Written By: Amy Sherman-Palladino
Directed By: Robert Berlinger
OPEN IN STARS HOLLOW
[We see several signs near the gazebo promoting the upcoming Stars Hollow "Bid on a Basket" Fundraiser before we see Lorelai and Rory inside Dooseís Market looking at baskets.]
LORELAI: So I've decided I'm saving myself for William Holden.
RORY: Wow, it's nice out here in left field.
LORELAI: Hey, I'm sorry. Sunset Boulevard was on last night, and I don't knowÖI've known him for years Ė Sabrina, Stalag 17 Ė and yet last night something snapped.
RORY: I'll say.
LORELAI: I think it was the monkey scene.
RORY: You know he's dead, don't you?
LORELAI: The monkey?
RORY: William Holden!
LORELAI: Ugh, every great relationship has its obstacles. You'd know that if you weren't dating Andy Hardy.
RORY: This one?
LORELAI: Hm, no.
LORELAI: Itís too big, it raises expectations.
RORY: Like thereís actually a home-cooked lunch in there?
LORELAI: Instead of whatever is leftover in our refrigerator - exactly.
RORY: Okay, going back on the pile now.
LORELAI: Oh, itís quaint, isnít it? The women get to make a nice lunch basket, the men get to bid on it, and the world rotates backwards on its axis.
RORY: I think itís fun.
LORELAI: Thatís because you have a pretty boy to bid on your basket.
RORY: Yes I do.
LORELAI: Did you tell him to eat lunch first?
RORY: Hi, I love him, of course. Hey, Iím gonna look in the back.
LORELAI: All right, Iíll hit the front. [walks up front] Hey Patty. Shopping for baskets?
MISS PATTY: Oh please, I bought my basket weeks ago.
LORELAI: Always prepared.
MISS PATTY: Well, Iím getting that itch again.
LORELAI: Oh no, Patty, you donít actually need another husband.
MISS PATTY: Well, need Ė no, but want Ė thatís a different story. Listen darling, do you happen to have change for a dollar?
LORELAI: I think so.
MISS PATTY: I donít know where my quarters go.
LORELAI: Down some guyís g-string, I would expect.
MISS PATTY: Oh no, a quarter would be insulting.
LORELAI: Here you go.
MISS PATTY: Oh, thank you so. . . ugh! [drops something out of her wallet]
LORELAI: I got it. [bends down to pick it up]
MISS PATTY: Oh no no , thatís okay.
LORELAI: This is a picture of me.
MISS PATTY: It is?
LORELAI: Yeah. Why do you have a picture of me in your wallet?
MISS PATTY: Oh, uh, well, itís a very nice picture.
LORELAI: Thank you. Why do you have a very nice picture of me in your wallet?
MISS PATTY: Iím a stalker?
MISS PATTY: Or when, in my daily travels, I run across a nice single guy...
LORELAI: Oh God!
MISS PATTY: I like to have a visual aid to help me with the wonderful buildup I give you.
LORELAI: Patty, I appreciate the gesture but I donít need you to try to set me up.
MISS PATTY: Youíre such a beautiful girl and you deserve a nice guy.
LORELAI: Iíll have a nice guy, but let me find him, okay?
MISS PATTY: But youíre no good at finding him.
MISS PATTY: Oh, all right.
LORELAI: Thank you. Iíll keep this if you donít mind.
MISS PATTY: Stubborn girl.
[cut to Rory in the back looking at baskets. Dean walks up to her]
DEAN: Not that one.
RORY: You get no say in the basket.
DEAN: I have to bid on it.
RORY: And you have to eat whatís inside it and you get no say in that either.
DEAN: Is Taylor behind me?
RORY: No. [they kiss; a noise interrupts them]
DEAN: What? Taylor? [he turns around to look] Jess.
JESS: Sorry to intrude.
DEAN: Then why did you?
JESS: Well, youíre having your vertical From Here to Eternity moment right in front of the super glue.
JESS: Not that thatís not an appropriate place to be doing it in front of but - .
DEAN: Hereís your glue.
JESS: Thanks. As you were. [walks away]
DEAN: I really hate that guy.
RORY: He didnít do anything.
DEAN: Heís here, heís breathing, thatís enough.
RORY: I really wish you two could start over.
RORY: Because he lives here and we run into him. He goes to school here. I just think itíd be easier.
DEAN: Iím fine with the whole hating him thing, thank you.
RORY: I just think itís a waste of energy.
DEAN: You know, Iíll have a PowerBar.
RORY: Fine, forget it.
DEAN: So, uh, I should probably get back to work. We still on for tonight?
RORY: I donít know. I might be baking.
DEAN: Iíll pick you up at seven. Get that one, itís nice and small.
[Dean walks away; Jess walks back over and startles Rory]
JESS: Sorry. Two for one sale.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN
[Lorelai is behind the front desk on the phone.]
LORELAI: Independence Inn, Lorelai speakingÖOh sure. Uh, what dates are you looking at? Hold on one sec. . . Um, would you like a king or a queen size bed? . . . Well, you have your choice. Iíve got a room with a king size and a room with two queens. . . Uh huh. . Oh, well, do you think youíll make up by then? . . . Ugh. Yikes, well, I would take the room with the two queens. . . Uh huh. . . Uh huh. . . Oh God! Uh, sorry, no, nothing, nothingís wrong. I. . everythingís . .yes, great, call me back when you know. Okay. Thank you.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
[Lorelai walks through the door]
LORELAI: So Patty has taken it upon herself to find me a man.
SOOKIE: Oh really?
LORELAI: Yes. Here in my hand I have the pictures and resumes of the top three contenders.
SOOKIE: Anyone good?
LORELAI: No, but two of them have run with the bulls. This is so humiliating. I can find my own man.
SOOKIE: She just loves you.
LORELAI: Yeah, but . . .you know, ew!
[Jackson walks in]
SOOKIE: Jackson, donít look!
SOOKIE: Cover your eyes!
JACKSON: Okay, okay. Iím sorry, now why am I doing this?
SOOKIE: Because Iím baking for the picnic tomorrow and itís supposed to be a surprise.
JACKSON: Oh sure, never see a pie before an auction, itís bad luck.
LORELAI: Okay, uh, you guys talk, I have to go call Patty and stop the forced mating process. I feel like Ling-Ling the panda bear. Oh, hey, one of themís seen Ghostbusters 124 times. Can you say score? [leaves]
SOOKIE: Okay, whatís up?
