Original Airdate: February 25, 2003
Lorelai and Rory are both reading in their living room. Lorelai sees Kirk delivering the mail and tells Rory to grab her shoes. Rory says that she'll get them later, but Lorelai reminds Rory that if
her Harvard acceptance letter is in the mail, then they will be happy and
won't want to wait for Rory to put her shoes on. So, out the door they go.
But Kirk is a very slow mail carrier who doesn't sort the mail before he
delivers it -- he thinks it takes the spontaneity out of the job. Since he
doesn't seem like he's going to find any mail with "Gilmore" on it any time
soon, Rory and Lorelai go back inside -- they'll check the mailbox on their
way to dinner.
The next morning, Lorelai, Rory, and Lane are sitting at Luke's. Lane is
rambling about music, tapping her drumsticks on the table. Lorelai
is crabby because she has "deathly" allergies. Luke comes over
with menus, and the girls notice that they are new and totally different. He's added three new salads and left off the Monte Cristo sandwich, which no one has ever ordered before. He says that there wasn't much for Nicole to eat on the menu, so he added some salads. The girls whine about it so much that Luke brings them the old menus. Lorelai wants to know why everyone else gets a new menu. Luke walks away in disgust and Lorelai says she feels much better.
Later at Chilton, Rory, Paris, Madeline, and Louise are in class. The teacher announces that the Chilton Bicentennial is coming up, and there will be one winner, chosen at a speech competition this Friday, will get to make a speech at the celebration. This won't go on their resume or applications or anything, so a lot of students (like Madeline and Louise) couldn't care less, but some other students are going to work their hardest to win. C-Span will be airing a live broadcast of the Celebration, plus past Chilton Alumnae and professors from various colleges and universities will be in attendance.
Brad is back from a stint on Broadway in "Into the Woods", and he tells Rory that this gave him a lot of confidence, but you can tell that he's still deeply intimidated by Paris, who makes some snide remarks. She asks Rory if she's going to enter the speech contest, because beating Rory will make her victory even more satisfying. Madeline and Louise ask him if he got to keep any of his costumes or makeup.
At the inn, Sookie is in a state of shock. Some customers sent
back her four star, "You haven't lived 'till you've eaten there" food! After
Lorelai tastes it though, she completely understands the customers'
complaints. The food is absolutely awful! Perhaps Sookie's coming down with a bug or something, which can sometimes throw off your taste buds. Rory comes in after school, and heads towards the food. The entire kitchen staff shouts at her to stop.
Lorelai and Rory head to the lobby, where Rory tells Lorelai about the speech contest. She wasn't going to enter it, but after Paris's earlier comments, she really wants to win. Lorelai tells Rory that she has excellent "speeching skills" and should practice them as much as possible. Suddenly, Lorelai realizes something. She walks across the lobby. Sookie is walking towards her. They yell to each other that Sookie's pregnant. All three of them scream and jump up and down.
It's now the day of the speech competition to decide who will be the speaker at the Celebration. Rory, Paris and Brad are all there. Brad is doing breathing exercises while Paris paces up and down, scaring the other competitors with her digs. She tells a girl that from her notes, it looks like her speech is more than four thousand words, "But I'm sure you counted them." The girl replies that she did, but as soon as Paris walks away, she frantically begins to count the words. Paris tells another girl, Shelley, "I'm sure you're going to be great. After all, there's hardly anything on stage for you to trip over this time, right?" The color drains out of Shelley's face. Paris then sits down next to Brad and begins to quietly sing a song about magic beans from "Into the Woods", which makes Brad flustered.
Lorelai is on her cell phone, talking to Sookie about Jackson's reaction to her big news. Apparently, instead of being excited, he got out the calculator and started crunching numbers, and says, "Oh, boy," every fifteen minutes. Lorelai assures Sookie that everything will be okay.
At Doose's Market, several people are standing around Kirk, who has the mail spread out in a pile on the floor. Everyone is impatiently waiting for their mail, but Kirk refuses to do what they tell him, because he's the mail carrier, not them. Lorelai comes in and asks Dean for some non-drowsy allergy medicine, but they're out. Lorelai decides to just get some in Hartford.
Lorelai is at the Hartford drugstore picking out medicine and runs into Max Medina. They chat about stuff. He tells her that he's been at Stanford teaching a class, but came back for the Chilton Bicentennial. He asks about Rory, and Lorelai tells him about her new boyfriend. Max can tell that she hates him. Lorelai says that she needs to get going to the infamous Friday Gilmore dinner, and they say good-bye.
At the grandparent's house, Richard answers the door. He explains to Lorelai that one maid called in sick and the other one is preparing dinner, and Emily's not home because three of her friends from DAR had strokes, all in one week, so she's at the hospital. The phone rings, but no one gets up because Richard's used to the maids getting the phone. Lorelai reminds Richard that there's only one maid tonight, and she's busy with dinner. He runs to grab it, and Lorelai takes advantage of the alone time with Rory to tell her about how she ran into Max. Richard comes back into the room. He's excited about the Bicentennial and is sure that Rory will get the speech. The phone rings again and he dashes to go get it. Lorelai giggles; she used the speed-dial on her cell phone to call the Gilmores' phone.
