Episode: Wedding Bell Blues ...
Original Airdate: February 8, 2005
Luke is on the diner phone ordering supplies for the boat when Lorelai walks in. She takes a look at the supply catalog and begs Luke to order her a pair of boots so she can look like the Morton’s salt girl. Luke concedes and asks if he can come over later to work on the boat. Lorelai jokes that he’s planning to fake an injury so that he won’t have to go to The Gilmores’ wedding/renewal of vows. Luke jokes back that he had something planned.
Rory is burning cds in the kitchen, and Lorelai is disappointed to find that the instant mashed potatoes take a lot more work than anticipated. She gives up and goes for the rip and dump of tater tots she is so familiar with. Luke pops in looking for an extension cord. Lorelai tells him they are having a salad and chicken, but Luke knows better. He goes back to the garage while the girls prepare for their “Cop Rock” marathon. The phone rings. It’s Emily. She’s frantic because her dress is falling apart and wants Lorelai to fix it. Try as she might to avoid having Emily ruin her evening, Lorelai cannot talk her out of coming over. Rory suggests that they postpone their evening since there’s no way they can eat everything before Emily gets there. Lorelai assures her that she’ll fix the dress in record time and they will “Cop Rock” the rest of the night.
Emily arrives to find Luke sanding the boat. She walks over and startles him, and Luke drops the sander. Emily seems annoyed by Luke as they chitchat about the boat. When Luke offers congratulations, Emily quickly points out that congratulations are for the groom; best wishes are for the bride. Luke attempts to rectify the breach of etiquette before Emily goes into the house.
Lorelai is waiting when Emily arrives. She is moving and speaking at warp speed in an attempt to rush Emily out. Lorelai cannot find anything wrong with the dress, but Emily shows her the two loose beads that are soon to destroy her wedding day. Lorelai insists that Emily not even bother to take off her jacket because she’ll be done before Emily can sit down. Rory engages in wedding chat with Emily while Lorelai sets out to break a time record for sewing on beads Emily asks for a drink to help calm her wedding jitters. Lorelai is done with the beads before Emily even makes it into the kitchen and is ready to have her evening back when the phone rings. It’s Richard calling from his bachelor party. Richard warns Lorelai not to let Emily mix her drinks, insinuating there is a bachelorette party. A horrified Lorelai tells Rory they are now going to have a bachelorette party; Lorelai will not let Emily have the pleasure of yet another thing to hold over her head.
Sookie arrives at the house with food for the last minute event Lorelai has set up. Gypsy arrives shortly after. Emily is sitting in the living room with Miss Patty & Babette happily sipping on her newfound concoction: rum and coke. Rory tries to help explain the situation to Lane’s cousin Kyon, with no avail, but she lasted one “but why” longer than Lane did. Emily tells the ladies about the strings she had to pull to get the Rose room for the wedding. Sookie mentions that she feels like there should be a naughty gift. Lorelai quickly goes to get a box of naughty-shaped pasta left over from a previous party. Emily mocks mortification but is tickled.
That evening, once everyone is passed out, Lorelai and Rory go to the kitchen to talk about the evening. Lorelai decides to mix up Emily’s seating chart. Rory tries to stop her, but to no avail. Lorelai turns the page and Rory notices Logan Huntzberger’s name on the list. Lorelai begins ranting about shallow, rich people, using the Life & Death Brigade as an example. Rory gets defensive, so Lorelai drops the subject and goes back to placing her divorced relatives next to each other.
Luke shows up at the Gilmore girls’ house, surprising them by being ready for the wedding. When Luke is surprised that they are not, the girls explain that they are getting dressed there. Luke is obviously thrown by the fact that he could have gotten ready there, but everyone assures him that he looks nice, even Babette, who awakes from her drunken sleep to tell the girls that she’ll lock up.
The girls and Luke arrive at the reception hall with Luke complaining about his pants, which got wrinkled in the car. Lorelai tries to blame their tardiness on Rory, who gives the blame right back. Emily mentions, to Lorelai’s amusement, that her wedding planner had to be fired because the seating chart looked like a drunken psychopath took a stab at it. The Gilmores finally notice Luke. Richard offers to have his pants steamed for him since they’ve become wrinkled in the car. Emily tells him not to be silly, that Luke is probably going to change. Luke feels awkward and tries to remember whether to offer Richard congratulations or best wishes. He settles on “nice suit”. Marilyn comes out to discuss the gardenias with Emily, and quickly takes notice of Luke. She’s hoping he’s a gardener, because she’s always wanted to have an affair with a gardener. The ladies take leave to their dressing rooms, but not before Richard asks Lorelai to hold two necklaces next to Emily’s dress and see which one goes best. Poor Luke gets caught trying to unwrinkle his pants in the hall.