JACKSON: Well. . . Iím sorry, can I put my hand down? I need to look at you when I talk.
SOOKIE: Uh, hold on. Go.
JACKSON: I got a call from my landlord today reminding me that my lease is up at the end of this month.
SOOKIE: Uh huh.
JACKSON: So, of course, he wanted to know whether I was gonna re-up it or not.
SOOKIE: Uh huh.
JACKSON: But I told him that I had to talk to you first.
SOOKIE: Okay. About what?
JACKSON: About re-upping my lease.
SOOKIE: Mm hmm.
JACKSON: So what do you think?
SOOKIE: About re-upping your lease?
SOOKIE: Well, you have a very nice kitchen.
JACKSON: Yes, I know.
SOOKIE: And I like your living room. Though that house across the street has sort of that creepy Miami Beach blue, which means that during the day you really canít look out your window, but at night itís not so bad.
JACKSON: Sookie, forget about the house across the street.
SOOKIE: Well, if you forget about the house across the street, I donít see why you shouldnít.
JACKSON: You donít?
JACKSON: Oh, okay, fine. Um, I just wanted to check with you first.
SOOKIE: Oh, I appreciate that.
JACKSON: So, um, I guess Iíll go re-up my lease then.
SOOKIE: Sounds good.
JACKSON: Yeah. Sounds good.
CUT TO SIDEWALK
[The day of the fundraiser, Lorelai and Rory walk down the street with their baskets]
LORELAI: You know whatís wonderful about this festival?
RORY: No, what?
LORELAI: That it always falls on the day after trash day. Therefore, all the stuff that you forgot to throw out that you would normally be stuck with for another whole week, you can instead put in a pretty basket and auction off for charity.
RORY: That is wonderful.
[Lane runs up behind them]
LANE: Okay, Iíve got it all worked out.
RORY: Tell please.
LANE: Well, I invited my cousin David to come and bid on my basket, you know, to keep my mother happy.
LORELAI: Uh huh.
LANE: Then when he gets it, we tell my mom weíre gonna go eat over at the park where Henryís gonna call on the pay phone at exactly two oíclock for the Ďall is clearí sigh. Then David, with the twenty bucks I give him, will disappear, Henry will arrive, and weíll finally have out first official date.
LORELAI: My head is spinning.
LANE: Stash this at Miss Pattyís for me, okay?
RORY: Donít you need this for David to bid on?
LANE: Oh no, my mom packed that one. You know, homemade granola, wheat grass juice, soy chicken taco.
LORELAI: Suddenly our lunches are looking pretty good.
LANE: This is the Henry basket. I went by Gianelliís and stopped in and picked up a couple of meatball heroes and some chips. I also packed a change of clothes, makeup, makeup remover, and three temporary tattoos.
LORELAI: Sure, Ďcause four would be trashy.
LANE: I gotta go. I gotta sneak back into my house. Oh, Iím so excited! [leaves]
LORELAI: Ah man. I remember the days of lying to my mother about a boy. Once I had a boy hidden in the closet and of course Mom wouldnít leave, so I finally had to pretend to get sick to my stomach just to get her out of the room long enough for him to climb out the window and down the tree. He fell, broke his leg. Ah, to be young again.
CUT TO AUCTION
[A crowd is gathered in front of the gazebo filled with baskets. Taylor stands at a podium in front as the auctioneer]
TAYLOR: Sold for fifteen dollars to the man in the yellow. Thank you very much. Now the next basket I have here is a lovely green wicker number that would be a charming addition to any room once the lunch is gone. Letís start the bidding at five dollars. Do I hear five?
DAVID: Five dollars.
TAYLOR: Okay, I have five dollars. Do I hear ten?
KIRK: Ten dollars. [Mrs. Kim glares at him] Withdrawn.
TAYLOR: Okay, Iím still at five, do I hear ten? Five going once, five going twice, sold to the young man for five dollars. You know whatís nice, you can put a couple of extra rolls of toilet paper in there and stick it someplace in the bathroom Ė decorative and convenient. Now this next one may not look like much ...
TAYLOR: ... but remember people Ė good things come in small packages.
LORELAI: How badly does he want to be hosting a game show?
RORY: Hm, he can taste it.
TAYLOR: Let's start the bidding at three dollars.
DEAN: Five dollars.
TAYLOR: Now that's the kind of bidding we want to hear today.
LORELAI: He's good. He's very good.
TAYLOR: Five dollars, do I hear ten dollars?
JESS: Ten dollars.
TAYLOR: Okay, I have ten dollars. Do I have fifteen?
TAYLOR: Twenty dollars, do I hear twenty-five?
TAYLOR: Okay, see, you boys don't seem to understand the way this thing works.
JESS: Forty dollars.
DEAN: Fifty dollars.
TAYLOR: Excuse me, have either of you noticed how tiny this thing is?
TAYLOR: Now weíre not talking cents gentlemen, weíre talking dollars remember.
LORELAI: Uh oh. Dean's hesitating.
RORY: He does not have eighty dollars to spend on that basket.
TAYLOR: Eighty? Eighty dollars?
TAYLOR: Ninety dollars, is that correct?
LORELAI: You know, I donít think he'll have to.
TAYLOR: Okay, we've got ninety going once, ninety dollars going twice. . . sold to the nice young hoodlum in the back for ninety dollars.
LORELAI: I'm trying to think, uh, in what scenario this situation could be construed as positive.
RORY: Well . . .
LORELAI: Well, no one's head's on fire.
RORY: I better go talk to Dean.
LORELAI: Do you want some help?
RORY: No, it's okay. Iím just officially not a fan of unpredictability.
LORELAI: I totally understand. Good luck.
[Rory walks over to Dean as the auction goes on in the background]
TAYLOR: Five dollars on this one, do I hear five dollars?
TAYLOR: Five dollars, that's good. Thanks you, how about ten dollars?
MAN: I'll go ten!
TAYLOR: Ten dollars - let's keep going. Look at the size of this . . .
[cut to Rory and Dean talking behind the gazebo]
DEAN: Iím gonna kill him.
RORY: Dean, he was probably just fooling around or something.
DEAN: No, he was messing with me.
RORY: I donít - .
DEAN: He was messing with me and itís the last time, I swear to God.
RORY: Dean, calm down.
DEAN: Why would he do this?
RORY: Maybe he was hungry.
DEAN: Heís trying to make me crazy.
