Episode: Dead Uncles and Vegetables ...

Original Airdate: April 16, 2002

The phone is ringing at Lorelai's house. She rushes down the stairs to get it. The answering machine picks up before she can. This is a good thing, as it turns out, because it's Emily calling. Once she realizes she's gotten the machine, Emily criticizes the message, says she doesn't want to talk to a machine, and hangs up. She calls back and reminds Lorelai that her DAR meeting is on Tuesday. She calls back a third time and reiterates that Lorelai's phone message is annoying. Throughout this scene, Lorelai has been talking to her mother as though she were there.

At the Independence Inn, Emily is sitting at a table tasting soups while Lorelai and Sookie look on. Apparently it takes three tastes to make a decision about a soup. While Emily tastes the soup, Sookie and Lorelai talk about Sookie's wedding. Lorelai is going to design and make the bridesmaids dresses. Michel comes in and tells Lorelai that Luke is on the phone. She leaves to go talk to him.

While Lorelai's gone, Emily talks to Sookie about her wedding. Upon hearing that she's probably going to have something playing off a CD for the ceremony, Emily points out all of minuses to this plan and tells Sookie to think about having live music, possibly a string quartet, instead. Sookie mulls it over.

At the front desk, Lorelai picks up the phone to talk to Luke. After beating around the bush for a while, he tells her that he needs nine rooms for some family that's coming. His Uncle Louie died last night and Luke's arranging the funeral. Lorelai feels sorry for Luke and asks if there's anything she can do to help.

In Stars Hollow, Rory and Lorelai walk down the street and talk about Luke and his uncle. Lorelai can't tell if Luke was shaken by his uncle's death, and points out that he's rather unflappable. They go inside the diner and see Luke on the phone while several customers try to get his attention. He's clearly flapped. Lorelai and Rory grab plates and give them to their impatient owners. Lorelai brews some coffee while Rory goes upstairs to get Jess. She makes him come downstairs, now, although Jess is in the middle of "I Dream of Jeannie".

Downstairs, Luke is on hold with the morturary in Florida where Uncle Louie is at. Louie spent most of his life in Stars Hollow but retired to Orlanda. Luke's dad had wanted Louie to have a nice funeral and be buried next to him, so he put Luke in charge of looking after Louie's funeral. The town Revolutionary War reenactors will even be attending the service and doing their salute thing. It's what Luke's dad wanted. Finally Luke is able to talk to someone on the phone. They're shipping Louie up to Hartford. Luke says he'd better close up the diner and go pick out a coffin, but Lorelai tells him that he's covered.

At Doose's Market, a lady asks Taylor if he has any Brussels sprouts. Upon finding that he has none, she replies that she'll just check across the street. Taylor goes outside to see what she means by this comment. Across the street is a farmer's market, run by the "long-haired freak that wanted to be town troubadour even though that weird brown-corduroy-jacket-wearing freak was already it". The proprietor of te farmer's market is impressed by Taylor's good memory and gives him a hug. Taylor is sure that there must some mistake. The proprietor assures him that there isn't. Taylor is shocked to see several people, including Miss Patty, buying beautiful vegetables and amazing prices from this man.

At the Inn, Michel asks Lorelai if the nine rooms (without name or credit card information) set aside is a mistake. She tells him that it's a personal thing for Luke. Lorelai then sees Emily come in. She asks what she's doing here, and Emily tells her that she's here to see Sookie.

In the dining room, the tables are set with fancy place settings and flowers. Lorelai is amazed; where did all of this come from? Sookie tells Lorelai that it's for her wedding. She explains that Emily set her up with a company's sample place setting. Lorelai thought that Sookie was going to keep it simple. Sookie tells Lorelai that this is all free and she's not committed to anything. Lorelai tells Sookie that to be careful; she's entered Emilyland. Emilyland is an upside down world where the Horchow House is considered low-rent and diamonds less than twenty-four carats are Cracker Jack trinkets and Bentleys are for losers who can’t afford a Rolls. Sookie tells Lorelai that she's okay, really, and Lorelai leaves to go help Luke with the lunch rush. Emily picks up a glass and is shocked to find a fingerprint.

Rory walks into the diner. Taylor is sitting at a table mumbling about turnips and Lorelai is taking orders. She's thrilled at the "diner lingo" she's learning and convinces some customers to change their orders to fit with her new phrases. Taylor is looking out the window and is shocked to see Babette and Miss Patty buying vegetables and fruit.

The proprietor of the farmer's market enters the diner. He understands Lorelai's diner lingo and orders a hot blonde with sand with its foot out the door. He talks about how the icy weather hasn't kept customers away, and lots of people are sure to be eating vegetable soup this night. He notices Taylor and asks how he can afford to take a break if he's anywhere near as busy as he is. Kirk says that Taylor's market is dead and he thought it was closed until he saw one of the workers inside reading a tabloid. Taylor tells Kirk to shut up.

Lorelai goes upstairs to Luke's apartment and brings him some food. Luke is bummed because none of the relatives he invited are coming. They all gave lame excuses. He's especially mad because his father wanted Louie's funeral to be nice.

