello?

LANE: Itís me.

RORY: Lane, this is flat out stalking.

LANE: Look, I donít have much time. Iíve already used up my five minutes of phone time so this is totally illicit, but I have to talk to you. Thereís a new Belle and Sebastian single coming out today.

RORY: I know.

LANE: I have to have it.

RORY: Okay, well -.

LANE: No, I mean I have to have it.

RORY: I donít know if I have time to pick it up.

LANE: What? Rory, do you wanna hear how I used up my five minutes of phone time today? Talking to Amazon.com trying to get them to overnight it to me in a plain package with a return address referencing something Korean and religious.

RORY: They wouldnít do it, huh?

LANE: I think they notified the government.

RORY: Canít you just wait for your grounding to be over?

LANE: Hey, I am a fanatic audiophile. That comes with responsibilities that a grounding doesnít alter. Now, I have to have this single and you have to figure out how to get it to me.

RORY: Okay, okay, Iíll do my best.

LANE: Thank you, I have to go. Oh, and hey.

RORY: What?

LANE: Youíve got something in your teeth.

RORY: Stop that.

CUT TO CHILTON

[Before the debate starts, Lorelai and Sookie enter the auditorium looking for Rory]

LORELAI: Hey, there you are. Where were you?

RORY: Oh, hi.

LORELAI: I thought we were gonna meet by the vending machines for a little, uh, pre-debate nondairy snack.

RORY: Yeah, sorry, Paris wanted to do a sound check and she found some problems with the acoustics in the room.

PARIS: Itís the layout on this row of seats thatís causing a bass problem. Weíve got to move this whole row over a foot. Esta! Just move these people out. Mueva esta gente, mueva, mueva!

RORY: Better find a seat before she moves them all.

LORELAI: Have fun.

RORY: Thanks. Iím glad you came.

SOOKIE: No youíre not!

RORY: What?

SOOKIE: Iím just getting you in the mood.

[Rory walks away as Lorelai and Sookie sit down]

LORELAI: So do you see Christopher anywhere?

SOOKIE: [looks around] Uh, well, no, no, no. Hey, what does he look like?

LORELAI: If you donít know, why are you looking?

SOOKIE: Iím looking for a guy that looks like a guy that you could be with, only Iím deducting seventeen years off his age and Iím adding an all-boys private school uniform and a Yankees cap.

LORELAI: And does your head hurt?

SOOKIE: Yeah.

MRS. OíMALLEY: If everybody could please take their seats, weíll begin. That includes all the members of the debate team.

[Rory takes her seat on stage. She sees Brad sitting across from her]

RORY: Brad, hi.

BRAD: Hi Rory. I didnít think youíd remember me.

RORY: Oh, of course I do. Howís the new school?

BRAD: I love it. Itís way more mellow there and I made a ton of new friends.

RORY: Good for you.

PARIS: Well, Brad.

BRAD: Paris.

PARIS: Guess weíre going mono a mono today, huh?

BRAD: Oh God.

MRS. OíMALLEY: All right, the topic for todayís debate is doctor-assisted suicide.

SOOKIE: Thatís pleasant.

MRS: OíMALLEY: Let me introduce the debaters. On the Hillside Academy team, we have Brad Lankford and Nancy Waterford.

NANCY: You look sick.

BRAD: I feel sick.

MRS. OíMALLEY: And on the Chilton team, we have Rory Gilmore and Paris Gellar.

[Sookie and Lorelai cheer loudly]

LORELAI: Oww!

SOOKIE: Whoo!

LORELAI: Oww!

[Everyone else is silent]

SOOKIE: Were we not supposed to do that?

LORELAI: Maybe no one noticed.

MRS. OíMALLEY: Each team will have three minutes for their openings, three minutes for rebuttals, and two minutes for their conclusions. They will be judged on the basis of content, strategy, and style. I will be the judge, along with Mrs. Gladstone.

PARIS: Mrs. OíMalley is impregnable but yesterday I complemented Mrs. Gladstoneís dumpy outfit and bought her an ice cream sandwich and she practically licked my hand in gratitude.

RORY: Nice going.

MRS. OíMALLEY: We choose which team will take the pro or con side with the toss of a coin. A member of Hillside will make the call.

BRAD: Heads. No, tails, I mean tails!

MRS. OíMALLEY: Uh, itís heads. Chilton will pick pro or con.

PARIS: Pro assisted suicide.

BRAD: What a shock.

MRS. OíMALLEY: All right. Whenever youíre ready, you may commence.

PARIS: Thank you. [to Rory] Keep it snappy.

[Rory walks to the podium]

RORY: There are many vantage points from which to consider doctor assisted suicide. Serious consideration draws from ethics, law, medical practices, philosophy, psychology, public policy and religion, all topics I plan to explore in the next two minutes and forty-six seconds.

LORELAI: Geez, look at that kid, heís shaking.

SOOKIE: Ooh, and pale.

LORELAI: He looks all white and tiny.

RORY: ... provides either information or the actual means, such as medication or other supplies to a person who wishes to terminate his or her own life. The patient must then initiate the process. The goal is euthanasia, a term with its roots in ancient Greek. . .

[As Rory speaks in the background, Lorelai turns around and sees Christopher in the hallway. A few seconds later, Sherry joins him.]

CUT TO LATER IN THE DEBATE

PARIS: And referencing their last point, which erroneously cited South Carolina as a state that has neither a statute nor common law which prohibits assisted suicide when we know that North Carolina is the proper citation, their subsequent argument falls short of even a level of speciousness due to the fact that it doesnít even have a ring of factual truth, let alone a substance. And after all, the absence of prohibition against assisted suicide is a far cry from a statute that actually legitimizes the practice, a state of affairs that exists only in Oregon, sadly enough, under the 1977 Death Without Dignity Act.

[While Paris is speaking, Sookie tries to subtly look at Sherry, whoís sitting towards the back of the audience]

LORELAI: Hey, circus lady, whatís with the contortions?

SOOKIE: Iím trying to sneak a peak at the girl Christopherís with.