RORY: Just donít let him.
[Jess walks up behind them]
JESS: I gotta tell you, of all the nutty barn raising shindigs this town can cook up, this one wasnít half bad.
DEAN: Glad you enjoyed it.
JESS: Yes I did. So shall we?
DEAN: Shall we what?
JESS: Shall we go?
DEAN: Go where?
JESS: Go eat.
DEAN: Excuse me?
JESS: The person who buys the basket wins the company of the person who makes the basket for lunch. Basket, basket maker, guy who didnít bring enough money.
DEAN: You think this is funny.
JESS: Well, itís no Lenny Bruce routine but it has its moments.
DEAN: Bye Jess.
JESS: Where you going?
DEAN: Youíre the one whoís going.
JESS: Oh, as soon as Rory is ready.
DEAN: Sheís not going with you.
JESS: Really, is that true?
DEAN: Yes, itís true.
JESS: Excuse me Edgar Bergen, I think Iíd like Charlie McCarthy to answer now.
DEAN: Shut up.
DEAN: Oh, come on!
RORY: Itís tradition.
DEAN: I donít believe this.
RORY: Itís true. My mother and I have been doing this every year since we moved here.
DEAN: So buck tradition.
RORY: Are you kidding? Do you remember how mad Taylor was when I was sick and I couldnít go to the turkey-calling contest?
DEAN: This isnít school, youíre not getting graded.
RORY: Just donít make this into a big thing.
DEAN: Donít go.
JESS: Oh geez man, sheís not shipping off to ĎNam.
DEAN: You SO need to shut up now.
RORY: Look, Dean, itís a picnic, itís lunch. Weíll sit, weíll eat, itís over.
RORY: What do you thinkís gonna happen?
JESS: Yeah, I think Iíd like to hear this one also.
DEAN: I donít want you to go.
DEAN: Fine, forget it, go. [walks away]
RORY: [follows him] Please donít walk away like that.
DEAN: Sorry, Iíd do a silly walk but Iím not feeling very John Cleese right now.
RORY: Dean, this isnít my fault. I didnít ask him to do that, I didnít tell him to do that. Dean, youíre my boyfriend. I would never do anything to hurt you.
DEAN: Yeah? Youíre doing it right now. [walks away]
CUT TO AUCTION
TAYLOR: Going once, going twice. . .sold for twenty-five dollars! Congratulations. Thank you. Oh Lord, will you look at this? Ladies and gentlemen, now this is a basket.
[Sookie mouths to Jackson ĎThatís my basketí]
TAYLOR: Letís start the bidding on this delicious treat at ten dollars. Do I hear ten dollars?
KIRK: Ten dollars.
ANDREW: Fifteen dollars.
TAYLOR: I have fifteen dollars.
KIRK: Twenty dollars.
TAYLOR: Twenty dollars, I have twenty dollars. Is that my final offer?
KIRK: All right, fine, twenty-five.
TAYLOR: Kirk, you just offered twenty, you upped your own bid.
SOOKIE: IĎm sorry, can we stop the bidding for just a second?
TAYLOR: Sookie, you know the rules.
SOOKIE: Yes, but I Ė .
TAYLOR: We have twenty-five dollars. Do I hear thirty?
ANDREW: Thirty, if thereís pie.
TAYLOR: There are no contingencies Andrew.
ANDREW: Iím not going any higher without the promise of pie.
TAYLOR: Thirty-five going once, thirty-five going twice. . .sold to Kirk for thirty-five dollars.
KIRK: Yes, finally! You know, if it hadnít have been for me I couldíve had it for twenty-five.
[Sookie and Jackson walk away from the crowd]
SOOKIE: Hey, what is wrong with you? I gave you all the signals. The pointing, the waving, the mouthing ĎThatís my basket.í Didnít you see the mouthing?
JACKSON: Yes, I saw the mouthing.
SOOKIE: Well, why didnít you bid?
JACKSON: I donít know. It just didnít feel right.
SOOKIE: What are you talking about, it didnít feel right? I made four kinds of pesto and three different desserts. Plus the entire basket is an edible pretzel with a goat cheese filling.
JACKSON: Well, I hope Kirk enjoys it.
SOOKIE: I donít understand.
JACKSON: Oh, come on Sookie.
JACKSON: I told you that the lease was up on my apartment, and I asked you if you thought that I should renew the lease on my apartment and you said yes!
SOOKIE: Do you not like that apartment?
JACKSON: No, I love that apartment. Itís perfect, the ultimate bachelor pad. Itís just big enough for one.
JACKSON: Only hereís the thing. You and I, weíve been dating for awhile and I donít know, I thought things were going pretty well.
SOOKIE: Things are going really well.
JACKSON: Okay, so I had this crazy thought that since things were going really well that maybe it was time to take a step forward.
SOOKIE: You wanted to move in together?
JACKSON: Well, I at least wanted to consider moving in together.
SOOKIE: Oh, uh, I hadnít even thought about it.
JACKSON: You hadnít?
SOOKIE: Well, no.
JACKSON: Oh, my mistake then. I thought we were on the same wavelength. We werenít, no problem, enjoy your lunch.
SOOKIE: Jackson, I lied. I have thought about it - a lot. Our bathroomís gonna be pink. Iím sorry.
JACKSON: Well, why didnít you say something?
SOOKIE: I didnít want to ruin anything. Weíre doing so well, we have so much fun, itís all working.
JACKSON: Why would living together mess all that up?
SOOKIE: I donít know. Weíd see each other every day.
JACKSON: We see each other every day now.
SOOKIE: And youíd find out all my annoying little quirks.
JACKSON: Hey, Iíve got annoying quirks too, you know.
SOOKIE: I know.
JACKSON: Whatís that supposed to mean?
SOOKIE: And you might get sick of me.
JACKSON: Or you might get sick of me.
SOOKIE: No, thatís not gonna happen.
JACKSON: Well, if thatís not gonna happen, then whatís the problem?
SOOKIE: The problem is that Kirk is gonna eat my goat cheese basket.
JACKSON: Not if I have anything to say about it. [they kiss] Howís that for not getting sick of you? Now if youíll excuse me, I got a basket to get.
[cut back to auction]
TAYLOR: Next up Ė why, that looks like a Dooseís market basket. Nice, huh?
LORELAI: Ooh, thatís mine.
TAYLOR: Iíd like to start the bidding at five dollars.
GUY 1: I bid five dollars.