Rory comes upstairs and says that Jackson is outside and walks to talk to Lorelai about something important. She leaves to go see him. Rory asks Luke where Jess is. Upon finding out that he's probably playing basketball or something, she calls him a punk.

Lorelai goes outside to where Jackson is standing. He says that their nice, simple, affordable wedding is gone. He points to Sookie and Emily, who are measuring the town. They're planning on moving the gazebo in order to accomodate the sixteen-piece orchestra. Lorelai says that she'll take care of this; Sookie's just brainwashed. Rory walks by, pulling Jess behind her.

Lorelai and Rory walk into the town meeting and sit down next to Luke and Jess. Taylor takes the stand to talk about a personal matter -- the vegetable stand. The proprietor is able to produce his permit, but Taylor tries to discredit it. Everyone agrees that he's losing his marbles and the meeting should end. Miss Patty adjourns the meeting, and Luke goes chasing after Taylor.

Outside, Luke runs over to Taylor and the other reenactors. He asks them why none of them have called him back about being at Louie's funeral the next day. They finally admit that they don't want to go to Louie's funeral; they all hated him. He kicked Kirk's dog, he hit on Sy's wife, he never went to town functions, he threw rocks and small tools at the reenactors. He got meaner and more of a loner as he got older. Luke has heard enough. He threatens to throw rocks and small tools at them himself, and then leaves. The reenactors say that he's a defensive hothead just like Louie; a practical clone.

In the Independence Inn kitchen, Sookie is sitting at the computer downloading crazy wedding stuff from Prague. Lorelai comes in and tries to talk her back from Emilyland. Emily is getting Sookie fifty percent off everything, but Lorelai points out that fifty percent off a load of money is still a half a load of money. After she mentions how Jackson feels about this, Sookie realizes how silly it all is. She decides to call around and start cancelling everything she'd ordered for this. Lorelai's cell phone rings. It's Luke and he's frantic. She promises him that she'll be right over.

At the funeral home, Luke is waiting near a casket when Lorelai walks in. The casket won't close because all of the stuff Louie requested be buried with him. Lorelai tries to think of some solutions but fails. Luke finally snaps. He can't deal with this anymore; the man was a jerk, mean and rotten in life as well as death and doesn't deserve Luke's help or respect. Luke tells the funeral director to just dig a big hole and just dump the casket in unlatched. If stuff falls out, fine, just pile on enough dirt and make sure nothing’s showing. He leaves.

At the diner, Jess is walking around refilling coffees when Luke walks in. Lorelai is relieved. Luke said that he walked around Hartford and decided that dumping Louie’s body in an open grave with all his stuff would be a little cold, so he called a Big and Tall casket shop and found a casket that will fit Louie and all of his stuff. Emily walks in and Lorelai tells Luke to retreat upstairs.

Emily tells Lorelai that she went to see Sookie about some wedding things, and she fired her. She's convinced that Lorelai is behind all of this. Lorelai reminds her that Sookie and Jackson are not wealthy; they're saving for a home and Emily's crazy wedding plans were in the middle of it all. Lorelai wants to get at the real reason Emily was so gung-ho about planning Sookie's wedding: Emily never got to plan Lorelai's wedding so she was trying to make up for lost time with Sookie. Emily says that she gave up on planning Lorelai's wedding long ago. It had a Russian Romanov theme, which wouldn't be appropriate anymore seeing as she's probably standing in the reception hall. Lorelai is confused. Emily says that she's talking about Luke. Lorelai's with him constantly, she brings up his name constantly, he calls and Lorelai runs to his side. Luke comes downstairs and walks over to them. Emily asks him what he thinks about the Romanovs. "A match made in heaven," she says after hearing his answer.

Lorelai and Luke are alone at the cemetary while the Reverend gives his service. Luke is still bitter and Lorelai has to keep hushing him. Luke asks Lorelai if that's him in there; is what Taylor said about him being just like Louie true? Lorelai reminds Luke of all the nice things he's done for people. Suddenly they hear drumming. The reenactors have arrived.

Luke and Lorelai walk towards the diner, discussing whether or not Luke's dad would be able to kick Louie while in heaven. The diner is packed and full of food; it's sort of a wake for Louie. Luke and Lorelai are confused; neither of them did this and neither did Rory. Lorelai says that this is probably for Luke. The townspeople may not have liked Louie but they sure like Luke.

The farmer's market propreitor comes up to Taylor, who's eating some vegetables. Taylor is amazed to hear that the proprietor's vegetable stand is gone. Turns out he just grew the vegetables in his back yard and sold out yesterday. Taylor asks him why he put him through all of the hoohah at the town meeting if the stand was just temporary. The proprietor tells him that he put himself through it.

Rory walks up to Jess and congratulates him on doing this. He denies any part in it besides unlocking the door, but Rory tells him that even that small contribution makes him an official part of the town now.

At a nearby table, people are sharing stories about Louie. Lorelai is sorry that she never met him. Luke admits that he was colorful.
Credit: GilmoreGirls.org

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