LORELAI: But you see, the entire concept behind the word sneak is not having people notice you, and what youíre doing is shouting Ďnotice me.í

SOOKIE: Tell me youíre not curious.

LORELAI: Iím not curious.

SOOKIE: You are too.

LORELAI: Weíll meet her in a matter of minutes. Now, come on, watch the tiny shaking boy get shorter.

MRS. OíMALLEY: Two minutes for conclusion.

[Lorelai purposely drops her tissue.]

LORELAI: Ooh. [She leans over to pick it up while glancing back at Sherry]

SOOKIE: You sneak a little peak?

LORELAI: Shh.

PARIS: Professor Bomar of Willamette University of Law has prepared a lengthy summary that Iíd like to use in my remaining time.

MRS. OíMALLEY: Time.

PARIS: What?

MRS. OíMALLEY: Thatís it, timeís up.

PARIS: Oh, but if I could just have a few seconds to rebut their charge of the cruelty of the act.

BRAD: We take it back!

PARIS: You canít take it back, itís a debate.

MRS. OíMALLEY: Okay, thatís enough cruelty for one day, Paris. Your team has won. Congratulations.

PARIS: Really? Thank you. Thank you very much. [walks over to opposing team] You put up a good fight. Better luck next time.

RORY: You okay?

BRAD: Iím sweating. Iím completely soaked through. And I think Iím catching a cold.

RORY: Do you need a hug? Or a towel?

BRAD: No, thanks. I think Iím just gonna sit here quietly.

[cut to Lorelai and Sookie standing near the doorway]

SOOKIE: Uh! There they are.

LORELAI: I see them. What do you think?

SOOKIE: She's got good hair.

LORELAI: Yeah.

SOOKIE: Plus she's been sitting for an hour and her dress is perfect. Not a wrinkle? How does she do that?

LORELAI: She must be a witch.

SOOKIE: And she's doing that no-hose thing.

LORELAI: Yeah. She's a chic, good hair, wrinkle-free, no-hose-wearing witch.

SOOKIE: You ready?

LORELAI: Yeah.

[they walk towards Christopher and Sherry]

LORELAI: Hi there, you two.

CHRISTOPHER: Hey Lorelai. You guys get to meet at last. This is. . .

LORELAI: Sherry.

SHERRY: Nice to finally meet you.

LORELAI: Yeah, I recognized you from your Christmas card.

CHRISTOPHER: Which Iím sure you mocked mercilessly.

LORELAI: Did not. Others, yes, but not yours. You guys were cute, and the puppy was cute. [Sookie clears her throat] Hey, this is Sookie.

SHERRY: Nice to meet you.

SOOKIE: Nice to meet you. You have a very smooth dress.

SHERRY: Oh, well thank you. Itís the fabric.

SOOKIE: The fabric. Uh huh.

LORELAI: Hm. Uh, Chris, Iíve told you about Sookie.

CHRISTOPHER: Yes you have, the famous Sookie.

SOOKIE: The famous Christopher.

CHRISTOPHER: I hear youíre the greatest chef after Alan Ducass.

SOOKIE: After Alan Ducass? Who Ė who said after?

RORY: Hi Dad! You came.

CHRISTOPHER: Of course I did.

RORY: Sorry, Iím still getting used to it. Iím glad.

LORELAI: Honey, um, look who Dad brought.

CHRISTOPHER: This is Sherry. Sherry, this is Rory.

SHERRY: Oh, finally, finally, finally. I am so beyond thrilled, I canít tell you. All he does is talk about you. I couldnít wait to meet this amazing person.

LORELAI: Well, she lives up to the hype, let me tell ya.

RORY: Is my face turning red?

LORELAI: Oh yeah, beet red.

SHERRY: Oh, Iím sorry. I put you on the spot. Iíve just been really looking forward to this.

RORY: No, no, itís okay.

LORELAI: Um, will you excuse us for a minute? Rory just wanted to show me something around the corner here and weíll be right back.

CHRISTOPHER: So Rory was great, huh?

SOOKIE: Brilliant. So, who said I was after Alan Ducass?

[Lorelai and Rory walk down the hall and into the auditorium]

RORY: He brought Sherry.

LORELAI: I know.

RORY: This is a little. . .

LORELAI: Yeah.

RORY: Did you talk to her? Is she nice?

LORELAI: Sheís a witch.

RORY: Oh, good.

LORELAI: So, what do we do?

RORY: What do you mean?

LORELAI: Come on, come on, come on. We gotta put on our hostessing hats and set a game plan here.

RORY: Oh yeah, I guess it would be impolite if we didnít ask them to hang out with us.

LORELAI: So what do we do? Hit the vending machines?

RORY: Invite them to Lukeís?

LORELAI: Does she look like a diner chick to you?

RORY: Probably not.

LORELAI: I wish he had told me she was with him.

RORY: Where else can we invite them?

LORELAI: Alís Pancake World.

RORY: No, itís Friday. He does his prefix menu on Fridays.

LORELAI: Ugh. Well, thereís always our house.

RORY: Itís a mess.

LORELAI: Might be the safest?

RORY: Okay.

LORELAI: Why didnít he mention that she was with him?

RORY: I donít know.

[they walk back towards them]

CHRISTOPHER: Itís really just more of an impression than something I probably actually heard.

SOOKIE: But maybe someone implied that I was after him?

LORELAI: Oh, Sookie?

SOOKIE: Yeah?

LORELAI: You know what, you are the greatest chef in the world, bar none.


SOOKIE: Uh, thanks.

LORELAI: So, um, are you guys doing anything now?

CHRISTOPHER: Not really.

SHERRY: No, weíre pretty free for the rest of the day.

LORELAI: Well, why donít you come back and see our place?

SHERRY: Oh, that would be great.

CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, Sherry would love that. Thanks Lor.

SHERRY: I was hoping weíd get a chance to see where Rory lives and her room.

RORY: Oh, my roomís really no big deal.

SHERRY: Oh, and the books. Iíve heard all about the books. I canít wait to see the books.


LORELAI: Well, letís go and see the books.

[They start walking down the hall as Paris walks over]

PARIS: Rory! So, great job. We pretty much wiped the floor with them.