LORELAI: Whoa, that was quick.
GUY 2: Ten dollars.
LORELAI: Do they know that all thatís in there is two stale Pop Tarts and a Slim Jim?
GUY 3: Fifteen dollars.
LORELAI: He looks familiar.
GUY 1: Twenty dollars.
TAYLOR: Twenty dollars.
LORELAI: So does he.
GUY 2: Twenty-five.
TAYLOR: This is going very well gentlemen, keep it up.
LORELAI: Oh no. [walks over to Miss Patty] Those are the guys, arenít they?
MISS PATTY: Excuse me?
LORELAI: The guys whose pictures you sent me - you brought them here! Youíre setting me up!
MISS PATTY: Well darling, you canít be trusted to do it yourself.
LORELAI: Oh geez, oh geez!
GUY 2: Thirty-five.
MISS PATTY: That oneís a snorkler.
LORELAI: Ugh! [runs away]
CUT TO LUKEíS DINER
[Lorelai bursts through the door]
LORELAI: Luke! Where is he, where is he? I need him! Caesar, where is - agh, agh, thank God. Hey, hey, you gotta come with me.
LUKE: What are you doing? Hey hey, I got plates here!
LORELAI: Put the burgers down. Caeser, you're in charge.
LUKE: Now wait.
LORELAI: Do you have money? I need money. Which one opens this thing? Is it that one, not that one.
LUKE: Stop messing with that.
LORELAI: Luke, you gotta come out there with me. Patty gave my picture out to all these guys because she thinks I need a man.
LUKE: You do, one with a nice couch and a deep knowledge of Freud.
LORELAI: You have to come out and bid on my basket.
LUKE: Are you serious?
LUKE: I have never in my life taken part in one of these crazy group flip outs. I'm not about to start now.
LORELAI: But - right now - out there Ė the -.
LUKE: Just buy your own basket.
LORELAI: I cannot buy my own basket.
LUKE: Why not?
LORELAI: Because that is pathetic.
LUKE: And chasing me around my diner begging me to buy your basket?
LORELAI: Also pathetic. But that is a pathetic I can live with, where that pathetic is a truly pathetic pathetic, and only you can save me from the double pathetic! Please!
LUKE: I can't believe I'm doing this.
LORELAI: Ha ha! Hurry up. Hurry up!
[Lorelai rushes him out the door]
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Lorelai and Luke walk up to the crowd]
GUY 1: Forty-five fifty.
GUY 2: Forty-six.
GUY 3: Forty-six fifty.
GUY 1: Forty-seven.
LORELAI: Go, go on.
LUKE: Forty-seven dollars, are you kidding?
GUY 2: Forty-seven fifty!
LUKE: For what? Two stale Pop Tarts and a Slim Jim?
LORELAI: Okay, you're not getting the whole saving me here thing, are you?
LUKE: Fine. Forty-eight.
GUY 1: Forty-eight fifty.
GUY 2: Forty-nine fifty.
LUKE: Uh, fifty-two fifty.
GUY 1: What? We're just supposed to go to fifty.
LUKE: I have a life.
LORELAI: Fifty-two fifty going once!
TAYLOR: Hey, hey, that's my job! Fifty-two fifty going once, fifty-two fifty going twice . . .
LORELAI: Oh, please God.
TAYLOR: Sold for fifty-two fifty.
LORELAI: Yes! Ha, ha, sorry guys, donít feel bad. Iím totally into Dungeons and Dragons. Youíve skated.
TAYLOR: And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes the basket bidding for today. Victors come claim your prizes and your dates. Let the lunching begin!
LORELAI: You rock!
LUKE: Thank you.
LORELAI: You're welcome.
LUKE: So what do we do now?
LORELAI: I guess we eat.
LUKE: First I have to buy it, then I have to eat it?
LORELAI: Hey, the basket of botulism does come with my company.
LUKE: Huh. You don't eat with your mouth open do you?
LORELAI: Women don't eat at all. We just look at food and jump on the treadmill.
LUKE: All right, let's go.
[cut to Rory standing alone as Jess walks up to her]
JESS: You know, thereís nothing there.
RORY: Yes, I know.
JESS: You going after him?
RORY: Not right now.
JESS: So then, shall we?
RORY: Fine, come on.
CUT TO BENCH
[Kirk is going through Sookieís basket as Jackson walks over to him]
JACKSON: Iíve been looking all over for you.
KIRK: Any idea what this is?
JACKSON: Uh, yeah, itís a pineappleĖcranberry chutney.
JACKSON: Listen, Iíd like to talk to you about this basket. As you know, Sookie made it and since Sookie and I are seeing each other, naturally she assumed that I would bid on it.
KIRK: Where are the carrot sticks? Every lunch has carrot sticks.
JACKSON: But see, I was a little upset about a fight we had had, and so I didnít bid on the basket.
KIRK: I love carrot sticks, especially the crinkle cut kind.
JACKSON: However, we just made up and now Iíd like to have lunch with Sookie, so. . . I need the basket.
KIRK: This is my basket.
JACKSON: Yes, but Iíd like you to give it to me so that I can have lunch with Sookie.
KIRK: I bought this basket. The rules are whoever bids the highest gets to keep the basket.
JACKSON: Yeah, I understand the rules but - .
KIRK: I bid the highest, I bought the basket, I get the basket.
JACKSON: Okay Kirk, Iíll pay you for it. Iíll give you forty-five dollars, thatís ten dollars more than you paid for it.
JACKSON: Okay, fifty dollars.
JACKSON: Kirk, this is insane. Iíll buy you another basket.
KIRK: I donít need you to buy me another basket. I won this one. You canít just come by and take it away. Just because you have a girlfriend and she made this basket for you doesnít give you the right to bully those of us who donít have girlfriends or anybody to make a basket for them.
JACKSON: Well, I wasnít trying to bully you.
KIRK: Not this year, not last year, not the year before that.
JACKSON: Okay Kirk.
KIRK: My mother didnít even make one for me.
JACKSON: Oh, thatís very sad.
KIRK: She made one for all my brothers and sisters but not for me.
JACKSON: Thatís terrible, Kirk.
KIRK: Twelve brothers and sisters, the only one without a basket Ė me.
JACKSON: Okay Kirk, whatís it gonna take?
KIRK: Two hundred and fifty dollars.
JACKSON: Kirk, youíre kidding me.
KIRK: Twelve brothers and sisters.
JACKSON: Will you take a check?