The girls are getting ready in the dressing room, and Lorelai holds up the jewelry choices for her mother to pick one. Emily picks one for the wedding and saves the other for her birthday. Rory goes in to change. Emily discusses her wedding jitters with Lorelai, who can’t understand them since this is, as she calls it, a “pretend” wedding. Emily asks Lorelai if she’ll ever get married. Lorelai smiles to herself and says yes. Emily quickly changes the conversation so as not to let Lorelai’s mind linger in the idea of marrying Luke. Rory comes out in a feminine tux. Lorelai pouts about Rory’s getting to wear a “costume”, saying that Emily likes Rory better.
The ceremony begins, and Marilyn tries to get Luke to consider becoming a gardener. Everyone looks happy except for Rory, who spots Logan in a pew, seemingly snickering at her with a beautiful blonde. Later, at the reception, Luke is amazed at what the festivities must have cost. Lorelai asks him to run introduction interference for anyone whose name she has forgotten. Aunt Totsy comes in, leading Lorelai to warn Luke about being “Totsied“. Rory walks around looking for Logan. She hides behind a man to get a better look of the blonde he’s with. Luke runs interference perfectly. Lorelai notices Christopher. She wheels Luke around and gives him a quick explanation of why she went over to comfort Christopher after his dad died. She was worried that it might come up and didn’t want Luke to feel shanghaied. Luke is shaken, but handles it well when Christopher joins the couple to talk. Lorelai is obviously uncomfortable and gets away at her first opportunity. She and Luke go back to the table to find a sulking Rory just as the new “couple” is being introduced. Richard takes the microphone and tells a story of how he came to choose their first dance song. It seems Emily had to come up with a way to soothe Lorelai when she was a baby and had an ear infection. She would sing a song to her about a woman who wanted to marry a man named Bill. She would wish that Richard’s name were Bill so that it could be their song. Richard says that for tonight only, his name is Bill, and they begin their dance. Lorelai asks a reluctant Luke to dance. Christopher glares at them while Rory glares at Logan and his date. Father and daughter both retreat to the salon.
Christopher and Rory talk about the first time Lorelai ever kissed Christopher. Rory asks him if he liked that Lorelai kissed him first, and Christopher says it was the best day of his life. An inspired Rory gets up and leaves Christopher sitting there finishing his drink.
Lorelai and Luke continue dancing. Rory walks up to Logan to find out about the blonde, who, as it turns out, is just a family friend. She asks him to dance. Meanwhile, Luke and Lorelai narrowly escape being “Totsied“. Rory asks Logan when he’s going to ask her out, mentioning that he’s been giving her all the signals. Logan says he has thought about it, but he’s not boyfriend material. Rory insists that she doesn’t want a relationship; she wants to have fun with no strings attached. She grabs a bottle of champagne from the bar and asks him if he’s coming. He follows. They go into a dressing room where Rory kisses him first, but he quickly joins in.
Lorelai returns to the table with more drinks, only to find that it has finally happened: Luke has been “Totsied“. Christopher joins them. Christopher, who is getting louder by the minute, keeps trying to engage Lorelai in memories from the past. Marilyn tells Lorelai that she’s needed at the front for pictures. Lorelai gets up to find Rory. Luke joins her. Christopher follows. Lorelai walks in on a disheveled Rory and Logan making out. Christopher walks in and threatens Logan. Lorelai gets him out, only to have Luke follow with another threat. Rory and Logan leave out the back, and Lorelai returns to the hall to find Christopher and Luke arguing about who has been there for Rory more. Christopher says that he and Lorelai were meant to be together, telling Luke that Emily knows it and so does everyone else. Lorelai pleads with Luke that she doesn’t know what Christopher is talking about because he’s drunk, but Luke has had enough and leaves. Lorelai chases after him, and when Christopher follows, she tells him to get some coffee. Just then, Marilyn grabs Lorelai for the pictures. Lorelai is furious. As she takes her place in the picture, she glares at Emily, who is smiling. Just before the picture snaps, Lorelai tells her their relationship is over.
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