RORY: Yeah, we turned them into cleaning products, definitely.

PARIS: Listen, the verbatim transcripts of the debate will be ready in about a half hour. I thought we could wait for them and sit and talk about what we did right, what we did wrong, compare wpmís.

RORY: Well, Iím actually heading with my group back to our house, so I really canít.

PARIS: Oh. Okay, whatever. If you donít want to celebrate with me, thatís just fine.

CUT TO LORELAIíS HOUSE
[Lorelai and Rory rush through the front door]

LORELAI: You get the living room, Iíll get the kitchen!

RORY: What about the upstairs?

LORELAI: Iíll body block the fool who tries to go upstairs.

RORY: Company is stressful.

LORELAI: Ugh, donít forget about your room!

RORY: What?

LORELAI: Your room! She wants to see the books!

RORY: Well, Iíll hit it next.

LORELAI: Ugh, theyíre probably gonna want something to eat and drink.

RORY: Well, company usually does.

LORELAI: We have nothing.

RORY: We must have something.

LORELAI: Not unless Divine Providence has placed a miracle brie and cracker plate in the fridge.

RORY: We have leftover Halloween candy.

LORELAI: Aw, waste that on company?

RORY: Well, having company is about making sacrifices.

LORELAI: Martha Stewart?

RORY: I paraphrased Proust.

LORELAI: I shouldíve known. Fine. Presentation is everything.

CHRISTOPHER: [calls from front door] Hello?

RORY: Hi Dad!

CHRISTOPHER: You guys need some more time to clean up?

LORELAI: He knows us too well.

RORY: Come on in. Howíd you know we were cleaning?

CHRISTOPHER: Uh, well, when you cut us off in the parking lot and sped off doing sixty, I figured you were trying to beat us home for a reason.

SHERRY: I hope weíre not completely ruining your day.

LORELAI: Oh no, we love company. Please come in.

SHERRY: Your house is great.

LORELAI: Thanks, we like it. Have a seat.

[they all sit down in the living room]

SHERRY: Rory, you were wonderful in the debate today.

RORY: Thanks.

CHRISTOPHER: Uh, that Paris was a little intense.

LORELAI: Ha, a little? The opposing team could bring her up on war crimes.

RORY: Yeah, her approach will come in handy when she becomes a CEO or a dictator of a country or something.

SHERRY: Mm hmm. Well, you were very poised up there, very sure of yourself, just like your dad.

CHRISTOPHER: And your mom.

LORELAI: Aw shucks, Pa.

SHERRY: And your uniform is darling, really. I love the blue. Of course, Iím sure you look good in anything.

LORELAI: Oh yeah, you should see her in chaps.

SHERRY: Really?

RORY: No, that was just my mom being funny.

SHERRY: Oh.

LORELAI: Yeah, it comes and goes. Youíll learn to notice the signs.

CHRISTOPHER: The waves get really still, the animals start to act funny.

SHERRY: You know, I went to private school too.


RORY: Really?

SHERRY: Except that our colors were white and bright red. I looked hideous.

CHRISTOPHER: Oh, sheís being self-deprecating. You looked cute in that outfit.

SHERRY: No no, I looked like a peppermint stick. I swear, thatís where my addiction to clothes comes from. Trying to make up for all the years of having to wear the same thing everyday.

RORY: Yeah, I can understand that.

SHERRY: Well, we should go shopping sometime for clothes or whatever.

RORY: Yeah, we could do that.

SHERRY: Soon, okay?

RORY: Sure.

LORELAI: Hey, drinks. Who wants something to drink? Iíve got water, soda. . .

CHRISTOPHER: Uh, just water for me

SHERRY: Me too.

LORELAI: Oh, making it easy, I love it.

SHERRY: Iíll help you.

LORELAI: Oh, no, uh, well, okay. Sherry, you donít have to help me.

SHERRY: No, I want to.

LORELAI: Great.

[Lorelai and Sherry walk into the kitchen]

LORELAI: So, uh, do you want flat water or sparkling? I hope itís flat because I donít have sparkling. Or flat. Or ice cubes. I have cups, I think.

SHERRY: Itís a little awkward, isnít it?

LORELAI: What?

SHERRY: Us, you and me, our being here.

LORELAI: Aw, no, not really.

SHERRY: But kind of, right?

LORELAI: Well, weíre just not used to having company.

SHERRY: I mean, you and Christopher were so close. I know it was years ago but these things are never simple.

LORELAI: Well, just in general, things like this are always awkward slightly, but only slightly. [opens fridge] Agh, look. Apple juice - with a perfectly respectable expiration date.

SHERRY: Look, I just want you to know that you should not feel like you need to get to know me.

LORELAI: Oh.

SHERRY: At all.

LORELAI: Okay.

SHERRY: I mean, just because Christopher and I are close doesnít mean that we need to be close, or friends or anything for that matter.

LORELAI: No, I guess not.

SHERRY: I mean, except for our unexpected visit, we may never have even met.

LORELAI: I think we probably wouldíve met eventually.

SHERRY: Perhaps, at some function or other.

LORELAI: Yeah - you, me, Martin Sheen all chained to the same tree.

SHERRY: But I do desperately wanna get to know Rory.

LORELAI: Well sure, sheís a great kid.

SHERRY: And thatís okay with you?

LORELAI: Yeah, thatís fine.

SHERRY: Oh, Iím so glad to hear that. Because things are kind of speeding up between me and Christopher and Ö

LORELAI: Really?

SHERRY: Rory is so important to him.

LORELAI: Yeah, I know, she is.

SHERRY: And he told me about how he wasnít really a presence in her life for years and how heíd like to make up for all that time that he wasted.

LORELAI: Well, heís been doing really well lately.

SHERRY: I know. He is obsessive about his call dates to her. I mean, it doesnít matter where we are or what weíre doing, heís gotta call Rory Wednesday nights at seven oíclock. I like that about him.

LORELAI: Yeah, me too.

SHERRY: And he really wants me to bond with her too. Itís important with everything we have coming.

LORELAI: I totally understand.

SHERRY: Good, Iím glad.

LORELAI: Yeah.