KIRK: With two forms of ID.
JACKSON: I swear, you better be as pathetic as you sound.
KIRK: Oh, trust me
CUT TO BENCH
[Lane and David sit on a bench in the park]
LANE: What time is it?
DAVID: Three oíclock.
LANE: I donít understand, Henry shouldíve called by now. Give me some change. [walks over to pay phone] Oh my God, itís not working!
DAVID: Great, can I have his lunch now?
LANE: Iíll be right back.
CUT TO GAZEBO
[Lorelai and Luke sit on the bench]
LORELAI: We're supposed to be eating on the ground.
LUKE: Says who?
LORELAI: Every picture you've ever seen of a picnic shows people eating on the ground.
LUKE: Yes, and every time I have seen a picture of people eating on the ground I've thought, what the hell are you people doing sitting on the ground? Spring for some beach chairs, you cheapskates.
[Lane runs up into the gazebo]
LANE: Hey Lorelai, do you have your cell phone?
LORELAI: Yeah, is everything okay hon?
LANE: I just need to make a call.
LORELAI: Here you go.
LANE: I'll be right back.
[Lane walks away as Luke stands up]
LORELAI: Hey, where are you going?
LUKE: I am going to the diner, I am going to get us some edible food and Iím gonna bring it back here for us to eat.
LORELAI: That is so not the point of today. I made this. I am insulted. I will now proceed to pout.
LUKE: I'll bring back some brownies.
LORELAI: Ooh, the pouting has left the building.
[cut to Lane on the cell phone]
LANE: Hello, Henry?
HENRY: Lane, Iíve been trying to call you.
LANE: I know, the pay phone is broken.
HENRY: I thought the number was wrong and I didnít know what to do, so I. . .
LANE: What, you what?
HENRY: I called your house and your mother answered.
LANE: What did you say?
HENRY: I asked for you and then she asked why, and I said because and she said because why, and I got nervous and tried to sell her a subscription to the Wall Street Journal.
LANE: Oh, were you successful?
LANE: Sorry, but at least she doesnít know, right?
HENRY: I guess not.
LANE: Okay, then weíre still good. Can you meet me now?
HENRY: I donít know.
LANE: I know itís later than we planned, but we still have a little time and I saved your lunch from David.
LANE: My cousin, the decoy.
HENRY: Oh, right.
LANE: So weíll rendezvous where I told you. Just drive by, honk twice, go around the block, and the second time you pass Iíll jump in the car.
HENRY: Gee, do you even want me to slow down?
LANE: Well yeah, of course. I mean, not to a total stop -.
HENRY: Lane, I donít think this is gonna work out.
HENRY: This - you, me.
LANE: Are you breaking up with me?
HENRY: How can I break up with you? Iíve never been out with you.
LANE: Well yeah, but thatís what today was supposed to be, a date.
HENRY: A date where we need a secret plan and a two-honk driveby and a decoy cousin?
LANE: Well, yeah.
HENRY: Lane, I like you but I want to be able to actually pick you up, stop the car, and take you out. And I wanna be able to call you, at your house.
LANE: Iím gonna tell my mother, I promise.
HENRY: Yeah. Look, Iíve got prom coming up and my friends and I are gonna rent a limo to take us there and I wanna go, and I wanna take a date.
LANE: Well, Iím sure I can figure something out. Maybe Rory can Ė .
HENRY: I asked somebody else.
HENRY: Iím sorry, I just figured youíd never be able to go and - .
LANE: No, itís okay, thatís good. You shouldíve asked someone else.
HENRY: I do like you Lane.
LANE: Okay, well, thank you, I appreciate that. I have to go.
CUT TO KIMíS ANTIQUES
[Lane walks up to the house as Mrs. Kim walks out.]
MRS: KIM: David came by here fifteen minutes ago, said you ran off somewhere! Where did you run?
MRS: KIM: Who is he?
MRS: KIM: The boy you ran off to see! The one who calls here pretending to work for the Wall Street Journal!
LANE: Thereís no boy.
MRS: KIM: You know the rules, no boys! Not unless I approve and I donít approve!
LANE: How do you know?
MRS: KIM: I know, I know! Youíre sneaking, youíre lying, that means somethingís wrong with this boy!
LANE: Thereís nothing wrong with this boy. Heís perfect and he likes me and I was so afraid to tell you about him that now heís gonna take somebody else to the prom and I blew it!
MRS: KIM: You go upstairs right now and calm down!
MRS: KIM: Now!
LANE: Fine! [stomps up the stairs]
MRS: KIM: That is not calming down!
[cut to Rory and Jess walks towards the bridge]
JESS: Where do you wanna eat?
RORY: Donít care.
RORY: Where are you going?
JESS: Thought you didnít care.
RORY: Iím not jumping in the lake.
JESS: No underwater dining, got it.
RORY: Now what?
JESS: Now we sit.
RORY: On the bridge, thatís where weíre gonna eat?
JESS: Yeah, I like this place.
RORY: Wow. A place in Stars Hollow you actually like. Iím stunned.
JESS: Itís got some good memories. You see right over there?
JESS: Thatís where Luke pushed me in.
RORY: Itís nice.
JESS: It is.
RORY: So whyíd you do it?
JESS: Do what?
RORY: Outbid Dean like that.
JESS: I donít know. I guess it started as a joke just to bug him, but then he just got so mad, you know? And he is so tall, and I just was looking at him and heís standing there all tall and mad and I just. . .I donít know. It was. . .it was really funny.
RORY: It wasnít funny.
JESS: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didnít intend to do it. Does that make you feel any better?
RORY: I just donít wanna be in a fight with Dean.
JESS: Iím sorry about that. You wanna push me in the lake? Itís cathartic, I hear.
RORY: Hm, maybe in a little.
JESS: Whatever. So why donít we open this thing?
RORY: Go ahead.
[Jess opens the picnic basket]
JESS: Wow. Not one thing in here that I would remotely consider eating.
RORY: Well, I didnít make it for you. I made it for Dean.
JESS: And Dean wouldíve eaten this? [holds up a container]
RORY: Yes, he would have.
[Jess tastes a forkful of the food and makes a face]
JESS: Dean is an idiot.
RORY: Dean never wouldíve fallen for that.
JESS: Ah, ha ha.
[cut to Jackson and Sookie sitting on a blanket]
SOOKIE: I canít believe he wouldnít take your check.
JACKSON: Well, apparently, I donít look like my picture.