Later that evening, Lorelai goes over to visit Sookie to see how she's doing. Jackson's going crazy. He used the calculator so much that he broke it, and is talking about add-ons and minivans and buying a second tie. Lorelai tells Sookie about running into Max. Sookie says that Max was a good guy. Lorelai hopes that he doesn't hate her for "dumping him in the gutter." Jackson comes out brandishing a cleaver. He announces that they're switching to plastic, and Saran Wrap has to go too.
At home, Rory is walking through the front door as the phone rings. It's someone from
Chilton connecting her to Headmaster Charleston and Paris Gellar. After
they're connected, the headmaster announces that Paris and Rory's speeches
were both excellent. While Paris immediately asks who won the contest, Rory
keeps quiet. Charleston announces that he changed the rules, and that he's
decided they should combine their speeches in order to pay proper tribute to
their school. Paris and Rory are stunned. After Charleston hangs up, they decide to combine their speeches over the phone so they won't have to see each other.
The next evening, Rory's home alone when Paris rings the bell. Paris had decided that they cannot effectively hone their speech over the phone. They go into Rory's room and exchange speeches. Out of the blue, Paris announces that she slept with Jamie after she talked to Rory. She wants to discuss it. Rory is uncomfortable. Lorelai enters the house with a pizza and hears them talking. Paris asks Rory about her sex life, and Rory tells Paris that she never slept with Dean or Jess. Lorelai is relieved and sneaks back outside. After hearing that Rory hasn't done it, Paris is worried that she shouldn't have either. Rory tells her that some things can't be analyzed. Paris semi-apologizes for the past few weeks. Lorelai comes back inside the house and shouts that she's home. She invites Paris to stay for pizza. Paris goes into the bathroom to take out her retainer, and Lorelai gives Rory a huge hug and tells her she's taking her shopping tomorrow. Rory walks away and Lorelai remarks that she got "the good kid."
At the Bicentennial, there's only ten minutes before Rory and Paris are on,
but Paris isn't there. Lorelai tells Rory to relax and goes in search of some coffee. She finds coffee, and Max too. They go into another classroom to talk, since they haven't talked since the whole … you know. Max thinks that Lorelai didn't marry him because she didn't love him, but she disagrees. After a little more argument, they come to the conclusion
that Max is over it, and everything will be fine.
Rory and Richard are waiting in the hallway outside of the Auditorium. Headmaster Charleston comes up and tells Rory that she's going on next and she should get ready. She tells him that Paris isn't there, and he tells her that he hopes she knows both parts. Lorelai comes over and she and Richard go inside to sit down. Rory sees Paris down the hall. She's in pajamas and her hair is messy.
The Headmaster introduces Paris and Rory. Rory begins her speech, and when it's Paris's turn, she goes off on a spiel about how she worked her whole life to get into Harvard, but after years of slaving away, she went home and found the tiny envelope, the rejection letter. She can't believe that she's not going to Harvard. She had sex, but she's not going to Harvard. Rory leads Paris off the stage, who shouts that she's being punished for having sex, and Rory's a shoe-in because she's never had sex. In the audience, Lorelai looks over at Richard, who's asleep.
Rory and Paris sit on a staircase. Paris is crying. Rory tries to comfort her by telling her that maybe it's a good thing she's not going to the same school as the rest of her family. Lorelai pokes her head in and asks if everything's under control. Paris says that after all the trouble sex has caused her, she better have been good.
Lorelai walks up to Richard by the coat racks. He tells Lorelai that Rory and Paris did very good jobs. He then says that he has to go (important phone call from China) but tells Lorelai that he'll call Rory tomorrow and then hands her an envelope to give to Rory. Lorelai makes a few amusing quips and then goes to get her coat. It's not on the check-in rack. Lorelai says that the coat was cute and on sale and she will fling herself off of a building if it's lost. The woman running the coat stand tells her that some of the overflow coats were moved to another classroom, and she should check there. "Otherwise the staircase to the roof is on your right."
Lorelai goes into the overflow coat room. Max is there too. He asks how Rory is. When they find their coats, they say good-bye, and then kiss. "Apparently, I'm not over it," says Max.
In Sookie and Jackson's bedroom, Jackson taps Sookie on the shoulder. She tells him that she's not getting rid of her knives, and he tells her that he's never been happier in his life. Well, their wedding, but this is a close second. But he wasn't kidding about the knives.
At Lorelai's house, Rory and Lorelai walk towards the mailbox. Rory is quizzing Lorelai about Max and what this means for her and Alex, but Lorelai has no idea. They stop at the mailbox and Lorelai pulls out three large envelopes. Apparently, Rory is the biggest virgin in the world. Rory doesn't know which one she's going to choose, so they go inside to figure things out. "So what are the odds that Paris is ever gonna have sex again in this lifetime?" Lorelai wonders.