SHERRY: So what are the chances of Rory and I getting together on this trip?

LORELAI: This trip?

SHERRY: How about tonight?

LORELAI: Tonight?

SHERRY: Rory seemed up for it.

LORELAI: Tonight huh? Well, uh, itís kind of last minute and weíre supposed to go somewhere.

SHERRY: The Friday night dinner with your parents.

LORELAI: You know about those?

SHERRY: All about them, but Christopher said that you can get her out of them if thereís a pressing need.

LORELAI: Well, thatís true to a certain extent but - .

SHERRY: Well this is pressing. I am so forcing myself here itís embarrassing, but thatís how important it is. I mean, who knows when this opportunityís gonna present itself again, right?

LORELAI: Right.

SHERRY: So?

LORELAI: Well, um, sure. Youíll have to ask Rory but if itís okay with her, itís okay with me.

SHERRY: You know, youíre as great as Christopher said you were.

LORELAI: Well, heís an excellent judge of character.

SHERRY: Okay, Iíll see you back out there? Okay.

[Sherry brings two of the glasses into the living room]

CHRISTOPHER: Everything okay?

SHERRY: Yup, she found apple juice.

[phone rings]

LORELAI: [from kitchen] Hey Rory, can you get that!

RORY: Let the machine pick it up.

LORELAI: No, it could be important.

RORY: Okay. [answers phone] Hello?

LORELAI: Hi, itís me.

RORY: Oh, hi.

LORELAI: Iím still in the kitchen. Um, listen, I just wanted to tell you that Sherry just asked me if she could go out with you tonight just the two of you, and she sort of trapped me into saying that I could get you out of the Friday night dinner, which she knew all about. But I told her she had to run it past you first, so I can still get you out of it. Although, it might be a good idea to get a Sherry night out of the way because it seems kind of inevitable. So if youíre okay going with her, just say, um, ĎSorry Leonard, weíve got company, I have to call you back.í

RORY: Sorry Leonard, weíve got company, Iíll have to call you back.

LORELAI: Oh, okay. Bye. [walks into the living room] Okay, hereís your drink. Who was that?

RORY: Um, that was Leonard.

LORELAI: Oh, did you tell him we have company?

RORY: Yeah.

CHRISTOPHER: Uh, whoís Leonard?

RORY: Oh, just a friend.

CHRISTOPHER: A friend of yours or a friend of Lorelaiís?

LORELAI: A mutual friend.

RORY: Yeah, itís pretty much equal.

CHRISTOPHER: A mutual Leonard?

LORELAI: Yeah, weíre constantly fighting over him.

SHERRY: Rory, can I run something by you?

RORY: Oh sure.

SHERRY: Your dad and I are around for another night, and heís totally sick of me.

CHRISTOPHER: Not true.

SHERRY: Anyhow, I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me tonight, just the two of us.

RORY: Oh, sure, that would be nice.

SHERRY: Really?

RORY: Yeah. I mean, um, if itís okay with my mom because we do have a Grandma/Grandpa dinner tonight.

LORELAI: Itís fine by me.

SHERRY: Great. Oh, of course this does leave you a sad little orphan.

CHRISTOPHER: Oh, thatís okay. Iíll have one of my patented White Castle bachelor dinners.

LORELAI: Or you can come with me tonight. Uh, if you want.

CHRISTOPHER: To your parents?

LORELAI: Yeah, Ďcause with Rory not there I might need a hostage.

SHERRY: Oh, yes, do it.

CHRISTOPHER: Okay, itís good grub. You sure they wonít be mad?

LORELAI: Hi, they like you.

CHRISTOPHER: True.

SHERRY: Great. Well, we should go get cleaned up for tonight then. Thanks for having us over like this.

LORELAI: Any time.

SHERRY: So weíll swing by around six?

RORY: Oh, sounds good.

SHERRY: Okay.

CHRISTOPHER: Bye sweetie.

RORY: Bye Dad.

CHRISTOPHER: Bye Leonard.

CUT TO LORELAIíS HOUSE

[Later that night, Rory is in the living room as Lorelai walks down the stairs]

LORELAI: Honey, hurry, they said six.

RORY: Yeah but itís six Dad time so itís more like six-thirty.

LORELAI: But Dad time is now linked to Sherry time and that Sherry seems awfully punctual.

RORY: That is so annoying.

[phone rings]


LORELAI: We have to learn to live with each otherís deficiencies.

RORY: Iíll get it.

LORELAI: Oh, if itís Leonard, tell him Iíll call him back.

RORY: Heís so needy. [answers phone] Hello?

LANE: Humongous snag in the CD drop plan.

RORY: What happened?

LANE: Bible class has been moved an hour later, all to accommodate the reverendís handball schedule.

RORY: The reverend plays handball?

LANE: Iím just as appalled. So itís at ten instead of nine.

RORY: Okay, Iíll make the necessary adjustments.

LANE: Thank you, thank you, thank you. So, anything new?

RORY: My dad brought his girlfriend to my debate.

LANE: The potential stepmom? Oh my God. Tell me what sheís like, whatíd she say and tell me in like eleven seconds Ďcause itís all the phone time I have left.

RORY: Thatís too much pressure!

LANE: Well, then write a long descriptive letter about it all and slip it into the CD booklet. Oh, and try to include a candid Polaroid of her if you can.

RORY: Iíll try.

LANE: Gotta go.

RORY: Bye. [hangs up]

CHRISTOPHER: Hey, can we come in?

LORELAI: Yeah, come on in. Hey.

SHERRY: You look great.

LORELAI: Oh, thanks, you too.

SHERRY: Hi there, you ready to go?

RORY: All set.

SHERRY: Okay, so we wonít be too late, probably around ten.

LORELAI: Okay, well, if you wanna grab a drink after the movie, Roryís got the list of places that serve minors.

RORY: Nah, I got a flask in my purse.

LORELAI: Ooh.

SHERRY: Okay, Iím gonna have to drink a lot of coffee to keep up with you two.

LORELAI: Damn, our secretís been revealed.

SHERRY: Bye love.

CHRISTOPHER: Have fun

RORY: Okay.