SOOKIE: Heís a loon.
JACKSON: Yeah. Itís okay. Iím paying him off in weekly installment in crinkle cut carrot sticks.
SOOKIE: Iím glad we made up.
JACKSON: Yeah, me too.
SOOKIE: And you know, if you still wanted to talk about, you know, what we were talking about, we could talk about it now.
JACKSON: Hmm, nah.
SOOKIE: Excuse me?
JACKSON: I donít know. Iím having second thoughts.
SOOKIE: You are?
JACKSON: Yeah. I mean, living together - big deal, right?
SOOKIE: Oh right. Big deal. Who cares? Not me. No siree, Bob. So, Iím sorry, you donít think we should live together anymore?
JACKSON: I think we should get married.
JACKSON: I think we should get married.
SOOKIE: But Ė uh, but. . .
SOOKIE: Are you pregnant?
JACKSON: What do you say? Sookie?
SOOKIE: Yes! I say yes. Oh my God, weíre getting married! You do know that this means weíll have to live together, right?
JACKSON: Yes I do.
SOOKIE: Okay, good.
[Cut to Luke and Lorelai sitting in the gazebo]
LORELAI: You know, your burgers actually taste better outside.
LUKE: Good. Next time the roof in the dinerís leaking, Iíll just rip the stupid thing off.
LORELAI: So this is nice, huh? Come on, admit it.
LORELAI: What? Admit it, you would much rather be sitting out here than inside working.
LUKE: The dinerís probably on fire by now.
LORELAI: You are stubborn.
LUKE: Iím stubborn?
LORELAI: Yeah, youíre stubborn.
LUKE: Youíre Miss Flexibility over here?
LORELAI: Hey, I can be flexible.
LORELAI: I can. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, Iím totally flexible.
LUKE: Ah, well, my mistake.
LORELAI: Do you want a fry?
LUKE: You want a carrot?
LUKE: Right back at ya. So let me ask you something.
LORELAI: Napkin, please.
LUKE: Who did you want to get your basket?
LUKE: I mean, before you knew Patty was gonna put you on the Dating Game, you did pack this disgusting lunch and bring it out here, so who did you want to get it?
LORELAI: Well, last year Roy Wilkins bought it and I got my sprinklers fixed for half price.
LUKE: Uh huh.
LORELAI: And this year my rain gutters are completely clogged, and I thought if I could get the Collins kid to bite, Iíd get that taken care of.
LUKE: Very practical.
LORELAI: I thought so.
LUKE: So the participation in this thing was purely for home improvement reasons?
LORELAI: Yes. And I donít know, itís a nice concept.
LUKE: What is?
LORELAI: Just having someone who you love or have some kind of crazy crush on bid on your basket and then share a romantic lunch, itís a nice concept.
LUKE: Well, Iím sure someday youíll manage to find the right guy and drag him out to this thing and make him by your stupid basket and then youíll be sitting out here with him.
LORELAI: Yeah, someday.
LUKE: You know what?
LUKE: This is nice.
[Dean walks up behind them]
DEAN: I have to talk to you.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, okay. Iíll be right back.
LUKE: Iíll be right here.
[Lorelai walks out of the gazebo over to Dean]
LORELAI: Hey, howíre you doing?
DEAN: Uh, Iím not great.
LORELAI: Aw, Dean, itís just a silly town thing.
DEAN: I know, and Iíve been telling myself that and I tried to go home and forget about it, but I canít. Iím worried about Rory. I donít think she should be hanging out with this guy.
LORELAI: Well, I know that today was kind of a. . .
DEAN: Itís got nothing to do with today. I mean, yes, it has a little to do with today but itís more than that. Ever since Iíve met him, Iíve had this feeling that he was bad news.
LORELAI: Yes, Jess has a few issues.
DEAN: Yeah, one issue is that heís a complete jerk. I mean, heís always getting in fights at school. That is, when he bothers to show up at all. And heís just. . . I donít know. And now this whole thing with Rory, itís like heís always around.
LORELAI: You sound jealous.
DEAN: Iím not jealous. He just. . . she has to be nice to everyone, you know?
LORELAI: I know. But hon, thatís Rory.
DEAN: Well, heís gonna get her into trouble. I can feel it, I just know it. And he doesnít care about her, heís just using her to drive me crazy.
LORELAI: Dean, you love Rory, right?
LORELAI: So, part of love is trust. You just have to trust her.
DEAN: I do trust her, itís - .
LORELAI: Him, I know. But flying off the handle like this is not gonna get you what you want. She cares about you, sheís not gonna do anything to mess things up with you guys. I know this.
DEAN: I hope youíre right.
[cut to Rory and Jess on the bridge]
RORY: Yeah but I didnít understand a word of it, so I had to reread it when I was fifteen.
JESS: Iíve yet to make it through it.
RORY: Really? Try it. The Fountainhead is classic.
JESS: Yeah, but Ayn Rand is a political nut.
RORY: Yeah, but nobody could write a forty page monologue the way that she could.
JESS: Okay, tomorrow I will try again, and you will. . .
RORY: Give the painful Ernest Hemingway another chance. Yes, I promise.
JESS: You know, Ernest only has lovely things to say about you.
RORY: Why are you only nice to me?
JESS: Excuse me?
RORY: An hour ago you were totally screwing with Dean and now youíre totally nice to me.
JESS: You see, itís the screwing with Dean - thatís an important step to getting here so that I can be nice to you.
RORY: So it was a plan.
RORY: The whole bidding on my basket, it was a plan.
JESS: Okay, Iím officially starving.
RORY: And officially evasive.
JESS: Come on, Iíll get you a pizza.
RORY: Answer my question.
JESS: Do you like pepperoni?
RORY: Not going to, are you?
JESS: We can just get it on half if you want.
RORY: Okay, I give, letís go.
JESS: If you insist.
[Rory walks away, not realizing her bracelet had fallen off. Jess picks it up and puts it in his pocket.]
CUT TO LORELAIíS HOUSE
[Lorelai is sitting on the couch as Rory walks in the front door]
LORELAI: Oh, hey. Whereíve you been? I thought Taylor auctioned you off to the highest bidder.
RORY: No, I just went to get some pizza and I, uh, wandered around the bookstore for a little while. Here. [hands her a book]
LORELAI: Whatís this?
RORY: You said you wanted to read the Childrenís Hour.
LORELAI: I did?
