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Episode: Die, Jerk ...


Original Airdate: November 11, 2003

At Friday dinner, Lorelai, Rory, Emily, and Richard discuss the trip to Atlantic City, which Emily didn't like but which Richard happily considered successful. Richard gives the girls two of the miniature roulette wheels that the firm gave out as favors and Emily asks to change the subject. Lorelai mentions Rory's articles in the Yale student newspaper -- tryout articles which will determine whether she actually gets on staff. The grandparents have read them and are very proud, even clipping and laminating the articles. Lorelai shouts triumphantly because she won at her miniature roulette game.

In the Yale student newspaper office, Paris and Rory discuss the requirement of wrirting tryout articles to join the staff. Rory can't find her review in the day's issue, but Paris says it must be in there; the paper prints everything, no matter how bad it is. The section editor arrives and tells Rory that her article isn't in the paper because it was boring. Paris sees that her own article was published and leaves Rory's side to get a bagel.

Lorelai, Rory and Lane complain about the editor's unfairness as they walk through Stars Hollow. Lane is expecting a call from Dave, and Lorelai puzzles over who the girls are mad at -- not Dave nor Jackson, but she knows they're mad at someone. Lane says that her relationship with Dave is great and that he wasn't too upset at being replaced in the band.

Lorelai finds Michel waiting on Sookie's porch for the business meeting; Michel sneezed five days ago and Sookie still won't let him near the baby. Lorelai talks baby talk to Davey, and reports on progress at the Dragonfly. She is surprised when Bruce enters, working as a lactation specialist for Sookie. Bruce criticizes Lorelai for the babytalk, Lorelai and Sookie girls discuss business a little more while Michel fends off big green flying insects on the porch, and Bruce breaks up the meeting for a feeding.

Rory turns in another newspaper assignment, which the editor marks up ruthlessly. She asks what she's doing wrong; she worked really hard and did lots of research He tells her that she should include her opinions in her next review.

She and Lorelai arrive at her next assignment: a ballet performance. Lorelai tries to encourage Rory, but Rory fears she might be past her peak. The girls are both dismayed and amazed at the ballet production. In the newspaper office, the editor compliments Rory on her great job, and she seems confident.

At Kim's Antiques, Mrs. Kim gives Lane a large box to wrap for Dave in California. Lane checks the contents and is shocked to see that it's a jug.

Michel and Lorelai are walking in Stars Hollow, discussing baby talk, and Lorelai enters Luke's. When she sees Nicole leisurely dining at the counter, Lorelai chats with her nervously, but Nicole is calm, cool and gives no information as to what she's doing in town. Lorelai says she isn't hungry and leaves. Nicole looks pleased.

Lane calls Rory, upset because she has had the worst fight ever with Dave because the jug that was to be his gift is a special marriage jug. Lane doesn't want to marry, but is upset that Dave was equally displeased at the thought. Rory agrees that Lane needs to to talk with her mother about it, but cuts the conversation short as she sees that someone has written "Die, Jerk" on her dorm room door's message board. Paris pulls Rory into the room, talking to her - and Tanna and Janet - like a military commander. She is making plans to hit back at whoever wrote the message before they strike again, and wants the girls to make lists of their enemies. Janet can think of a girl who is angry with her, but Tanna and Rory shrug it off and watch TV.

At the diner, Lorelai badgers Luke about Nicole's presence, and when he says that they're putting the divorce on hold for a while because they like each other and aren't ready for the hassle of a divorce, she fires questions at him and makes sarcastic comments about avoiding hassles, then leaves, again without eating anything.

In the dorm cafeteria, two students approach Rory anxiously, one warning her of danger and another calling her "brave." Rory sits down and sees someone pointing her out to a girl who walks up and asks Rory if she remembers her -- she's the ballerina whose performance Rory ridiculed in her article. The girl is angry and Rory is dismissive of the girl's complaints until she asks Rory how much dance experience she has (Rory admits that she took some classes long ago and stank) and then asks if anyone wrote about how she stunk in the newspaper. She angrily tells Rory that she's a jerk, and that she hopes Rory dies, and strides away. Paris sees that the door threat was aimed at Rory and swiftly makes a cell phone call cancelling "the strike."

Lorelai arrives at her parents' house, where Emily is especially irritable because Richard and Digger have been holed up doing computer-y things all day. Richard emerges from the office, playing delightedly with a laptop computer that Digger's rigged up for wireless internet connection. Emily introduces Lorelai to Digger, but they explain that they already know each other. Emily goes to check on dinner; as Lorelai and Digger talk, we find that he's been sending her flowers. Digger says he can't impress Emily, and Lorelai says that means Emily will harass Lorelai less. Digger says he figures that if Emily dislikes him, Lorelai will be more inclined to date him. Digger says he's going to get Emily to invite him to dinner but Lorelai says he won't be able to. Rory arrives and calls him Scooper by mistake.

Left by themselves, Rory tells Lorelai about the ballerina and shows her the review, which Lorelai finds awfully harsh. Rory says she was doing what her editor said to do, and Lorelai then says she did the right thing.

Emily tries to say goodbye to Digger so that the family can have dinner without him, but Richard wants him to stay, and Digger, with false modesty, says he'll just have a cheeseburger on the way home. Richard insists that that Digger will stay -- a conversation that Lorelai has been watching with increasing glee.

At dinner, Digger continues trying to flatter Emily, who will have none of it. The two disagree about the usefulness of computers, with Lorelai and Rory eventually taking Emily's side. Richard asks where Lorelai and Digger met, and in discussing old summer camps, Digger says that he met Rory's dad -- "a good guy" -- at camp. Lorelai says that Christopher hated Digger, and shoved him into a toilet in an act of revenge. Digger remembers and says he deserved it.

Emily and Richard compliment Rory cheerfully and proudly on her scathing ballet review. When Lorelai mentions the effect the article had on the ballerina, Richard tells Rory that the ballerina obviously wasn't talented and can now study business. They then complain about a bad restaurant that got a good review, and Digger asks Emily, as a "woman of taste," to recommend restaurants to him -- including romantic ones. As Emily answers and Lorelai puts in her comments about various types of food, we see that Digger and Lorelai actually are having their own conversation, through body language, about where they might go out. When Digger asks if he can call Emily to continue the conversation, he's looking at Lorelai, who smiles most agreeably.

Rory tells her editor she wants to review the ballet again, or do a feature article on the ballerina, but he says that journalists hurt people's feelings as a matter of course, and if that's going to bother her, she needs to re-consider her career choice. He gives her another assignment.

Lane approaches her mother to tell her that while she appreciates the thought of the gift, she is not ready for marriage and can't send Dave the jug. Mrs. Lane is hardly disappointed at all and simply moves the jug to the clearance sale table. Lane is astonished, but Mrs. Kim says the marriage jug story was just something she made up to distract young Lane from her endless crying.

As Rory heads to the theater for her next reviewing assignment, she's talking with Lorelai on the cell phone. Lorelai says she won't be going back to the diner because of the quarrel she and Luke had over Nicole being back in his life -- and thereby, in Lorelai's life. Lorelai asks if she would be crazy to date Digger, and Rory says yes, a little. They hang up, and as unseen performers begin a corny rendition of a folksong, Rory gives a superior sigh of disdain, cocks her head to one side and begins to make notes.
Credit: GilmoreGirls.org


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