LORELAI: Bye Sweets.

RORY: Bye.

[Rory and Sherry leave]

CHRISTOPHER: There they go.

LORELAI: Yeah, there they go.

CHRISTOPHER: Sherryís really excited about this. Itís such a great opportunity Lor. Thanks for making it happen.

LORELAI: Thatís what Iím here for. Let me just get my coat and we can go.

CHRISTOPHER: Great.

LORELAI: Can I just ask you a quick question?

CHRISTOPHER: Sure, what?

LORELAI: When I invited you to Roryís debate, was Sherry with you?

CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, of course. Sheís been with me the whole trip. Why?

LORELAI: Itís just that you gave me no indication that she was with you.

CHRISTOPHER: What? I must have.

LORELAI: Nope, singular pronouns all the way.

CHRISTOPHER: I actually donít remember what I said.

LORELAI: I do. You said, ĎIíll be thereí, as in just you.

CHRISTOPHER: Well, I may have said that but I wasnít making a point of saying that. It just came out that way.

LORELAI: Okay, whatever, I was just wondering.

CHRISTOPHER: Itís okay that I brought Sherry along, isnít it?

LORELAI: Absolutely. It was just a surprise, thatís all.

CHRISTOPHER: Okay.

LORELAI: So you werenít trying to hide the fact?

CHRISTOPHER: No. I mean, obviously you were gonna find out she was with me once we arrived.

LORELAI: Obviously.

CHRISTOPHER: Okay then.

LORELAI: Okay.

CHRISTOPHER: So what do you think of her?

LORELAI: Oh, I donít know her well enough to judge.

CHRISTOPHER: Well, thatís never stopped you from judging people before.

LORELAI: Hey buddy, Iím trying to grow here.

CHRISTOPHER: Well, if it helps, she was saying really nice things about you.

LORELAI: Really?

CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. She said you guys had a really nice talk in the kitchen.

LORELAI: Well, if thatís what she said, then I guess we did.

CHRISTOPHER: Lorelai, come on.

LORELAI: What?

CHRISTOPHER: Youíre being very cryptic. Did something happen between you two?

LORELAI: No, I just. . .I thought our conversation in the kitchen was a little odd.

CHRISTOPHER: And this is being less cryptic?

LORELAI: Itís just that she went on and on about how we never have to be friends or get to know each other at all or try to force any kind of relationship.

CHRISTOPHER: Really? She never mentioned that part. Huh.

LORELAI: So how come she figures she never has to see me?

CHRISTOPHER: Well, Iím sure she was trying to make you feel at ease around her. Because itís true, you guys donít have to force anything.

LORELAI: Uh huh. Whereíd she get this Ďdonít force ití philosophy?

CHRISTOPHER: Not from me.

LORELAI: You sure?

CHRISTOPHER: Yes, Iím sure.

LORELAI: So she just wants to get to know Rory, not me.

CHRISTOPHER: Well, I did steer her toward bonding with Rory, Iíll admit that.

LORELAI: But not with me.

CHRISTOPHER: Roryís my daughter Lorelai, Sherry has to get to know her.

LORELAI: I know.

CHRISTOPHER: I wasnít purposely omitting you or telling her not to interact with you.

LORELAI: Oh good, so youíre not having me killed or anything like that?

CHRISTOPHER: No. In fact, I was just going over my Ďpeople to killí list and I donít think you were on it.

LORELAI: Because by the very fact that Rory exists, I am in the picture.

CHRISTOPHER: You can back off Lorelai. Youíll be in Sherryís life.

LORELAI: Good.

CHRISTOPHER: Not that you thought to do the same thing when you were in my shoes.

LORELAI: What? What are you talking about?

CHRISTOPHER: You have a fiancé, I believe.

LORELAI: Yes, Max.

CHRISTOPHER: Right, Max.

LORELAI: That was not the same thing.

CHRISTOPHER: Really? Max knew Rory, Max got close to Rory, right?

LORELAI: Yes.

CHRISTOPHER: Well, he and I never met. I didnít even know he existed until late in the game. Hell, I didnít even know you were engaged until you called me from your bachelorette party. And I wasnít invited to the wedding Ė or did my invitation get lost in the mail?

LORELAI: Well, youíve moved a lot this past year.

CHRISTOPHER: I was never part of that equation.

LORELAI: Okay, maybe. But trust me, you wouldíve been part of the equation eventually. Really Chris, you would have.

CHRISTOPHER: Well then, trust me Lorelai, eventually you wouldíve been part of this one.

CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE

[Doorbell rings, Emily answers it.]

EMILY: Christopher!

CHRISTOPHER: Hello Emily.

EMILY: Well, this is a surprise. Whereís Rory?

LORELAI: Uh, a last minute unexpected thing came up, but I brought a good substitute Ė half her genes in a nice nifty Christopher package.

EMILY: Well, weíre letting the freezing air get in. Come in, come in. Is she sick? There are terrible things making the rounds these days.

[they walk to the living room]

LORELAI: No, sheís not sick. Hi Dad.

RICHARD: Hello Lorelai. Christopher, this is a surprise!

CHRISTOPHER: A nice one, I hope.

RICHARD: A very nice one.

CHRISTOPHER: How are you Richard?

RICHARD: Youíre looking well.

CHRISTOPHER: So are you. You playing a lot of golf lately?

RICHARD: Ah, well, more like itís playing me. Oh, letís not stand here. Come into the living room. Now, who wants a drink? Uh, martini, Manhattan, some scotch?

LORELAI: Yes please.

RICHARD: Uh, you wanna narrow that down for me?

LORELAI: Hooch is hooch Dad.

CHRISTOPHER: Iíll have a Manhattan.

EMILY: Same here.

RICHARD: Right.

EMILY: So you never said where Rory is.

RICHARD: Roryís not here?

EMILY: Richard, you didnít even notice your own granddaughter isnít here?

RICHARD: Well, sheís so quiet she sometimes slips in unnoticed. She should work for the CIA. Uh, one cherry good for everybody?

CHRISTOPHER: Fine with me.

EMILY: Me too.