RORY: The other night when we were watching Julia, and Jane Fonda was playing Lillian Hellman.
LORELAI: Oh yeah, and I made the Hellmannís mayonnaise joke.
RORY: Which no one ever needs to hear again.
LORELAI: Right, right. Well, thanks.
RORY: Youíre welcome.
LORELAI: So who were you with?
LORELAI: Pizza, book buying - did you have company?
RORY: Oh, yeah.
RORY: Um, Jess.
RORY: So, Iíll be in my room.
LORELAI: Okay, good.
[Lorelai follows Rory into her room]
LORELAI: So how was the picnic?
LORELAI: Good. Did you get the Dean issue resolved?
RORY: Not yet. Heís coming over later and weíre gonna smooth things over hopefully.
LORELAI: Aw, yeah, well, smoothingís good. I love the smoothing. So, how was it with Jess?
LORELAI: Well obviously, the pizza and the books. So good, thatís. . .Iím glad.
LORELAI: What what?
RORY: Well, you look like you have something to say.
LORELAI: I have nothing to say. I never have anything to say.
RORY: Yes, that is your reputation.
LORELAI: Itís. . .I donít know. Iím just surprised that youíre hanging out with him, thatís all.
LORELAI: He doesnít seem like the nicest kid.
RORY: Well, you donít know him.
LORELAI: No, I guess not.
RORY: Youíre just judging him by that one time that he came over here.
LORELAI: Which, by the way, was not a rousing success.
RORY: He had just moved here. He was mad at his mom. Trust me, heís got a really good side to him. Youíll see it eventually.
LORELAI: Good, I canít wait.
LORELAI: No, well, Iím sorry. Itís. . I just, uh, I donít know. From the things Iíve seen and the things I hear. . .
RORY: Like what things?
LORELAI: The vandalism, the stealing, the cutting school, the fighting.
RORY: How do you know about the fighting?
LORELAI: Well, Dean told me.
RORY: Youíve been discussing this with Dean?
LORELAI: No, he discussed it with me.
LORELAI: Today. Rory, heís really upset about this.
RORY: So he went running to my mother?
LORELAI: Well, he needed someone to talk to.
RORY: Well, he couldíve talked to me.
LORELAI: No, he couldnít Ďcause you were off with Jess.
RORY: Youíre taking his side?
LORELAI: Iím not taking sides here, okay? Iím Swiss, babe.
RORY: I wasnít off with Jess. I. . .Jess outbid him.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: Well, the rule is that if one person outbids someone else, then. . .
LORELAI: Rory, this is not about the rule. I know what the rule is. This is about Dean being concerned that youíre hanging out with someone who can get you hurt.
RORY: How could Jess get me hurt?
LORELAI: I donít know, hon. In the short amount of time heís been here, heís managed to make a lot of enemies.
RORY: Iím sorry, when did I move to Salem?
LORELAI: People are concerned about you, you know? Youíre young and naÔve and you think that everyone has some good inside if you give them a chance.
RORY: So youíre saying that Jess is no good?
LORELAI: Iíve known guys like Jess. He seems cool because heís got this dangerous vibe and this problem with authority and heís seen a lot of Sylvester Stallone movies.
RORY: Oh my God.
LORELAI: But guys like this get into trouble which, if you hang out with them, gets you into trouble and I donít want you to get into trouble.
RORY: Iím sorry, are we talking about Dean still or are we suddenly talking about you?
LORELAI: Hey, Iíve been there, okay? You havenít.
RORY: Been where? I mean, we got pizza, we looked at some books. God, I canít even believe that Iím having this conversation with you. I mean, with you of all people. I mean. . . I donít even want to talk about this anymore.
RORY: No, Iím going for a walk.
LORELAI: Uh, Dean is gonna be here any minute.
RORY: Well, he probably wants to talk to you anyhow.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Lorelai, Rory and Emily are eating dinner.]
EMILY: A cigar club. Can you imagine a more disgusting organization to join? Your grandfather now pays money to sit in an enclosed room with a bunch of other men and blow smoke in each otherís faces. Twice a week he comes home smelling like a flophouse. So I finally just confronted him. I said, ĎRichard, I know youíre going through a transitional period here and I encourage your trying out new things, but this seems completely out of character for you.í Iím sorry, am I boring you?
LORELAI: No, youíre not.
RORY: Sorry Grandma.
EMILY: So how are things at the inn?
LORELAI: Fine, the same.
EMILY: And Rory, howís that boyfriend of yours?
RORY: Apparently very chatty.
EMILY: Well thatís nice. Lorelai, anything new with you?
LORELAI: No, nothing. Itís been pretty quiet around the house lately.
EMILY: Well, sometimes quiet can be nice. Soothing. You can hear yourself think. All right, whatís going on with you too?
EMILY: Itís not nothing. Youíve both been sitting here all night, not saying a word and not even looking at each other. Are you in a fight?
LORELAI: Iím not.
LORELAI: Please what? You are the one whoís been freezing me out all week.
RORY: I just havenít had anything to say. [her pager goes off]
LORELAI: Who is it?
RORY: No one.
LORELAI: Why wonít you tell me who?
RORY: ĎCause itís no one.
LORELAI: Is it Jess?
RORY: Youíre kidding, right?
EMILY: Jess, whoís Jess?
LORELAI: No, Iím not kidding.
RORY: Why would you automatically assume that itís Jess?
LORELAI: Because why wonít you tell me who it is?
EMILY: Whoís Jess?
LORELAI: Lukeís nephew.
RORY: Itís not Jess, okay? Itís Dean. You wanna read it? Oh wait, no. Dean will probably tell you all about it later.
LORELAI: Thatís not funny. You know, all week youíve been - .
RORY: Weíre not getting into this again.
EMILY: What? Getting into what? Is it about this Jess the thing youíre not getting into again?
RORY: You know, you never liked Dean at the beginning.
LORELAI: Thatís because I didnít know him.
RORY: And now you donít like Jess?
LORELAI: Thatís because I know him.
EMILY: Are you dating Jess? What happened to Dean?
RORY: Iím not dating Jess.
LORELAI: No, but heís trying to weasel his way in.
RORY: Heís not trying to weasel his way.
EMILY: In where?
LORELAI: In Roryís world. He has his eye on her, and heís trouble.
RORY: Heís not trouble.
LORELAI: Yes he is.
EMILY: Rory, if your mother thinks this boy isnít appropriate company for you then you need to listen to her.
LORELAI: There, thank you Mom.
