Episode: In the Clamor and the Clangor ...
Original Airdate: January 27, 2004
The girls are at the funeral of Stan, Stars Hollow’s oldest resident, and Rory is taking it hardest. Sookie and Lorelai reminisce, and Lorelai notices how all deaths in the town happen in groups of five. She and Sookie begin to panic since they are only down four for the year, and begin to wonder who No. 5 is. They focus on Hank, a few pews ahead of them, and mourn him even though he is still very much alive. Rory lambastes them for being so insensitive. She tells them not to talk about it, because if Hank did die, they would have caused it. The reverend ends the service by declaring the church bells will be restored in Stan’s honor. Hank trips when leaving the church, scaring the girls, and when Lorelai tries to diminish the incident, saying No. 5 could be anyone, Kirk, for instance, they hear a commotion and see Kirk on the ground fighting off a toppled flower arrangement in the back. Lorelai declares their group is The Witches of Eastwick.
Band practice is going great when a crabby Zack searches for something to complain about and tells the members they are too good. Lane knows he is still mad that Gill is in the group and calls him out on it when Gills leaves during a break. When he returns with news that the band has their first gig at the famous CBGB, Lane hugs Gill, Zack sulks in silence, and Brian reaches for his inhaler.
The girls head through town, enjoying the fourth snow of the season. They discuss the first three, then stop when the church bells ring out through town. Everyone in town stops what they are doing and embraces the magical sound, applauding afterwards. Rory leaves for Lane’s while Lorelai heads to Luke’s. Rory saves Lane from a meeting with other Seventh-day Adventist College students, and Lane offers her latest CD to Rory while asking her for an alibi for the upcoming gig, to be held at 2 a.m. on a weeknight. Rory offers an astronomy class alibi, requiring a late-night sky viewing. Rory barely makes it out of Lane’s room with the Cod hidden in a book, but it seems Mrs. Kim doesn’t know what is going on.
Back on campus, Paris is dolling out class advice as well as campus gossip for Rory, all of which comes from her new boyfriend. Rory is horrified to see the laundry room guy who rejected her offer for coffee is also in the same class. At Luke’s, Kirk is busy annoying Luke with questions about the time, wanting to make sure he doesn’t miss the latest bell-ringing session. Lorelai comes in and picks up on the fact that Luke is not in love with the church bells and moves on to discuss the paint samples she sees on the counter. Luke flippantly mentions a new apartment with Nicole, and Lorelai’s shock grows bigger when Luke mentions the move happened weeks ago. She is obviously upset, and getting more so by the minute when Luke has no idea why. She rants about friends, how they know basic things about each other like addresses. She realizes maybe they are not friends after all and leaves the diner in a huff. Just then the church bells ring, infuriating Luke.
Rory is hanging out with girlfriends at Yale and one spots the laundry guy come into the dining hall. She shares some gossip that he has been telling people about a crazy girl who asked him out, and when he said no, now won’t leave him alone. The word psycho is thrown out, and Rory says nothing, mortified. Lorelai is back at home, meanwhile, ranting to Sookie about Luke’s move and their strange relationship. When Davey begins crying in anticipation of the church bells ringing, Lorelai looks out the window to spot Luke shoveling her driveway. She heads outside, thinking they are about to make up, and Luke yells at her about everything needing to be about her and how his relationship with Nicole is none of her business. He leaves and she storms back inside.
The following day, Rory responds to the laundry room guy’s argument in class by ranting about propaganda and telling lies. The confused student tries to calm her down and she calls him an idiot. Later that night, she offers suggestions to her mother about places to eat since Lorelai won’t go to Luke’s. When Lorelai refuses every option, Rory suggests she make up with Luke so she can go to Luke’s already. Lorelai refuses, saying she’ll starve to death instead. Rory finally hangs up to go study and Lorelai ends up walking through town. The church bells ring yet again, only this time people cover their ears and yell for peace. Lorelai finally gives up and goes into Luke’s, where she and Luke have a small staring contest. Lorelai finally breaks the silence by asking Luke to break the bells with her. He heads upstairs to grab his toolbox and Lorelai sees that his apartment still has all of his stuff in it.
Lane and the band are pacing around the dressing room at CBGB, ready to go on, and the club booker walks in, informing them they have been bumped due to a non-existent audience. Lane begs to play anyway, offering to get the two patrons there to drink, but to no avail. Lane’s world starts to crumble, as the gig ends before it starts, and the band starts fighting around her.
The soon-to-be vandals of Stars Hollow find a locked door waiting for them at church. Lorelai comes prepared with a gym card she never used, breaking in Hart to Hart style. When Luke breaks out the tools, she wonders how it is his toolbox isn’t at the new apartment. She quickly moves on to why none of his things are at the new apartment. They argue, and she finally admits she cares because she doesn’t want Luke to move. When he asks why, she hesitates, and the reverend walks in and sees the two equipped with a hammer and crowbar. Luke and Lorelai hang their heads in shame and the reverend thanks God and tells them to carry on.
Rory answers a late-night knock on the door to find a hysterical Lane, who tells her she never came up with an alibi for the gig that never happened. Rory tells her to immediately call Mrs. Kim so she won’t worry. When Lane refuses to call her, Rory calls Lorelai for advice. Lorelai tells Rory to keep her there and calls Mrs. Kim herself, who has firemen and police at the house, along with a prayer vigil to help find Lane. Lorelai tells her she is at Yale, and at first Mrs. Kim heads out to find her. She stops by Luke’s to tell him Lane won’t be at work, and finds out Lane had already let Luke know. It seems everyone knew what Lane was up to except for Mrs. Kim. She turns around and heads home.
The next day, Lane stalls leaving Yale and gets coffee with Rory, telling her she got the message by Mrs. Kim not showing up to get her the night before: she is in serious trouble. Lane tells Rory her life is in ruins and is jealous of Rory’s perfect life. Rory reminds her she is in a band and is healthy and won’t be in the situation forever. Lane decides to face her fears and heads home, equipped with mini donuts. Rory heads to lunch and sees laundry room guy again. When he calls her Madeline Albright, referring to her recent outburst in class, she snaps and tells him she doesn’t appreciate him talking to her and knows how he is telling everyone she is interested in him and is psycho. He listens, stunned, while she tells him how mean he is and how she only asked him out for coffee. He tells her he wasn’t talking about her but a girl in his dorm that wouldn’t leave him alone. Humiliated, Rory skulks off, asking if he could not tell anyone the now lunchroom story, as well as the laundry room story.
Mrs. Kim is in Lane’s room, discovering her secret floorboard CD stash, her hidden clothes, and everything else. Lane walks in to find her life exposed and is strangely relieved. She opens the last secret compartment for Mrs. Kim. She tries to make the situation better by opening up to Mrs. Kim about the band’s gig, about wanting to be honest but knowing Mrs. Kim wouldn’t approve, and not wanting to attend Seven-Day Adventist College. Mrs. Kim responds by telling Lane to move out and live life the way she wants to.
Rory is spilling the embarrassing story of the laundry room guy to Lorelai and notices that the bells aren’t ringing on time. Lorelai feigns ignorance as to what happened to them and Rory hangs up when she hears a knock on the door. Lane is back, and this time she has luggage.
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