LORELAI: Eight please. Iím peckish.

EMILY: Well, I noticed that Rory isnít here.

LORELAI: Well youíve got that eagle eye, Mom.

CHRISTOPHER: Iím afraid itís my fault Emily. My girlfriend and I were passing through town and we dropped by Stars Hollow for a visit, and she and Rory are off doing something together.

EMILY: You have a girlfriend?

CHRISTOPHER: Sherry.

EMILY: And she and Rory are out together?

LORELAI: Iím sorry. I shouldíve called, Mom.

EMILY: Well, that wouldíve been thoughtful. I mean, we set a place for her at the table and everything.

LORELAI: Well, Chris is here so it wonít go to waste.

CHRISTOPHER: Although normally I demand my own customized place setting.

EMILY: So how long have you been with this woman?

CHRISTOPHER: Eight months.

RICHARD: Mm, I bet sheís pretty.

LORELAI: Yes, sheís very pretty.

RICHARD: Uh, something in your eye Lorelai?

LORELAI: I got it.

EMILY: Youíve met this woman?

LORELAI: Yes, Mom, I met this woman today and sheís very nice.

RICHARD: Uh, what does she do? Does she work?

CHRISTOPHER: Uh, sheís the East Coast sales rep for Loreal Cosmetics.

RICHARD: Hm, that sounds like a lot of responsibility.

CHRISTOPHER: Keeps her busy, involves some travel.

EMILY: What are they doing?

LORELAI: What?

EMILY: Rory and Christopherís friend Ė what are they doing tonight?

LORELAI: Dinner and a movie, something like that. Itís my fault that we didnít call.

RICHARD: You work has you traveling too, I hear.

CHRISTOPHER: Some.

RICHARD: Everyone thinks that traveling on business is so glamorous but what they donít realize is that the business traveler never gets to see the places he visits. My last trip to Rome, I spent the whole four days in a conference room by the airport. I might as well have been in French Lick, Indiana.

CHRISTOPHER: Well, my trips are mostly local, just me and my Volvo.

EMILY: You have a Volvo?

RICHARD: Thatís new, isnít it?

CHRISTOPHER: I just got it.

RICHARD: Excellent choice. Itís nice and safe. Thatís a good family car.

LORELAI: Itís also excellent for cranking Metallica.

RICHARD: Cranking Metallica?

LORELAI: Mm hmm.

RICHARD: If thatís some sort of drug reference, it isnít funny.

EMILY: So youíre planning on having a family?

CHRISTOPHER: What?

EMILY: With this woman?

LORELAI: Her nameís Sherry, Mom, and youíre really putting Chris on the spot here.

EMILY: Well, he bought a family car, itís a natural question.

LORELAI: Dad called it a family car. Iím sure thereís nothing in the sales contract that says you have to have a family in order to buy the car.

CHRISTOPHER: Although I didnít read all the fine print.

EMILY: You always drove a motorcycle before, didnít you?

CHRISTOPHER: I still got it.

RICHARD: Oh, oh, a family man shouldnít drive a motorcycle. The accidents I covered for the firm involving motorcycles Ė the worst, grisly. They use this industrial machine to scrape the victims off the road like a huge spatula.

LORELAI: Hey, mouthful of cherries here.

EMILY: So are you living together?

LORELAI: Mom, get out the interrogation lamp, why donít you.

CHRISTOPHER: Itís okay. Yeah, but weíre looking for something bigger in the Boston area.

RICHARD: There are a lot of nice historical places up there.

CHRISTOPHER: Something historical in our price range would be perfect.

EMILY: You know historical homes are infested with mold, donít you?

LORELAI: Mold?

EMILY: It gets inside the walls and grows out of sight and shoots off spores that slowly kill you and your family.

LORELAI: You should get a show on the Home and Garden channel, Mom.

RICHARD: When did you become an expert on mold, Emily?

EMILY: It was in the New York Times Magazine. Iíd hold off buying a place with this woman until you look into this.

LORELAI: Sherry, Sherry.

CHRISTOPHER: Well, itís actually gonna come down to whatever we can afford. It might just be a newly built place.

EMILY: With their shoddy craftsmanship? Oh, you donít want that.

LORELAI: What does that leave them with, Mom Ė a teepee?

EMILY: Iím sorry. I just donít think that Rory should miss our dinners for something other than sickness or emergencies. That was the agreement.

CHRISTOPHER: Iím sorry Emily, really.

LORELAI: Mom, Chris has apologized like a hundred times. How many more times do you wanna hear it?

CHRISTOPHER: Listen, I can call Sherry and have her and Rory come by after their movie, that way it wonít be a totally Rory-less evening.


EMILY: Thatís not what I want.

LORELAI: Mom, weíre desperately trying to work with you here.

EMILY: Working with me is one thing, patronizing me is another. Excuse me. [leaves]

CHRISTOPHER: I feel horrible.

RICHARD: Oh, donít son. Thatís just Emily.

LORELAI: Iíll go see what I can do.

CUT TO KITCHEN

[Lorelai walks in as Emily pours herself a drink]

LORELAI: You wanna tell me whatís going on here?

EMILY: How can you let that horrible woman take Rory like that?

LORELAI: Okay Mom, calm down. Itís only one night.

EMILY: Thatís how it starts. Sheís just getting her claws into her.

LORELAI: Her claws?

EMILY: Weíll never see Rory again if that woman has her way.

LORELAI: Mom, hold it. Rory is my daughter, you know. I have some control over this.

EMILY: Sheís not getting Rory on weekends, you canít let that happen.

LORELAI: What is this about Mom? Why are you so flipped out?

EMILY: Lorelai, are you blind or just that humiliated?

LORELAI: Humiliated?

EMILY: Christopher gets his life together with that woman.

LORELAI: So, thatís good.

EMILY: It shouldíve been you!

LORELAI: What?

EMILY: Donít play dumb, Lorelai. You know it too, and deep down I know youíre heartbroken.

LORELAI: Iím not heartbroken.

EMILY: Well, I am.

LORELAI: Huh.

EMILY: I always had the picture in my mind of the three of you together. After all these years and after all the bad things that happened, Rory with both her parents. And now that Christopherís got his life together, itís with her and not you.