RORY: Excuse me, but I donít feel very hungry right now. [leaves table]
CUT TO RICHARDíS STUDY
[Rory walks in and shuts the door. She sits down, then walks over to the phone and dials]
MRS: KIM: Kimís Antiques, weíre closed, call tomorrow.
RORY: Mrs. Kim, itís Rory.
MRS: KIM: Itís after nine.
RORY: I know.
MRS: KIM: Lane canít talk after nine.
RORY: Mrs. Kim, I promise I will never again call Lane after nine, but can I please just talk to her now? Just this once?
MRS: KIM: Okay, just this once.
RORY: Thank you.
[Mrs. Kim walks up to Laneís room]
MRS: KIM: Lane?
MRS: KIM: Phone.
LANE: But itís after nine.
MRS: KIM: Itís okay, itís Rory.
LANE: I donít want to talk right now.
MRS: KIM: Rory?
MRS: KIM: Laneís not feeling well, she needs to call you tomorrow.
RORY: Oh, okay. Um, thanks anyhow.
MRS: KIM: Yes, goodbye. [hangs up] Lane!
[she walks into Laneís room]
MRS: KIM: Itís early for you to be in bed.
LANE: Iím tired.
MRS: KIM: Come downstairs and have some tea.
LANE: No, thank you.
MRS: KIM: I know youíre upset but I have these rules for a reason. Iím your mother, I know whatís best for you.
LANE: Can we talk about this tomorrow please?
MRS: KIM: You see, this is exactly why I make these rules. Youíre too young, too vulnerable. American boys have different values, they donít understand respect, you get hurt. I do all of this so you donít get hurt and now here you are hurt. I donít like this, I donít like this at all. Who is he, this boy who hurt you?
LANE: Henry Cho.
MRS: KIM: Cho?
MRS: KIM: Cho sounds Korean.
LANE: It is Korean.
MRS: KIM: He was Korean?
LANE: Yes, and he was smart and wonderful and cute.
MRS: KIM: And Ė and youíre sure he was Korean?
LANE: Heís gonna be a doctor, he goes to church, heís a counselor at Bible camp, and he liked me.
MRS: KIM: A doctor.
LANE: Iím so stupid. I shouldíve just told you and I didnít and now heís gone and Iím just stupid.
MRS: KIM: Maybe I can call his mother.
LANE: I donít want to talk about this anymore.
MRS: KIM: Youíre sure he was Korean?
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Lorelai and Emily sit at the table]
LORELAI: I swear Mom, thereís just something about that kid that. . .ugh, I donít know. And I hate it because heís Lukeís nephew and Rory likes him but. . .
EMILY: You are her mother Lorelai. You must set boundaries and restrictions, itís your job.
LORELAI: I wanted to like him but I just couldnít, and Rory canít see it.
EMILY: Well, sheís young.
LORELAI: And she wonít take my word for it.
EMILY: Well, sheís young.
LORELAI: I donít know what to do. Maybe Iím overreacting.
EMILY: Lorelai, listen to me. Now I donít say this to you very often, but on this matter I happen to agree with you one hundred percent.
LORELAI: Gee, thanks Mom.
EMILY: I know Roryís a good girl, but good girls can go bad with the wrong influences. We all know that.
LORELAI: Oh no no, I donít think Roryís actually gonna go bad.
EMILY: Donít back down Lorelai. You took a stand and you are completely in the right here. You absolutely must keep her from that boy. If you need to change her curfew, lock her up, throw away the key, whatever it takes to make sure she doesnít go astray - you do it. Her judgment cannot be trusted here. Sheís a young girl and knows nothing. You are her eyes and her ears and her brain for as long as it takes to make sure she doesnít make any ridiculous choices in her life.
LORELAI: Yeah. Would you excuse me for a sec?
CUT TO RICHARDíS STUDY
[Lorelai pushes open the door]
LORELAI: Hey, can I come in?
RORY: Itís not my house, I canít stop you.
LORELAI: Just listen to me for one second okay? No sighing, just let me talk.
RORY: Go ahead.
LORELAI: I donít wanna lock you up and throw away the key.
RORY: Well good.
LORELAI: Your judgment means something, especially to me. I canít be your eyes and your ears and your brain.
RORY: Iím trying really hard to connect the dots here.
LORELAI: I got spooked. I know it violates the fabulous cool mom clause weíre supposed to have going but I did and Iím sorry.
RORY: Itís okay.
LORELAI: Now, I am concerned about Jess.
RORY: Well, you shouldnít be.
LORELAI: But I am. However, you are a smart girl, youíre a good judge of character, and the fact that he seems to like you gives him a couple of brownie points. Youíre not a little kid. I donít actually think you ever were a little kid.
RORY: I was, for about a month.
LORELAI: If you think heís a decent guy, I have to respect your judgment.
RORY: Thank you.
LORELAI: But Iím asking you to be careful.
RORY: I will.
LORELAI: Really careful.
RORY: I will.
LORELAI: ĎBoy in the plastic bubbleí kind of careful.
RORY: I promise.
LORELAI: And you have to cut Dean some slack. Heís so crazy about you. He didnít mean anything by coming to me. He just wigged.
RORY: I know.
LORELAI: So, fight over?
RORY: Fight over.
RORY: You still donít look okay.
LORELAI: Oh, well, my mother agreed with me tonight.
RORY: Iím so sorry.
LORELAI: Thank you, I appreciate that.
CUT TO LORELAIíS HOUSE
[Later that night, Lorelai and Rory walk through the front door.]
LORELAI: I need a shower.
RORY: Donít be so dramatic.
LORELAI: ĎI agree with you a hundred percent.í Ugh!
RORY: Go upstairs.
LORELAI: Find a movie, Iíll be down in a minute.
LORELAI: ĎI agree with you a hundred percent.í I may have to shave my head also.
[Rory takes the phone into her room and dials a number]
RORY: What are you doing?
JESS: Nothing, you?
JESS: Whyíd you call?
RORY: I . . um, I wanted to. . .
JESS: Iím glad you called.
JESS: Because maybe you can explain what the hell this crazy woman is talking about.
RORY: Ah, The Fountainhead.
JESS: Yes. Your fault, and you will pay.
RORY: I promise. Commit to it one more time and if it still is awful for you, I will make it up to you.
JESS: Oh yeah?
JESS: Okay. Iím gonna hold you to that.
A-Tisket, A-Tasket Summary ...