LORELAI: Mom, the timing was never right for us.

EMILY: Thatís because you dawdled time away. You couldíve had that affect on him. You couldíve been the person to help him get his life together, but you made no effort!

LORELAI: Oh, so now this comes down to something I didnít do? Donít put that on me Mother!

EMILY: What other explanation is there? Heís always been crazy about you but youíve always kept him at arms length. You keep everyone at armís length.

LORELAI: Thatís not true!

EMILY: It is true! Your destiny was to be with Christopher and now itís too late!

LORELAI: Then it wasnít our destiny!

EMILY: So youíre saying that you donít have feelings for him Lorelai, that all of this is just fine with you?

LORELAI: Thatís not important.

EMILY: Itís not?

LORELAI: No. Whatís important is that Christopher is doing well and heís happy and we should be happy for him.

EMILY: Youíre impossible. I need to lie down. Tell Christopher Ė tell him whatever you like, I donít care.

CUT TO LUKEíS DINER

[Lorelai walks through the door]

LUKE: Hey.

LORELAI: Hey.

LUKE: You alone this morning?

LORELAI: No, Roryís with me. She just had to run an errand.

LUKE: Well, take whatever table you want.

LORELAI: Okay.

LUKE: You okay?

LORELAI: Yeah.

LUKE: You donít seem your chipper self.

LORELAI: I brought some sparklers. Iíll light them later and do some kicks.

LUKE: You know, if you want I can clear the counter and you can play some bagel hockey.

LORELAI: You canít play bagel hockey by yourself.

LUKE: Iíll play with you. Youíll have to explain the rules.

LORELAI: Itís okay. Iím just trying to recover from last night. It was one of those nights where you start off stepping in quicksand and end up with a sixteen-ton anvil landing on your head.

LUKE: Iíve had plenty of those. Iíll bring some coffee.

LORELAI: Canít hurt.

[Lorelai walks towards an empty table as Rory walks in]

RORY: You order?

LORELAI: Oh, just coffee. God, I mustíve been sound asleep when you got home last night.

RORY: You were snoring like a buzz saw.

LORELAI: I believe thatís defined as a superfluous comment.

RORY: Yes, you were sound asleep.

LORELAI: So, Iím dying to hear about your night with Sherry. How was it? Give it to me, A to Z, beginning to end, soup to nuts.

RORY: Well, she is what she seems.

LORELAI: Details please.

RORY: Sheís a very cautious driver. She doesnít roll through stop signs, doesnít speed, she always signals before she turns.

LORELAI: Hm. Commendable, but not the person I want driving our getaway car.

RORY: What are we robbing?

LORELAI: Sephora. We had it all planned out.

RORY: Slipped my mind.

LORELAI: Whatís her music taste?

RORY: Big Bruce Springsteen fan. Seen him like twenty times.

LORELAI: Blue collar roots or is she just slumming?

RORY: Oh, her father owned a shoe store and her mom taught kindergarten.

LORELAI: Wow, you guys really got into some details.

RORY: She was definitely in bonding mode.

LORELAI: What else, what else?

RORY: Sheís very touchy-feely. Hand on the shoulder, lots of hugs.

LORELAI: She didnít try to get fresh, did she?

RORY: Gross!

LORELAI: Go on.

RORY: Um, sheís had one prior serious relationship in her life.

LORELAI: Finally, the juicy stuff.

RORY: And it lasted eleven years.

LORELAI: Eleven years? And she never got married?

RORY: She said she never thought about it with her career and all, but now sheís thinking about it more and more.

LORELAI: Tick tock, tick tock.

RORY: And the past couple of years she hasnít even dated anyone unless she thought that for sure it could be a lasting relationship, and sheís got some specific goals now concerning children.

LORELAI: Oh, here we go.

RORY: She wants at least two, and before she met Dad she was seriously considering single parenthood.

LORELAI: Thatís wanting kids.

RORY: Thatís about it.

LORELAI: Yeah?

RORY: Oh, she works for Loreal.

LORELAI: Hm, I heard that.

RORY: Iím tapped. How was your night?

LORELAI: Oh, well, fine. Just took Mom a whole five minutes before she self-combusted and left the room in tears.

RORY: What?

LORELAI: She freaked out that you were with Sherry, can you believe that?

RORY: She freaked?

LORELAI: Totally. She kept calling her Ďthat womaní.

RORY: Well, what did she think, that you were gonna come home and find a rabbit boiling on the stove?

LORELAI: No, it had to do with her and Christopher and . . . anyway, eventually she came down and had a pouty dinner.

RORY: So it ended up okay?

LORELAI: For the most part.

RORY: Is she mad at me?

LORELAI: No, the angel child, never.

LUKE: Here you go. [brings their coffee]

RORY: Thank you.

LORELAI: Thanks. So, um, I wanna ask you something.

RORY: Ask.

LORELAI: When youíve thought about me and your dad Ė what have you been thinking all these years?

RORY: Um, what do you mean?

LORELAI: I mean, did you ever picture us potentially together, like Ďwe are familyí together?

RORY: Well, not really.

LORELAI: But sort of, it crossed your mind?

RORY: I feel like Iím on the Ricki Lake show.

LORELAI: Go Rory, go Rory.

RORY: Well, Iíll admit that I have pictured the three of us living together at various times, but in the way that all kids picture their estranged parents living together or the way they should be together, but itís stupid.

LORELAI: Itís not stupid.

RORY: Yeah, Iíve pictured it.

LORELAI: Hm.

RORY: But I also pictured you with Pee-Wee Herman.

LORELAI: Wow.

RORY: Yeah. We lived in his playhouse and weíd be talking to Chairy and Captain Carl would be walking by.

LORELAI: [laughs] Fun!

RORY: Yeah. Oh, and later I pictured you marrying Matthew Broderick, and we lived in New York in this great apartment in the village and we would talk about his Ferris Bueller days.

LORELAI: Just think how easy Producers tickets would be to get.

RORY: Oh, it would be fourth row center every night.

LORELAI: Iím sorry that Matthew and I couldnít work it out, honey.

RORY: Iíll try to get over it.

LORELAI: So should it have been me?

RORY: Huh? Oops, sorry! Zero hour Ė I have to go. Iíll be right back. [leaves]

CUT TO OUTSIDE

[Rory stands by the gazebo and waits for Mrs. Kim and Lane to walk out of their house. When they do, Rory nods to Kirk, who walks up to them.]

KIRK: Excuse me Mrs. Kim, Iím Kirk.

MRS. KIM: I know youíre Kirk. Iíve known you since you were two.

KIRK: Thatís no guarantee that people remember me.

MRS. KIM: Weíre in a hurry.

KIRK: I wonít take up much of your time. I was just wondering what your store hours are.

MRS. KIM: For people who come to buy things, come with cash, itís ten to six, Sunday through Friday. For people who wander around, blocking aisles, touching things with dirty hands, never buying or asking for eighty percent off, weíre closed.

KIRK: I should jot this down. You said ten to six, thatís ten a.m.?

MRS. KIM: Yes.

KIRK: Okay, got it, thanks for your time.

[While theyíre talking, a hooded jogger runs by and slips a CD into the bag Laneís carrying. Mrs. Kim and Lane walk away. The jogger, Michel, runs over to Rory at the gazebo, out of breath.]

RORY: Oh my God. Michel, are you okay?

MICHEL: Iíve been running around this stupid square for over an hour.

RORY: Why?

MICHEL: Why? Because the plan was to drop the CD at nine oíclock.

RORY: No, it got changed to ten. I told my mom and she said sheíd pass it on. She didnít pass it on, did she?

MICHEL: Definitely not.

RORY: Oh, well the mission was a success.

MICHEL: Yes, my cardiologist will be thrilled. Ah! Iíve got a cramp, Iíve got a cramp!

RORY: Can I do anything for you?

MICHEL: Ah, get away from me evil girl!

RORY: But -.

MICHEL: Never will I do anything for you again, ever, ever, never!

RORY: Well if it makes you feel any better, you had really good form.

MICHEL: You are your motherís child.

RORY: Thank you!

CUT TO LUKEíS DINER

[Lorelai sits at her table as Christopher and Sherry walk in]

LORELAI: Hey you guys.

CHRISTOPHER: Hey.

SHERRY: We just wanted to say a last goodbye. Roryís not here?

LORELAI: She went outside somewhere. You can probably find her.

SHERRY: Oh, okay. I think I will. We had such a great time last night. So I hear your dinner was good?

LORELAI: Uh, yeah, it was great.

SHERRY: I would love to see that house sometime, especially the portrait of Rory in the study. Any way I could get a picture?

LORELAI: I can send you one.

SHERRY: That would be great! So sheís outside?

LORELAI: Somewhere.

SHERRY: Iím gonna try to corral her.

CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, bring her by so I can see her too.

SHERRY: Okay. Bye Lorelai. Thanks for everything.

LORELAI: Oh, youíre welcome. Bye.

[Sherry walks out, Christopher sits down with Lorelai]

CHRISTOPHER: So, quaint evening of theater last night.

LORELAI: Ah yes, the Gilmore family players rival the Barrymores for their sophisticated, dramatic productions.

CHRISTOPHER: I never thought sheíd freak over Rory not being there like that. I never wanted to put you in that position.

LORELAI: Oh, you couldnít have known.

CHRISTOPHER: I mean, Roryís missed the occasional dinner before.

LORELAI: Yeah, well, this was compounded by other things.

CHRISTOPHER: What other things?

LORELAI: You should know as well as I that when it comes to Emily Gilmore, itís never simple.

CHRISTOPHER: Got it. Ah, looks like they found each other. You know, Sherry had a really good time last night. I hope Rory did too.

LORELAI: Yeah, she seemed to.

CHRISTOPHER: Good, good.

LORELAI: So Chris, before you go, um, I have something I wanna say to you.

CHRISTOPHER: Uh oh.

LORELAI: Itís not an uh oh.

CHRISTOPHER: Okay, what?

LORELAI: Well, I, um, I kind of realized something with you and Sherry visiting and God help me, because of something my mother said to me.

CHRISTOPHER: Wow, inspiration can come from the unlikeliest sources.

LORELAI: I was just thinking, you know, all these years, no matter what my relationship status has been, whether Iíve been dating or hibernating or whatever, I think Iíve always had you in the back of my mind - you know, the prospect of us being together. But this prospect was sort of indefinitely on hold while you, you know, found yourself and, uh, got your personal life together so that you could really be there for me and especially for Rory. But you and I have been so linked in my mind that I think I have unconsciously sabotaged every decent relationship Iíve had, including the one with Max, because I was waiting for you, and I shouldnít have been. And now that I see that, and I see you settling down with Sherry, I think I can move beyond it.

CHRISTOPHER: Good, Iím really glad this is good for you Lorelai.

LORELAI: It is. Chris?

CHRISTOPHER: How dare you put that on me?

LORELAI: Iím just thanking you.

CHRISTOPHER: Well, donít.

LORELAI: Whatís wrong?

CHRISTOPHER: Whatís wrong? Dammit Lorelai, youíre dumping fifteen years of unhappiness on me? Fifteen years of not having healthy, lasting relationships on me? Youíre blaming me for breaking up with Max and not marrying him? Thatís all my fault?

LORELAI: No, I just - .

CHRISTOPHER: I did nothing to deserve that.

LORELAI: Iím not saying that you did.

CHRISTOPHER: Youíre as good as saying it.

LORELAI: No, Iím not.

CHRISTOPHER: Then what did you expect to come from this divine revelation that youíve been so kind to share with me? Did you want me to apologize to you for ruining your life or comfort you and say Ďthere, there, everythingís gonna be all rightí so you can feel okay? Forget it!

LORELAI: Chris, wait!

CHRISTOPHER: Look, if thereís anything else you feel bad about in your life that you wanna dump on my doorstep, just leave a note! [leaves]

[Lorelai glances at the counter at Luke, who quickly looks down. Through the window, Christopher hugs Rory goodbye]

THE END


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